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JPMorgan CEO Dimon Slams Return-To-Office Pushback 160

An anonymous reader shares a report: JPMorgan Chase CEO Jamie Dimon scorned calls from some employees to soften the bank's five-day return-to-office policy in an animated town hall meeting on Wednesday, according to a recording reviewed by Reuters. Employees at the largest U.S. bank have complained on internal message boards and chats about losing hybrid working arrangements, and one group launched an online petition urging Dimon to reconsider.

When asked about the in-person work policy during the staff meeting, he said: "Don't waste time on it. I don't care how many people sign that fucking petition," he said. Instead, Dimon demanded more efficiency and stressed that employees have a choice whether to work at JPMorgan. The CEO told them not to be mad at him, and said that it was a free country.
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JPMorgan CEO Dimon Slams Return-To-Office Pushback

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  • by Pizza ( 87623 ) on Thursday February 13, 2025 @03:52PM (#65164429) Homepage Journal

    But he is right, those petitions are useless, except to identify the troublemakers for future special treatment.

    • by geekmux ( 1040042 ) on Thursday February 13, 2025 @04:49PM (#65164617)

      But he is right, those petitions are useless, except to identify the troublemakers for future special treatment.

      In a world choking on tailpipe fumes, he’s wrong.

      In a post-pandemic world that proved WFH was perfectly viable, he’s wrong.

      Banks aren’t even banks anymore. Only damn reason you need one is to maintain a vault. A vault that doesn’t even have cash in it anymore. Go ahead. Ask someone with the funds to go withdraw six figures or more. See how many excuses a bank will give instead of being able to actually do their one fucking job.

      Not even the money works five days a week in that office.

      • by Rinnon ( 1474161 )
        While I agree with everything you said, I think the OP meant that he was right about the petition being useless, which is to say that the entire company could sign the petition and it wouldn't mean the CEO had to change his policy; ergo useless.
        • the entire company could sign the petition and it wouldn't mean the CEO had to change his policy; ergo useless.

          That's very true. However, it would show an insane level of blatant disregard for the desires of the employees. I'm certainly not saying a leader should grant all of their employees' wishes, but it seems crazy to not even attempt some kind of compromise. That is, until you realize that RTO mandates are just layoffs with a different name. Either way, it seems like a great place to quit.

          • by jvkjvk ( 102057 )

            If you have your employees over a barrel why should you as a psychopathic employer (which they all are) care *what* your employees think?

            That is *exactly* what he is saying. Shut the F* up and get back to work. And he still wants to be liked for it. Lol. The a*hole with no self-reflective capability.

        • by geekmux ( 1040042 ) on Thursday February 13, 2025 @06:27PM (#65165011)

          While I agree with everything you said, I think the OP meant that he was right about the petition being useless, which is to say that the entire company could sign the petition and it wouldn't mean the CEO had to change his policy; ergo useless.

          The petition revealed one thing. To every single employee.

          Exactly how much the CEO cares about employee input.

          That can hold considerable value among the employees that can easily go work for a lesser asshole, and will. Actions, have consequences.

          And if companies can abuse surveys for more than one purpose, employees sure as hell can too.

      • Comment removed based on user account deletion
        • Massive commercial investment banks aren't taking cash deposits, and probably most of what they do (investing electronic money, accounting, IT, and marketing can all be done remotely).
          • Nobody takes or makes large cash deposits any more realistically.

            Almost the very minute electronic databases became commercially viable (i.e. the mid 1960s) the US govt moved to begin rolling back the availability of large denomination cash bills, explicitly because they made funding crime in all its forms too easy.
        • I remember seeing a quote that banks are just IT companies with a banking license.

        • by khchung ( 462899 )

          Banks are still banks. They're not even fully digital. I see a line of people from local businesses bring in deposits every day because they're paid in cash.

          Perhaps in America. The rest of the world is moving towards virtual banking since years ago.

          Now, in some places in Asia, you can open a bank account entirely remotely through banking app, and then through various 100% free electronic channels, transfer money to/from your account, and also withdraw cash from ATM machine with the app (i.e. no need to mail the atm card to you).

          Eventually, some of these virtual banks will enter the US market, and then US banks will bribe the govt to block the competition (as u

      • Re: (Score:2, Insightful)

        by Etcetera ( 14711 )

        In a post-pandemic world that proved WFH was perfectly viable, he’s wrong.

        Post-pandemic we've proved WFH is viable. In an emergency. That doesn't mean it's preferable to regular office presence when it comes to productivity for the company.

        • I've worked in numerous hybrid environments and my productivity is situational. Some things are easier to do in the office where we can hash things out in person with a whiteboard and without distractions. Other things are better handled in the silence of my own home. For anything that's not time-sensitive, I apportion my tasks based on the environment in which I'm most productive. I believe my productivity is at its highest with one or two days in the office per week and the rest working from home.
        • Wonder how much more could be invested on productivity gains instead of having to waste tens of thousands of dollars every month for the luxury of leasing a massive corporate building, and every corporate-priced expense that goes along with furnishing, powering, and maintaining it.

          Wonder how much of a financial pain “office” managers add up to be. Also known as overpriced cube farmers for grown-ass adults that justify a corporate payroll burden because office space.

          Wonder how much happier emplo

        • by rta ( 559125 )

          a) i just left a job an industry where things move like molasses. One privilege i had there was to try to get a vendor of a customer to fix an API issue in their product. The main mode of communication: ServiceNow. A single ticket in ServiceNow. The task was ongoing for over a year. About 4 months in i noticed that the early history of the ticket had disappeared.

          Why? well apparently service-now only shows the last N comments on a ticket. and there's no "show All" or pagination or anything in the U

        • by shilly ( 142940 )

          JPMorgan Chase will have hundreds, probably thousands of employees who work in virtual teams across borders. Eg product managers in the US and Europe, engineers in India. Those teams will be working remotely with each other. Whether they do so from home or the otfice is not going to magically get them together in person, but it will mean extra commute time and a shitload of background noise as they all join video calls from open plan office spaces instead of quiet home offices.

    • by eth1 ( 94901 )

      But he is right, those petitions are useless, except to identify the troublemakers for future special treatment.

      They'd probably have more luck getting together with employees from companies all over the municipalities where they're located, and pushing for ordinances that basically stipulate that in order to alleviate traffic/pollution/whatever, companies located there must allow employees to work from home if their job duties make it possible.

  • True (Score:5, Insightful)

    by TomWinTejas ( 6575590 ) on Thursday February 13, 2025 @03:53PM (#65164439)
    He's not wrong... no one is forced to work there. As long as the job market is tight the employees have less bargaining power and won't be able to make such demands. But the company should also realize that many folks will give less than 100% and do just enough to fly under the radar if they feel the company isn't listening.
    • Re:True (Score:5, Insightful)

      by Sebby ( 238625 ) on Thursday February 13, 2025 @04:06PM (#65164475) Journal

      But the company should also realize that many folks will give less than 100% and do just enough to fly under the radar if they feel the company isn't listening.

      Indeed:

      Dimon demanded more efficiency and stressed that employees have a choice whether to work at JPMorgan.

      He's not exactly given them much incentive to work hard by showing how much of an asshole he really is.

    • Whenever people complain about "lazy government employees" with the very clear implication that it's only government employees, I always find myself asking, "what, you've never worked with or been victimized by lazy employees doing the bare minimum to skate by in the private sector?"

      There are very few organizations much larger than mom & pop scale that don't have this problem.
    • The good employees will probably be the first to leave if they are dissatisfied with the company / management.

      Looks like if you want to use a medicore bank, JP Morgan is the bank to use.

  • Free to leave (Score:2, Insightful)

    by Sebby ( 238625 )

    "The CEO told them not to be mad at him, and said that it was a free country."

    While there could be some discussion about whether "free country" still being a valid term in the current political climate, I'd agree that most employees are free to choose whether to work for an asshole like Dimon or not.

    Whether there would be enough available jobs for everyone quitting would be another discussion altogether.

  • Give him credit. (Score:5, Insightful)

    by Petersko ( 564140 ) on Thursday February 13, 2025 @04:12PM (#65164497)

    No double talk. No weasel words. You might not like his position, but you know exactly where he stands, and you can confidently make your decisions accordingly. You don't have to worry that you missed something in corporate jargon.

    • Re: (Score:2, Informative)

      by Anonymous Coward
      Yes, we should all give him credit for being an asshole.
    • "Elon Musk is our Einstein" No double talk. In fact, he's the straight-talk express.

      • "Elon Musk is our Einstein" No double talk. In fact, he's the straight-talk express.

        Yes, but he is also wrong. Einstein was, by all accounts, very much a humanitarian. Musk is your Newton. Newton was both a genius and an utter bastard. He was originally friends with Hooke but fell out when he decided Hooke (of Hooke's law fame) was trying to claim too much credit for the inverse-square law idea for gravity. At this point he did whatever he could to discredit Hooke even going so far as to destroy portraits of him so that today no contemporary portraits of Hooke survive.

        When it came to L

        • Musk is our Wernher von Braun, then ? Except for the fact that von Braun was an actual rocket scientist. Otherwise, their careers bear striking similarities.

      • You think that Musk is a straight talker who makes his real agenda clear with no doubletalk?

        Oh, you sweet, innocent beautiful child. Never change, buddy.

        90% of everything he’s doing right now is an act. Same goes for Trump. These are master showmen.
    • by ratbag ( 65209 )

      Yay! The march of the Elon clones continues. Your silver lining is from the exceedingly-small-mercies department.

      Billionaires be billionairing. No need for good staff-management relations. No need for services. No need for any federal programs. No need for healthcare. The broligarchy can buy a hospital if they're ill, an army if they're under attack and a team of private tutors if they spawn a new generation. And always the dream of AI replacing their staff with a silent collective of money multiplying mini

    • No double talk? (Score:5, Interesting)

      by pr0t0 ( 216378 ) on Thursday February 13, 2025 @04:30PM (#65164561)
      I'm not an authority on whether this qualifies as double-talk, but stating the workforce needs to be more efficient while simultaneously making many of them less efficient has to come close. It's at least double-talk adjacent.
      • Well, I would argue that conflating the efficiency of the lives of the workers with the efficiency of the corporation would, in fact, constitute weasel words. :) He doesn't muddy the waters.

  • employees have a choice whether to work at JPMorgan

    ...as he said. So everyone with the slightest bit of marketable talent should be planning their exit. But don't just quit... negotiate a separation package.

    JPMorgan will soon be left with only the dregs, such as the managers pushing for RTO and the employees happy enough to camp at their desks pretending to work.

    • by Jack9 ( 11421 ) on Thursday February 13, 2025 @04:30PM (#65164559)

      I've worked at JPMC as a business associate, then as a software developer.
      I asked other developers why they continued to work there when they could jump to most other companies to:

      * Make more money
      * Have a more flexible schedule or working arrangement
      * Get better health benefits
      * Get the same (or better) retirement benefits
      * Still go back to JPMC if they were in dire need of a job

      Many people did leave, over time. Most were complacent, liked the prestige and didn't believe it would be a simple transition.

      I got a year padded on my resume then immediately jumped to make 25% more + wfh, at a job I still have well over 5 years later. I've interviewed since then to strong arm raises to another 25% on top.

      I can't understand this blind fear to making your life better. I think software developers prefer low risk engagements, once they get comfortable. This may be most people with a comfortable job.

      • It's all about life experiences. Some people have a real fear of ending up in homelessness by taking such a risk. As you say, they got a comfortable job they know well and are likely on good terms with the bosses, etc.

        Not everyone is as confident as you are or may not have as many marketable skills.

        I got a year padded on my resume then immediately jumped to make 25% more + wfh, at a job I still have well over 5 years later. I've interviewed since then to strong arm raises to another 25% on top.

        This is pretty impressive to me. I don't think even your average person has this confidence. I'm actively working on improving my skillset so I can find a better job, but I'm definitely comfortable at my current

      • by gtall ( 79522 )

        Maybe money is not everything?

    • by MachineShedFred ( 621896 ) on Thursday February 13, 2025 @04:52PM (#65164633) Journal

      This is exactly what I don't understand about this bullshit.

      Your best employees have marketable skills, and they're going to put themselves into the market.

      Your average to garbage employees will put up with the bullshit because they tried to go somewhere else too, but failed. So they'll trudge into the office and waste half their day in the coffee room shooting the shit with other average dead-wood employees until it's time to punch the clock and go home. And wouldn't you know it: you reduced your footprint for being able to attract top talent by forcing people to be within a certain geographic area, so you're more likely to replace the top talent that leaves due to your dumbass policy with lesser talent that spends their time in the coffee room talking about what happened on last night's reality TV garbage.

      What fantastic management.

      • What you say is true - it's common sense. And is also common sense for the JPM management.
        The fact that they know this and still press hard with RTO means there are other forces at play which we don't see.
        Maybe the company is ok with all office employees quitting? Who actually generates the business? - maybe a bunch of servers and top-level political connections? Maybe the in-office employees are just for customer service? Maybe super capable in-office employee is simply not set up to generate value due to

      • by Pizza ( 87623 )

        Your best employees have marketable skills, and they're going to put themselves into the market.

        No matter what their recruiters try to tell you, they don't want "the best". "The best" are troublemakers, even if only inadvertantly. Instead, they want "good enough to be a replaceable [1] cog in the machine."

        [1] And you *will* be replaced as soon as it is short-term-cheaper to do so.

      • I suspect most employees are joining JP Morgan for the money, since it provides neither social good, valuable work nor a comfortable working pattern. In that sense l, I don't think they'll struggle getting top people - they'll just have to pay enough to make the travel or moving worthwhile. Ie what everyone did 5 years ago
    • It really depends on how much they are being paid to camp at their desk. It could be just enough to be a sort of "golden handcuffs". I have a pension plan and really good healthcare at my work but the wages aren't great. It's actually a great job if you aren't the breadwinner and it's an okay job if both members of a "dink" had the same job. This could be what these folks have at JPMorgan.

      I figure if the CEO is saying this, it would be a good time to access your options, put some feelers out and see if you

  • by Ã…ke Malmgren ( 3402337 ) on Thursday February 13, 2025 @04:12PM (#65164501)
    ...how come every big company is a miniature dictatorship?
    • Power corrupts. Absolute power...
    • The word "freedom" can be contentious. Everyone has their own idea of what it means, but few people really think it through. A lot of people think of it as "the freedom to do whatever you want" and then temper that with "freedom has limits."

      This is why my personal operating definition of freedom/liberty is: "an environment in which all interpersonal relationships are consensual."

      It's still imperfect (or at least incomplete) because we do have interpersonal relationships where it's more nuanced than that: su

      • by Sebby ( 238625 )

        A lot of people think of it as "the freedom to do whatever you want" and then temper that with "freedom has limits."

        In (very) broad terms, "freedom" generally means the ability to do what you'd like, free from overreaching government interference, within the limits of the laws and the constitution.

        Of course, that's a very simplified version, which lacks a lot of the important nuance, but still much closer than the generally understood (and incorrect) "that I can do whatever the fuck I want regardless of anyone and anything else".

    • Because that's what a corporate structure is. A lead, or cabal of leaders, and no democratic process at all. Just autocratic, sociopathic, lust for money.
    • by Rinnon ( 1474161 )

      I'm not sure this is an issue of freedom. When you sign up to join a miniature dictatorship, you are exercising your freedom of association. You do have other options. You could join a small company, a privately owned company, a non-profit, you could start your own business.

      Switching paradigms, I would ask why it is that we demand democracy from our most important of human organizations (the government), but allow the ALMOST as important human organizations (and in our quickly approaching cyberpunkian dyst

    • Because big companies have CEOs. If there is any voting, only the shareholders have a say.
  • by DaFallus ( 805248 ) on Thursday February 13, 2025 @04:15PM (#65164519)
    Clueless, rich old fuck completely disconnected from entire workforce; news at 11, Dimon against the wall at midnight.
  • said the somewhat widespread fanatical corporate fixation on Return to Office mandates is basically just to get people to quit.

    That makes sense in terms of them not wanting to offer a severance package or pay unemployment.

    • It also allows them to re-open the position if it's still needed at a lower salary, with the expectation that it's in-office work with no remote chance from the outset.

      This is 100% about fucking over existing employees.

    • That's pretty much what I assume it means, at least for most work done on a computer. Some of it's a generational thing to I think. I had a long tedious conversation with my mother about RTO with regards to government workers. Her position baffled me, even when I got her to agree that if 100% of work is done on the computer and work was being turned into the supervisors (showing productivity), she still felt those folks ought to be let go or RTO.

      I could understand RTO for some work environments where face t

  • Treat your employees well and they will go the extra mile for you when needed. Treat them poorly and they will fuck you around every chance they get.
  • by Sebby ( 238625 ) on Thursday February 13, 2025 @04:41PM (#65164605) Journal

    Manager: Hey John - noticed you haven't been in the office for the last 3 days, without any notice. What's going on?

    John: Umm, don't understand your confusion here. Isn't it obvious to you by now? I've quit and got another job.

    Manager: Oh. Well, why didn't you tell us you were leaving? That's customary.

    John: Again, I don't understand your confusion - you were there when dictator Dimon gave his speech: he didn't want to anyone to "waste time" and "[didn't] care" about people's concerns on work policy, so that's exactly what I did when I decided I didn't want to work for an asshole anymore.

    • Hardly.... In case you've not been watching, companies are shedding staff. A few weeks from now, "John" will either be unemployed or working at his desk in the office. It's pretty simple.
    • That would feel pretty awesome.

  • I'm having a real problem believing that a benevolent billionaire at the top of the financial pyramid would show a complete lack of empathy and support for the plebs working underneath his regime. /s

    Why would these people think he gives a shit about their concerns and daily tribulations? He's in a race with the other billionaires to crack the top-10, and that's no easy task when 8 of the top 10 are tech bros that make money by doing literally nothing but paying the electric bill.

  • I still don't understand his obsession with in-office work. Judge people on their output wherever they are. If someone is underperforming, managers should be able to tell regardless of where the employee is working.
  • Commercial real estate is a MASSIVE chunk of a major bank like JP Morgan's holdings. Do you know what most of that real estate is? Office buildings, like skyscrapers bearing these banks names for examples and the downtown's of every major city, etc.

    Unlike normal real estate the terms for commercial real estate are typically based on commercial revenues and not down payments or value of the property securing the loan.

    This actually works great for the banks, these offices are sublet to businesses with long le

    • by MrKaos ( 858439 )

      Commercial real estate is a MASSIVE chunk of a major bank like JP Morgan's holdings.

      This.

  • My employer has been trying to get people back in the office.

    For years now, I've been telling my bosses that I just won't do it and that they are free to fire me.

    3 years this has been going on. Haven't been fired, won't be fired, and won't attend the office, at all. And if by some chance they do grow the balls to fire me, I'll have another job within the week.

    Work from home is here to stay.

  • The CEO told them not to be mad at him, and said that it was a free country.

    You can tell your employees what to do, but telling them how they should feel about it is a sign of manipulative behavior. If an executive for my employer did this, I'd start looking for a new position immediately.

  • until morale improves

  • Free Country (Score:4, Informative)

    by StormReaver ( 59959 ) on Thursday February 13, 2025 @07:56PM (#65165199)

    It's laughable that we live in a free country. We live in a work-or-die country, and we have little to no power at all. It would be more of a free country if the entire working class could organize into a united front, but that is not possible. We live the golden rule every day: he who has the gold makes the rules.

    Free country my ass.

    • That is your parents fault. It is their decision that forces you to work. That is the root cause and that is what should be fixed.

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