JPMorgan CEO Dimon Slams Return-To-Office Pushback 160
An anonymous reader shares a report: JPMorgan Chase CEO Jamie Dimon scorned calls from some employees to soften the bank's five-day return-to-office policy in an animated town hall meeting on Wednesday, according to a recording reviewed by Reuters. Employees at the largest U.S. bank have complained on internal message boards and chats about losing hybrid working arrangements, and one group launched an online petition urging Dimon to reconsider.
When asked about the in-person work policy during the staff meeting, he said: "Don't waste time on it. I don't care how many people sign that fucking petition," he said. Instead, Dimon demanded more efficiency and stressed that employees have a choice whether to work at JPMorgan. The CEO told them not to be mad at him, and said that it was a free country.
When asked about the in-person work policy during the staff meeting, he said: "Don't waste time on it. I don't care how many people sign that fucking petition," he said. Instead, Dimon demanded more efficiency and stressed that employees have a choice whether to work at JPMorgan. The CEO told them not to be mad at him, and said that it was a free country.
And how often does the CEO work in the office? (Score:5, Insightful)
But he is right, those petitions are useless, except to identify the troublemakers for future special treatment.
Re:And how often does the CEO work in the office? (Score:5, Insightful)
But he is right, those petitions are useless, except to identify the troublemakers for future special treatment.
In a world choking on tailpipe fumes, he’s wrong.
In a post-pandemic world that proved WFH was perfectly viable, he’s wrong.
Banks aren’t even banks anymore. Only damn reason you need one is to maintain a vault. A vault that doesn’t even have cash in it anymore. Go ahead. Ask someone with the funds to go withdraw six figures or more. See how many excuses a bank will give instead of being able to actually do their one fucking job.
Not even the money works five days a week in that office.
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That's very true. However, it would show an insane level of blatant disregard for the desires of the employees. I'm certainly not saying a leader should grant all of their employees' wishes, but it seems crazy to not even attempt some kind of compromise. That is, until you realize that RTO mandates are just layoffs with a different name. Either way, it seems like a great place to quit.
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If you have your employees over a barrel why should you as a psychopathic employer (which they all are) care *what* your employees think?
That is *exactly* what he is saying. Shut the F* up and get back to work. And he still wants to be liked for it. Lol. The a*hole with no self-reflective capability.
Re:And how often does the CEO work in the office? (Score:5, Insightful)
While I agree with everything you said, I think the OP meant that he was right about the petition being useless, which is to say that the entire company could sign the petition and it wouldn't mean the CEO had to change his policy; ergo useless.
The petition revealed one thing. To every single employee.
Exactly how much the CEO cares about employee input.
That can hold considerable value among the employees that can easily go work for a lesser asshole, and will. Actions, have consequences.
And if companies can abuse surveys for more than one purpose, employees sure as hell can too.
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Almost the very minute electronic databases became commercially viable (i.e. the mid 1960s) the US govt moved to begin rolling back the availability of large denomination cash bills, explicitly because they made funding crime in all its forms too easy.
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I remember seeing a quote that banks are just IT companies with a banking license.
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Banks are still banks. They're not even fully digital. I see a line of people from local businesses bring in deposits every day because they're paid in cash.
Perhaps in America. The rest of the world is moving towards virtual banking since years ago.
Now, in some places in Asia, you can open a bank account entirely remotely through banking app, and then through various 100% free electronic channels, transfer money to/from your account, and also withdraw cash from ATM machine with the app (i.e. no need to mail the atm card to you).
Eventually, some of these virtual banks will enter the US market, and then US banks will bribe the govt to block the competition (as u
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Funny you should say this: i literally walked out of two food places today because they said "no cash"!
(I went to a mall i hadn't been to in a couple of years... this "no cash" thing is some combination of left over covid paranoia combined with "if we don't have cash then the minimum wage employees we have won't steal it and we'll use covid as an excuse". And in some places it's also about having ordering kiosks of various sorts... again 1st because of Covid and then transitioned into lower labor costs /
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Yeah... it's not that cashless doesn't have it's conveniences, but gosh darn cash is is like with guns and encryption.
Yes they can be used for crime, but i also want to be able to rebel if need be (not that i'd be likely to get off the couch to do it). And before you say it's paranoia, a couple of years ago we were seeing actual real-world debanking of people for political activism reasons (of people on the right)
And from the Left... well... the past 2-3 weeks I don't think anyone reading about how DOGE
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In a post-pandemic world that proved WFH was perfectly viable, he’s wrong.
Post-pandemic we've proved WFH is viable. In an emergency. That doesn't mean it's preferable to regular office presence when it comes to productivity for the company.
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Wonder how much more could be invested on productivity gains instead of having to waste tens of thousands of dollars every month for the luxury of leasing a massive corporate building, and every corporate-priced expense that goes along with furnishing, powering, and maintaining it.
Wonder how much of a financial pain “office” managers add up to be. Also known as overpriced cube farmers for grown-ass adults that justify a corporate payroll burden because office space.
Wonder how much happier emplo
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a) i just left a job an industry where things move like molasses. One privilege i had there was to try to get a vendor of a customer to fix an API issue in their product. The main mode of communication: ServiceNow. A single ticket in ServiceNow. The task was ongoing for over a year. About 4 months in i noticed that the early history of the ticket had disappeared.
Why? well apparently service-now only shows the last N comments on a ticket. and there's no "show All" or pagination or anything in the U
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JPMorgan Chase will have hundreds, probably thousands of employees who work in virtual teams across borders. Eg product managers in the US and Europe, engineers in India. Those teams will be working remotely with each other. Whether they do so from home or the otfice is not going to magically get them together in person, but it will mean extra commute time and a shitload of background noise as they all join video calls from open plan office spaces instead of quiet home offices.
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But he is right, those petitions are useless, except to identify the troublemakers for future special treatment.
They'd probably have more luck getting together with employees from companies all over the municipalities where they're located, and pushing for ordinances that basically stipulate that in order to alleviate traffic/pollution/whatever, companies located there must allow employees to work from home if their job duties make it possible.
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The entire world is not the US, and JPMorgan has thousands of employees based overseas who have local country employment rights protecting them against unfair dismissal, requiring lengthy notice periods, etc
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And in a bunch of the countries working from home rights. The CEO simply cannot insist all works come into the office all the time unless they want to pull out of Europe.
True (Score:5, Insightful)
Re:True (Score:5, Insightful)
But the company should also realize that many folks will give less than 100% and do just enough to fly under the radar if they feel the company isn't listening.
Indeed:
He's not exactly given them much incentive to work hard by showing how much of an asshole he really is.
Re:True (Score:5, Insightful)
The beatings will continue until morale improves.
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There are very few organizations much larger than mom & pop scale that don't have this problem.
Re: True (Score:2)
My experience is also that it's an issue with big organisations. The government is a big organisation.
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The good employees will probably be the first to leave if they are dissatisfied with the company / management.
Looks like if you want to use a medicore bank, JP Morgan is the bank to use.
Free to leave (Score:2, Insightful)
"The CEO told them not to be mad at him, and said that it was a free country."
While there could be some discussion about whether "free country" still being a valid term in the current political climate, I'd agree that most employees are free to choose whether to work for an asshole like Dimon or not.
Whether there would be enough available jobs for everyone quitting would be another discussion altogether.
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They could just quiet quit. And probably many of them would do just that.
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They could just quiet quit. And probably many of them would do just that.
Then he'll eventually get fired for bad performance, with a golden parachute of course.
Don't get mad is right (Score:3)
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Give him credit. (Score:5, Insightful)
No double talk. No weasel words. You might not like his position, but you know exactly where he stands, and you can confidently make your decisions accordingly. You don't have to worry that you missed something in corporate jargon.
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"Elon Musk is our Einstein" No double talk. In fact, he's the straight-talk express.
Newton not Einstein (Score:2)
"Elon Musk is our Einstein" No double talk. In fact, he's the straight-talk express.
Yes, but he is also wrong. Einstein was, by all accounts, very much a humanitarian. Musk is your Newton. Newton was both a genius and an utter bastard. He was originally friends with Hooke but fell out when he decided Hooke (of Hooke's law fame) was trying to claim too much credit for the inverse-square law idea for gravity. At this point he did whatever he could to discredit Hooke even going so far as to destroy portraits of him so that today no contemporary portraits of Hooke survive.
When it came to L
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Musk is our Wernher von Braun, then ? Except for the fact that von Braun was an actual rocket scientist. Otherwise, their careers bear striking similarities.
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Oh, you sweet, innocent beautiful child. Never change, buddy.
90% of everything he’s doing right now is an act. Same goes for Trump. These are master showmen.
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The quotation is from Jamie Dimon. He is the object of my sarcasm.
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Yay! The march of the Elon clones continues. Your silver lining is from the exceedingly-small-mercies department.
Billionaires be billionairing. No need for good staff-management relations. No need for services. No need for any federal programs. No need for healthcare. The broligarchy can buy a hospital if they're ill, an army if they're under attack and a team of private tutors if they spawn a new generation. And always the dream of AI replacing their staff with a silent collective of money multiplying mini
No double talk? (Score:5, Interesting)
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Well, I would argue that conflating the efficiency of the lives of the workers with the efficiency of the corporation would, in fact, constitute weasel words. :) He doesn't muddy the waters.
Straight talk (Score:4, Insightful)
There are a lot of straight-talking people in the world. And "conservatives" are not the only people who appreciate that way of communicating.
You, on the other hand, equate straight talkers with "you know who."
Don't worry. You're not likely to become one.
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Aren't you inferring incorrectly from my post? Read it again. Never said a thing about the merits of it. Only pointed out transparency.
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Transparency? From la Presidente? Have you ever listened to him?
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My apologies. I hate the nesting formatting here...
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In a sense, he doesn't mean anything he says much like a 5 year old. He just makes shit up because he's never been screwed for doing it. It is working for him. It won't work for the U.S. though.
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What? I'm not giving him credit for being obnoxious. I'm giving him credit for being transparent.
Besides, your point makes no sense, because it can be applied to anybody at any time. It's a null point.
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Dimon is clearly obnoxious and opinionated but other than that but you don't know if he's telling the truth or what he is concealing. That isn't transparent.
employees have a choice whether to work at JPMorga (Score:2)
employees have a choice whether to work at JPMorgan
...as he said. So everyone with the slightest bit of marketable talent should be planning their exit. But don't just quit... negotiate a separation package.
JPMorgan will soon be left with only the dregs, such as the managers pushing for RTO and the employees happy enough to camp at their desks pretending to work.
Re:employees have a choice whether to work at JPMo (Score:4, Interesting)
I've worked at JPMC as a business associate, then as a software developer.
I asked other developers why they continued to work there when they could jump to most other companies to:
* Make more money
* Have a more flexible schedule or working arrangement
* Get better health benefits
* Get the same (or better) retirement benefits
* Still go back to JPMC if they were in dire need of a job
Many people did leave, over time. Most were complacent, liked the prestige and didn't believe it would be a simple transition.
I got a year padded on my resume then immediately jumped to make 25% more + wfh, at a job I still have well over 5 years later. I've interviewed since then to strong arm raises to another 25% on top.
I can't understand this blind fear to making your life better. I think software developers prefer low risk engagements, once they get comfortable. This may be most people with a comfortable job.
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It's all about life experiences. Some people have a real fear of ending up in homelessness by taking such a risk. As you say, they got a comfortable job they know well and are likely on good terms with the bosses, etc.
Not everyone is as confident as you are or may not have as many marketable skills.
I got a year padded on my resume then immediately jumped to make 25% more + wfh, at a job I still have well over 5 years later. I've interviewed since then to strong arm raises to another 25% on top.
This is pretty impressive to me. I don't think even your average person has this confidence. I'm actively working on improving my skillset so I can find a better job, but I'm definitely comfortable at my current
Re: employees have a choice whether to work at JPM (Score:2)
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Maybe money is not everything?
Re:employees have a choice whether to work at JPMo (Score:4, Interesting)
This is exactly what I don't understand about this bullshit.
Your best employees have marketable skills, and they're going to put themselves into the market.
Your average to garbage employees will put up with the bullshit because they tried to go somewhere else too, but failed. So they'll trudge into the office and waste half their day in the coffee room shooting the shit with other average dead-wood employees until it's time to punch the clock and go home. And wouldn't you know it: you reduced your footprint for being able to attract top talent by forcing people to be within a certain geographic area, so you're more likely to replace the top talent that leaves due to your dumbass policy with lesser talent that spends their time in the coffee room talking about what happened on last night's reality TV garbage.
What fantastic management.
Re: employees have a choice whether to work at JPM (Score:2)
What you say is true - it's common sense. And is also common sense for the JPM management.
The fact that they know this and still press hard with RTO means there are other forces at play which we don't see.
Maybe the company is ok with all office employees quitting? Who actually generates the business? - maybe a bunch of servers and top-level political connections? Maybe the in-office employees are just for customer service? Maybe super capable in-office employee is simply not set up to generate value due to
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Your best employees have marketable skills, and they're going to put themselves into the market.
No matter what their recruiters try to tell you, they don't want "the best". "The best" are troublemakers, even if only inadvertantly. Instead, they want "good enough to be a replaceable [1] cog in the machine."
[1] And you *will* be replaced as soon as it is short-term-cheaper to do so.
Re: employees have a choice whether to work at JPM (Score:2)
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It really depends on how much they are being paid to camp at their desk. It could be just enough to be a sort of "golden handcuffs". I have a pension plan and really good healthcare at my work but the wages aren't great. It's actually a great job if you aren't the breadwinner and it's an okay job if both members of a "dink" had the same job. This could be what these folks have at JPMorgan.
I figure if the CEO is saying this, it would be a good time to access your options, put some feelers out and see if you
If it's a free country... (Score:3)
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The word "freedom" can be contentious. Everyone has their own idea of what it means, but few people really think it through. A lot of people think of it as "the freedom to do whatever you want" and then temper that with "freedom has limits."
This is why my personal operating definition of freedom/liberty is: "an environment in which all interpersonal relationships are consensual."
It's still imperfect (or at least incomplete) because we do have interpersonal relationships where it's more nuanced than that: su
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A lot of people think of it as "the freedom to do whatever you want" and then temper that with "freedom has limits."
In (very) broad terms, "freedom" generally means the ability to do what you'd like, free from overreaching government interference, within the limits of the laws and the constitution.
Of course, that's a very simplified version, which lacks a lot of the important nuance, but still much closer than the generally understood (and incorrect) "that I can do whatever the fuck I want regardless of anyone and anything else".
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I'm not sure this is an issue of freedom. When you sign up to join a miniature dictatorship, you are exercising your freedom of association. You do have other options. You could join a small company, a privately owned company, a non-profit, you could start your own business.
Switching paradigms, I would ask why it is that we demand democracy from our most important of human organizations (the government), but allow the ALMOST as important human organizations (and in our quickly approaching cyberpunkian dyst
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Clueless, rich old fuck (Score:3)
A comment I saw elsewhere (Score:2)
said the somewhat widespread fanatical corporate fixation on Return to Office mandates is basically just to get people to quit.
That makes sense in terms of them not wanting to offer a severance package or pay unemployment.
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It also allows them to re-open the position if it's still needed at a lower salary, with the expectation that it's in-office work with no remote chance from the outset.
This is 100% about fucking over existing employees.
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That's pretty much what I assume it means, at least for most work done on a computer. Some of it's a generational thing to I think. I had a long tedious conversation with my mother about RTO with regards to government workers. Her position baffled me, even when I got her to agree that if 100% of work is done on the computer and work was being turned into the supervisors (showing productivity), she still felt those folks ought to be let go or RTO.
I could understand RTO for some work environments where face t
First rule of management (Score:2)
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It's comforting to think that and yet I am 100% positive he'll continue to live a life of luxury I can't even imagine.
A few weeks from now: (Score:4, Funny)
Manager: Hey John - noticed you haven't been in the office for the last 3 days, without any notice. What's going on?
John: Umm, don't understand your confusion here. Isn't it obvious to you by now? I've quit and got another job.
Manager: Oh. Well, why didn't you tell us you were leaving? That's customary.
John: Again, I don't understand your confusion - you were there when dictator Dimon gave his speech: he didn't want to anyone to "waste time" and "[didn't] care" about people's concerns on work policy, so that's exactly what I did when I decided I didn't want to work for an asshole anymore.
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That would feel pretty awesome.
imagine that... (Score:2)
I'm having a real problem believing that a benevolent billionaire at the top of the financial pyramid would show a complete lack of empathy and support for the plebs working underneath his regime. /s
Why would these people think he gives a shit about their concerns and daily tribulations? He's in a race with the other billionaires to crack the top-10, and that's no easy task when 8 of the top 10 are tech bros that make money by doing literally nothing but paying the electric bill.
Obsession (Score:2)
Obvs Ya'll (Score:2)
Commercial real estate is a MASSIVE chunk of a major bank like JP Morgan's holdings. Do you know what most of that real estate is? Office buildings, like skyscrapers bearing these banks names for examples and the downtown's of every major city, etc.
Unlike normal real estate the terms for commercial real estate are typically based on commercial revenues and not down payments or value of the property securing the loan.
This actually works great for the banks, these offices are sublet to businesses with long le
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Commercial real estate is a MASSIVE chunk of a major bank like JP Morgan's holdings.
This.
Will never work in an office again (Score:2)
My employer has been trying to get people back in the office.
For years now, I've been telling my bosses that I just won't do it and that they are free to fire me.
3 years this has been going on. Haven't been fired, won't be fired, and won't attend the office, at all. And if by some chance they do grow the balls to fire me, I'll have another job within the week.
Work from home is here to stay.
Clear Attempt at Manipulation (Score:2)
You can tell your employees what to do, but telling them how they should feel about it is a sign of manipulative behavior. If an executive for my employer did this, I'd start looking for a new position immediately.
the beatings will continue... (Score:2)
until morale improves
Free Country (Score:4, Informative)
It's laughable that we live in a free country. We live in a work-or-die country, and we have little to no power at all. It would be more of a free country if the entire working class could organize into a united front, but that is not possible. We live the golden rule every day: he who has the gold makes the rules.
Free country my ass.
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That is your parents fault. It is their decision that forces you to work. That is the root cause and that is what should be fixed.
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His toxic leadership [....]
Why is he OK with making less money for his investors?
It's a total power trip for him. I'm sure he'd make for a model cop.
Re:How free a country Jamie Dimon thinks it is (Score:4, Informative)
https://ancillary-proxy.atarimworker.io?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.the-independent.co... [the-independent.com]
"Say hi to snow white"
The US is definitely a free and equal country ... but just a bit more free and equal for some people.
The last line from Dimon is telling, "The CEO told them not to be mad at him." He wants to dictate orders, be ginormously compensated, and also liked. Somehow people in power have this addiction to the the fawning of the masses, so much so that they artificially generate it if necessary.
Re:How free a country Jamie Dimon thinks it is (Score:5, Insightful)
https://ancillary-proxy.atarimworker.io?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.the-independent.co... [the-independent.com]
"Say hi to snow white"
The US is definitely a free and equal country ... but just a bit more free and equal for some people.
The last line from Dimon is telling, "The CEO told them not to be mad at him." He wants to dictate orders, be ginormously compensated, and also liked. Somehow people in power have this addiction to the the fawning of the masses, so much so that they artificially generate it if necessary.
What's sad is the number of people that actually do fawn over these assholes. Middle management types REALLY go wild over these types of assholes, as if they'd even be patted on the head in passing by them. I've known a few at my management level that go off on huge rants about how important it is that we have uber rich folks around so we all have something to aspire to, otherwise there's no incentive for working hard. I used to try to logically discuss the point with them, until I realized it's just another form of religion replacement, that seems to be happening in all sorts of weird ways in the US now. They literally worship these assholes, and see them as better than everyone else. Like life is a video game, and net worth is the scoring system. More money = better person. It's really a fucked up perspective on values.
Re:How free a country Jamie Dimon thinks it is (Score:4, Interesting)
There is a certain kind of person who will rationalize their aberrant behavior using anything at hand. The prime example is the Prosperity Gospel cult in Christianity. Jesus allegedly said (paraphrase) give up your possessions and follow me. That was easy for him, he was an apocalyptic preacher. Apocalypticism started among Jews roughly 200 yrs before Jesus. They looked around and wondered why the Jews were getting the short end of the stick since they were not worshiping false idols or not keeping the laws. They glommed onto the idea there must be an evil force in the world that was doing it to them. Twas but a short step from that to God will eventually send a savior to remove all the naughty people.
Jesus thought that savior would vanquish the hated Romans. And he thought that would happen within his lifetime. His words to the effect he had to die first were later add ons by early Christians who had to explain why the Romans nailed him up. He did not think he would be that savior. He thought he would be King of the Jews whereas the savior would be someone of power and abilities far beyond mortal man, able to leap tall buildings in a single bound, etc. To the Romans, that sounded like sedition, there could be only one king or emperor and he was in Rome.
The sign over Jesus' head on the cross was probably a later addition by Christians who were trying vigorously to square all the circles with which they'd been left. And the Christians' whining that the Jews put the Romans up to it was because they were being rejected by the Jews so they thought they could get back at Jews for being rejected. The Romans were not in the habit of listening to Jews or anyone else.
Given that the End-O-The-World was not nigh, the Christians decided it made more sense to keep their possessions. The current lot of Evangelicals decided the early Christians didn't go far enough and they should acquire as many possessions as they could, 'cause the End-O-The-World is a'coming, but it might not be nigh. That makes them easy pickins for dolts like el Bunko who is currently promising them the riches of Canada and Greenland and an el Bunko-World in Gaza. It isn't quite right to say they lost their principles, it is more like they found principles that they liked. Christianity is just something they use to keep their kids in line and bully everyone else.
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Dimon is clearly just trying to make people quit. That is the entire reason for "back to office" despite the higher productivity and cost savings for the employee and the company by not having an office and commute to deal with.
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Re: You're all wrong. (Score:2)
You are (Score:5, Insightful)
There's nothing wrong with the CEO saying people have to come to the office and do their jobs. There's nothing unusual about it, and five years ago nobody would have thought twice about it.
No, the genie is out of the bottle, everyone knows that work from home is a true manifestation of life/work balance. We all have to move forward and adapt to changing market conditions, now that the shoe is on the other foot the emperor has no clothes. The hypocrisy of claims to care about the environment whilst making decisions that harm it, to care about employee well being whilst impacting it, to claim that productivity is the most important thing whilst making such a decisions that destroy it.
Nor will everyone leave. Nor will just the good employees leave.
They will bide their time, silently look for a better deal and then they will leave. Everyone will be looking for a better deal and companies who offer remote work will attract the best talent. This is how the market works.
In the meantime people who have to commute will wish that all of those people who could work from home did so that their necessary commute is shorter.
The overwhelming majority of employees will be back in the office, some will complain but come anyway, and in a couple years everyone will forget about it.
No they won't. They will remember how much they could get done in their life with all of that commuting out of the way and gradually realize commuting time impacts them and not the employer. In the meantime some employers will realize the cost saving in real estate expenses and find ways to utilize that better so that they can also get the productivity benefits that come with people working from home. Eventually market conditions will change and they will again have to compete for labor to expand and the normalization of working from home will achieve equilibrium with the work roles that require people to commute.
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Nope. Research says you are full of crap and stuck in the past. Work from an office is an old and outdated model and the wrong one for a lot of things. But the dumb (like you) are deeply stuck in it, so what it took is a large-scale experiment showing that (as usual) research is exactly right. Covid delivered that experiment.
Not about Productivity. At all. (Score:2)
There's nothing wrong with the CEO saying people have to come to the office and do their jobs. There's nothing unusual about it, and five years ago nobody would have thought twice about it.
Nor will everyone leave. Nor will just the good employees leave. The overwhelming majority of employees will be back in the office, some will complain but come anyway, and in a couple years everyone will forget about it.
Yeah, or Capitalism might do what Capitalism does best and find Greed starting up a new company backed by some billionaire who came up with the craaaazy idea that employee happiness just might create a shitload of productivity. The kind of productivity created when you offer full support for WFH. Along with a 5% bump in pay (because zero corporate real estate expenses), no more employees sucking tailpipe through a stressed windshield twice a day 5 days a week (lower stress, lower medical insurance premium
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There's nothing wrong with the CEO saying people have to come to the office and do their jobs. There's nothing unusual about it, and five years ago nobody would have thought twice about it.
You’re right. But five years ago a planet still believed that people could simply not work from home. That business would simply fail. That innovation would cease. Sad it took a pandemic to prove all of that was bullshit, but it still happened.
And employees were all the wiser about executive tactics. Tactics like forced RTO mandates for executives sake.
Grown ass adults don’t have a problem returning to the office. Grown ass adults have a problem with arrogant CEOs lying to them about the