when it's grasshoppers.

We're all doin' what we can...

Or if they said you should just grab women by the pussy. That'd be sure to end their careers, right?

It's easy if you try

I did not know that. Yes, that makes them look a lot more like General Services.

While there is certainly a parallel in the arcs of their growth, Amazon and General Services have fundamentally different business models. Amazon has become "we sell anything" while General Services was "we'll perform any (legal) service".

They also walk dogs.

There was always Lehrer's own favorite review (from the New York Times, no less):

""Mr Lehrer's muse is not fettered by such inhibiting factors as taste."

It's not NSYNC.

No. Perjury is legally defined as lying under oath or on a legal document that you signed. Other lying, even if it is criminally illegal, is not perjury.

Because they got it when it was pretty much the best alternative, and wasn't much more expensive. Then Broadcom bought it, leaving them staring at a massive migration project to get out.

Complete with his Dreamworks face.

I'll pick number 3 for the win.

Of course conspiracies happen. Conspiracies happen all the time. Conspiracies don't happen without creating any hard evidence about their existence. Conspiracies of any size don't happen without somebody involved willing to tell the world about it ("Three can keep a secret if two of them are dead.").

Stay alert. Trust no one. Keep your laser handy.