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Journal sillypixie's Journal: and the crap hits the fan 21

Journal by sillypixie

I'm sitting here at work. I have to go home, and I desperately don't want to go. I know hubby and I are going to get into it but good when I get there. I don't feel capable of defending myself.

I was supposed to go to a girls night tonight. I went to a girls night yesterday (different girls). Yesterday hubby was furious at me for going out. Today, he called me at 4:30 and asked what I intended to do. When I replied that I was going to go to girls night, he exploded. He considers it a slap in the face that I would go there, when we haven't seen each other "for a month".

(I was away for 2 weeks working in California -- at the same time he was in Belize for 2 weeks on a course for work).

I asked him what it was that we would do tonight, if I were to stay home. He didn't like that question. Nosiree.

So I said I would come home. And I'm going home. And it will be a horrible miserable night of sacrifice, because nothing I can say or do will make him feel better now. I'm just going home to do penance, and to share the misery, and to weather the storm. For me to come home and be with him under duress is tantamount to an open admission that I prefer the girls over him. To go out with the girls is worse, I guess. He won't believe me if I say anything else. I certainly can't honestly say that I prefer to be with him now, because I don't. I would rather be anywhere else, anywhere.

I'm such a coward. I just want out. I want away. I want to not hurt him any more. I want to be happy myself. I want this whole mess to just disappear. I need to not always have this pit of despair inside of me.

I don't want to talk, I don't want to yell, I don't want to cajole or plead or sit silently mute. We don't have even a base agreement on what it means to spend time together. Everything I do outside of our house is held against me (and I do a lot outside of the house, his arguments are valid there, I can't deny it). If I stop doing all that because of the unspoken but obvious ultimatum, I will be doing nothing but providing lipservice.

Escape. All I can think of is Escape.

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and the crap hits the fan More

and the crap hits the fan

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  • Email me... pythor at pythor dot com

    Or don't... It's up to you.

  • Comment removed (Score:3, Insightful)

    by account_deleted ( 4530225 ) * on Saturday May 13, 2006 @12:16AM (#15323451)
    Comment removed based on user account deletion
  • Well at this point I'd agree things don't sound like they are working for you.

    You really have three choices:
    1. Do nothing and continue to grin it an bear it.
    2. Try to make the relationship work for both of you.
    3. Get the heck out.

    #1 isn't healthy because it sounds like both of you are miserable with the current state of affairs.
    #2 is really only viable if both of you are willing to do the give and take necessary to work things out.

    If you don't think the two of you are going to be able to work things out in
  • Pix,

    I'm sorry to hear that it hasn't gotten better over the last year. I'll offer my 2 cents via email if you like. But the bottom line is that you have some hard decisions to make, and I am sad & sorry that you are in a place where you have to make them.

    My thoughts are with you, and I hope you make the best possible decisions for you.

    Stiff upper lip and all that rot.
    Take care. :-(
  • ...particularly RW. And this:

            This above all: to thine own self be true,
            And it must follow, as the night the day,
            Thou canst not then be false to any man.

                                    -- William Shakespeare, from     Hamlet

    You can handle this. I believe in you.
  • Were the two girls' nights out pre-planned and did hubby know about them in advance? If so, he is definitely in the wrong.

    However, if one or both of the nights was spontaneous, then maybe a fair compromise would have been to politely decline the second night's festivities with the girls...

    Either way, it is not good when there is such tension in a relationship - I wish there was something I could do...
  • If you need to "talk" you know my mail address...
  • Granted, it may be a bit unfair to say, but marriage is sacrifice and compromise... not to sound mean, but I don't go out roleplaying every two weeks like I want because then I wouldn't spend any time with my wife or kids. Its all about the commitment to marriage and family...
    • Hey you. Yeah YOU, Josh. I'm gonna call total BULLSHIT on this.

      Sacrifice and Compromise? WTF?!?!

      Granted, they both have a place in ANY relationship that requires any kind of investment. But they shouldn't be the main features. Marriage is meant to ENHANCE and FULFILL our lives -- supposed to make it BETTER, not drag us down and leave us with regrets.

      In your case, FK, if roleplaying every two weeks is something that you want to do, that is really meaningful to you, then you should be able to arrange so
    • I agree with Bethanie on this one... one day out of fourteen is somehow not spending any time with the wife and kids? That's nuts! I hope you stay at home once in a while and tell your wife to go out and enjoy something that she does. Being 100% tied down at home and never going out on your own time (that's what I'm hearing anyway) is completely ludicrous.
       
      • Here's the regular work day. Wake up, see the kids as I head out. Come home. Eat dinner with the kids, bath the kids, put the kids to bed. My youngest goes to sleep at 7:30, Joey at 8. I hardly see them Mon-Fri. So the only time I get to see them is on the weekend. Taking a 6 hour break for myself every other weekend? That isn't fair to my wife who stays home witht he kids on the weekdays, now is it?

        And, yes, she does have her time out, usually during the week when I get home from work and can han
        • Comment removed based on user account deletion
        • Taking a 6 hour break for myself every other weekend? That isn't fair to my wife who stays home witht he kids on the weekdays, now is it?

          Why would it be unfair? I'm not asking rhetorically... I really want to know.

          The way I see it, you work hard to pay the bills and make sure there's food to eat, clothes to wear, a roof over everyone's head, and many other things. That occupies you morning to evening, and you then come home and do more with the kids. She works hard to raise them, provide a good environme
          • She sacrifices probably 9 hours (maybe more) of her day to not having any adult interaction. She raises 4 children (my two, my niece, and someone's kid from church). We only have a couple hours every weekday to talk, and, trust me, raising kids is quite exhausting. If I took a weekday night off and did something, it'd be a lot less of an impact than taking a large amount of time on the weekend.
            • The difference is you and your wife have a healthy trusting relationship. I'm sure you've made plenty of mistakes along the way, but I'm pretty sure you do take time to communicate with your wife about each others needs, and if you can realistically satify them :)

              Pixie and husband don't have the same level of trust, because pixie's husband is quite paranoid. I understand what it's like to feel that way, but I also understand the needs of a carrer oriented individual. For instance if i were in a relationsh
  • It sounds like you two have radically different neediness levels. Good luck.
  • I can't say that I have much in the way of experience to lend, nor easy advice to help you out. That said, I wish you luck in finding happiness and comfort.

    I will leave you with this cryptic little statement, though, that has made itself evident to me through my past relationships. Sadly I can never phrase it better than this: Nobody can make another happy until they are happy themselves.
  • it's tough to give reasonable advice with only one side of the story.

    but i'll try anyway.

    it sounds like you have been avoiding your husband because you don't like the way he's been acting. for example, in a healthy relationship, it would be normal to want to spend some alone time with a spouse, even if some of the separation were due to business trips. i don't mean to offend or take sides on that, just to say it doesn't sound like your relationship is very healthy. you seem to feel tied down and limited
  • Pix, You know that I know that divorce is hell. But you must be happy and if you have tried everything.. THAT IS: Therapy, talking, thinking, screaming, loving, seducing (I know that pink/orange polka dot langerie that we shopped for, just had to get him goin), screwing, crying, laughing, hitting, kissing, talking, argueing and talking and nothing works then, then , then you know. All Beers on me next time you are in town. Luv, NCALGAL

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