when you need one.

and we'll invade Greenland so we can take their rare earth minerals.

with a "customer service" phone number on the stock for when the damn thing jams.
"Please hold your fire... all agents are helping other warriors; one will be with you as soon as they are free. If you are still alive, please press One..."

apple follows all local laws when it is convenient for them to do so. why would they inconvenience themselves by adhering to "laws" voted on by millions of the residents whose pennies apple wants? Let them eat iCake.

It's an iSock!!!
Good grief. The worst part is I know they're going to sell a bunch of 'em.
"It MUST be better... it's from Apple!" Blat.

good ol' price fixing.

because peanuts is they're going to get in the future.

I need yo.. Bzzt Bzzt Bzzt.
Oops.

Everything has to be a competition these days, huh?
Heaven forbid someone "is doing better" or "has more stuff" than ME.
That just can't stand in today's world. Useless, stupid, and totally unnecessary.

to tell the judge why the stupid human used AI.
As a matter of fact, you don't need the stupid lawyer at all!

it's not a lie. - G. Costanza
More government using the Costanza maxim to guide their policy.

"Tech giants including Microsoft, Google, Amazon, Meta and Nvidia poured tens of billions of dollars into building and upgrading data centers."
And buying lobbyists! Don't forget the lobbyists!

If you think the 2008 credit scam crash was bad, wait til the bottom drops out of this one.
Gonna be a whole lotta broke people on the streets.

"Studies have linked early-onset cancers to medications taken during pregnancy, ultra-processed foods that now account for more than half of daily calorie intake in the United States, circadian rhythm disruption from artificial light and shift work, and chemical exposures."
What a great country!

to be Apple.