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Journal bethanie's Journal: Deja Vu All Over Again 27

Journal by bethanie
Linky.

So guess what Hubby did today?

For all of you who remained silent -- BINGO!! You got it exactly right!! What brilliance!













Or not.

So. Yeah. Right.

It's hard to say whether I'm more hurt or more pissed off. Definitely a combination of both, though.

Maybe I can ask you something: What's the difference between *actually* forgetting your spouse's birthday OR just *pretending* that you have OR remembering it, but not saying anything about it?

My answer: NOTHING. (Although I'm happy to field arguments to the contrary -- but not really. "Receptive" is NOT the word I would use to describe my mood at the moment.)

Hubby finally wished me a happy birthday over a toast of his Diet Coke can at supper (which I, of course, cooked) this evening. At right around 9:00 pm.

The thing is, I *think* I might be able to enjoy this sort of thing if it were a joke. And the only way it could be a joke is that if I were certain that Hubby would NEVER forget my birthday. But it's not something I would put past him for a second -- he can get pretty wrapped up in his own stuff, and I can get to feeling pretty neglected.

He says he didn't forget -- that he was just saving it up for when I got to open my cards. Saving it up?! I hadn't realized that there was a limited number of times that one could wish one's spouse a happy birthday. I'm sure I've been blowing MY budget for YEARS now!

You know, maybe he never would forget my birthday. Maybe my being hurt by this whole thing just reflects my own deep-seated insecurities and fears. That's probably all it is -- just my own little peccadillos, my own flaws, my own problems.

But -- OOPS -- guess who Hubby's married to?! Guess what comes with the package?

You know, I don't *want* to be high maintenance. I *want* to be laid-back and easy going and the kind of wife that you just couldn't find anything to complain about.

But if wanting to be wished a Happy Birthday by my husband before 9 pm the night of is too much to ask, then I guess I'll never live up to (down to?) those standards.

Thanks to those of you who did wish me a Happy Birthday (particularly without nudging, nagging, or reminding! I'm impressed!!). I really appreciate it. And so, I assure you, does Hubby. ;-)
This discussion was created by bethanie (675210) for no Foes, but now has been archived. No new comments can be posted.

Deja Vu All Over Again More

Deja Vu All Over Again

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  • Comment removed based on user account deletion
    • Tequila, enchiladas, a blow job and a good flick are enough for me.

      Well, you're a demanding little fucker, aintchya?

      All I wanted was to know he hadn't forgotten it. That's all. It's not really about my BIRTHDAY, see?

      No. I don't suppose you do.

      No problem. :-) You're not the sorry bastard who has to put up with my shit. :-D

      ....Bethanie....
      • well you'd be in trouble with me, i've been known to forget my own name, and age, and birthday...

        i can understand how you feel about wanting to be acknowledged on ones birthday... but otoh you say you don't want a big fuss made over it... what's a guy supposed to do? maybe you should suggest to hubby, that while you don't expect big fusses to be made over birthday's that one always appreciates the effort?

        I think perhaps hubby was saving 'emotional energy' because you have likely told him birthdays have ne
      • Comment removed based on user account deletion
  • Next year plan your own birthday. Sure, it doesn't have that romanticized notion of a "surprise celebration," but at least your birthday will be forcibly recognized and enjoyed.

    If I want to do something besides premeditated moping (because when something is that predictable, that's really what it is), I plan it myself. (Well, not always...but I did plan my own birthday outing this year.)
    • Don't get me wrong, I did thoroughly enjoy my day. Took the kids down to the mall, had lunch out, downloaded some podcasts -- it was fun!

      And I totally agree with you about making my own plans if I want to do something special. After all, I *did* arrange the whole iPod purchase thing -- that was my birthday present for this year, and quite a biggie, if I do say so myself.

      But after a while, and I don't know if this comes from married life or if it's just me or what the problem is -- after a while, it woul
      • Molly Ringwald feels your pain.

        But seriously, I get it. You're talking to the person whose boyfriend said "we should go out to dinner to celebrate your graduation!" and then, after the meal, said "it's your turn to pay."

        Glaring didn't work, either. I had to explain how celebrations are not a part of the turn-based paying system. Especially celebrations at his suggestion. He gets it now, I hope.
        • Molly Ringwald feels your pain.

          Gee, SW. Thanks for helping me hate myself even more. Didn't think that would be possible right about now.

          :-)

          ....Bethanie....
        • HAHHAHAHAHAHHA!

          What an idiot. Granted I was one of those guys who always paid. Old fashion I guess.

          And since this is the only comment I've felt like responding to in this JE, the problem is obvious bethanie. Your birthday is on the wrong day. My wife's is Christmas, so its easy to remember! The problem comes when trying to do something sweet for her on her birthday, which just isn't going to happen since the only place open on her birthday is a chinese restaurant an hour away. And we pretty much have
          • What an idiot

            No. Just an isolated incident of idiotry.

            Granted I was one of those guys who always paid. Old fashion I guess.

            It seems awfully silly to me for his income to be cut by $5000 every year that we're together simply because he has the penis. Especially given that I earn slightly more than him. At this point, most couples would be splitting entertainment costs 50/50 anyway simply by virtue of being married and having joint finances.
            • Yeah, as I said, I'm fairly old fashion (in some ways). If you think it's a penis thing, you'd be wrong, while I may happen to have one, it doesn't factor into the equation at all. It is actually more of a lack of being able to bear children, nurse, and the fact that I who ever I was dating at the time and I decided to get married and have children I better be able to provide for her and the child. If I am unable to provide a meal while we are dating, my chances of providing for her later on?

              I suppose yo
      • interesting.... the church I went to last week had a message on marriage. Here were the basic points, ones which I had not heard phrased quite like this, and which did casue me to do a bit more thinking (these are generalizations so try not to find fault with that part of it):

        -Men find it easy to give respect, having been raised looking up to situations that demonstrate respect (ie playing army & generals, stronger/faster kids, etc).
        -Women find it easy to "take trouble" aka find the little things to do
  • ...I'm a DEAD MAN.

    See, my wife's b-day is February 13. Do the math. ;)

    (For those of you that aren't familiar with American traditions, February 14 is Valentine's Day... Look it up.)
    • For similar reasons my Dad is not allowed to forget his and my stepmother's anneversary. (they got married on the 14th)

      OTOH I'm pretty sure he's forgotten her birthday on more than one occasion.
  • Sorry hubby. You're a dick.

    Don't fucking forget your wife's birthday. Carve the date into the head of your cock so everytime you piss and it hurts like Hell you remember your wife rocks like Gilbralter.

    If he hasn't carved your brith date into the head of his cock by noon today I say you do it with an old X-Acto knife by two PM.
    • Well, see, the thing is -- he didn't forget. He just decided that it would be more special if he "saved it up" till the very end of the day.

      I've had a full night's (and into the afternoon, actually) sleep, and I feel MUCH better now -- but I still don't understand it. But at least I can laugh about it now.

      I'll keep the exacto in mind, though. :-)

      ....Bethanie....
      • Well, see, the thing is -- he didn't forget. He just decided that it would be more special if he "saved it up" till the very end of the day.

        I would take this as an opportunity to "educate" hubby on the difference between the way that he percieves your birthday and the way that you want it celebrated. We all know that it's unreasonable to expect anyone to read our minds and know instinctively what we want.

        Take this opportunity to explain exactly what it is that you want for future birthdays and if he mes

        • Great minds, darlin'.

          That's precisely what I did. In general terms, anyway. :-)

          The rules are:
          1. Wish me a happy birthday as soon in the day as you remember it, even if that turns out to be pretty late.
          2. A card is nice. Bought or homemade, it's the thought that counts.
          3. Be sincere.

          Anything above and beyond that is left entirely up to his discretion (or lack of it, I could only hope!). ;-)

          ....Bethanie....

          • The rules are:
                  1. Wish me a happy birthday as soon in the day as you remember it, even if that turns out to be pretty late.

            Umm, Happy Belated Birthday. *grin*

            I'm lucky, my wife's b-day is exactly one week after mine, her sister's is the day after that, and her brother's (as well as my mother's) is on Holloween. Built in reminders.

            Cheers,
            =Blue
  • Warmest wishes to you on your special day. I hope the sun was shining and everyone smiled at you and told you how wonderful you are. ~Claudette
  • It seems I'm missing everyone's birthdays by a day lately. Hope hubby makes up for it all weekend long.
  • I was of course saving it up until 9 pm German time today.

    Dunno, I somehow manage to remember BoE's birthday and try to do something especially nice for her each year. Though I did blow it kinda badly last year, as I made a card for her trumpeting HAPPY XXXVIII BIRTHDAY and taped it to the kitchen door so she'd see it when she got up. I made the card at 3 am and wasn't quite thinking straight. Problem is that she wasn't turning 38, but 36.

    Whoops.

    Cheers,

    Ethelred

  • I have no trouble remembering birthdays. Sometimes I have problems remembering the date or day of the week though. I was about to go to karate the other day and I happened to look at the date on my cell phone and went, wait... it's Stephanie's birthday! I hadn't forgotten her birthday, I had just been so busy I didn't know what day of the month it was.

    Happy belated birthday!

  • I didn't know, so that lets me off.

    Happy Birthday, a day late!

    TFG
  • Some people remember things, some people use PDAs, 3x5 cards and the like to remind them of things, and some people just don't remember things. It isn't anything personal. That's who they are. So next time, instead of testing them (which you know they will fail most of the time, and piss you off) - remind them. Week before, and a couple days before - "Hey it's next Friday, lets do something/eat in, whatever." or "Hey it's next Friday, _you_ need to come up with some options on what we should do. etc."
  • Granted, I forget my OWN birthday. Does that count as a mitigating circumstance?

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