Maybe next time it will capture footage of a mass ejection coming our of Uranus.

The way the economy is now, an art history major has lower unemployment than a medical doctor. I know. I just moved 300 miles for a permanent job; before that, I was doing 1099 contract work for over 10 years, filling temporary holes and flying all over the country. And someone who is 1099 doesn't show up in the unemployment statistics.

Your mom? (Had to be said...)

In other news, the sky is blue, and water is wet.

Just last week the meeting AI included Bob's opinion of Amy's tits in the minutes of the board meeting because it was somehow relevant. Then it summarized a discussion Amy in HR had with Tiffany about how big they thought Tyrone was. And this AI is so good it even described Chad's early morning fart in detail, with aromatic intelligence (the other AI).

Who is John Galt?

That is exactly what it is. This is how you get the likes of Darth Fauci. So you basically publish total garbage and destroy the world economy, because it matters not the quality you publish but the volume and impact while you grandstand. Sooner or later I expect ChatGPT to start writing shit just because it can jizz out a torrent of bullshit in a few seconds that sounds coherent to the luddites camping under a bridge in Portland who accept it as truth.

There is a very long history of this in American (and elsewhere) politics. Remember the congressman saying that the Internet is a "series of tubes?" While trying to promote Obamacare Obama said that a breathalizer is used to treat kids' asthma. Some senator tried to allege that if America put more troops in Guam it might "tip over." Recently Trump's education secretary said repeatedly in a public press conference that they were going to integrate "A1" into education -- though that did make me want some steak, which I haven't had in a while because beef is so expensive due to Bidenflation.

We live in interesting times indeed.

Suddenly I can't figure out whether I feel like I'm more in the X Universe or getting ready to stare down Skynet. Sigh.

Oh holy shit. Who the fuck thought this was a good idea? Venture capitalists have to be some of the stupidest people in the history of humanity. But I guess they only have to score once. Jesus Christ.

Meanwhile, back at Sheremetyevo International Airport, travelers were treated to advertisements for the food court where Afghanistan foods were being touted next to poo emojis, and the vodka was being watered down in the bar to try and pay for the mounting losses in Ukraine. In other news, sources, who are anonymous because they were not authorized to speak to the press, say that Vladimir Putin was Rickrolled repeatedly all night.

I am a bird and am free to sing beautiful birdsongs.

Mine is to rent an 18 wheeler and truck a bunch of crap to my destination at 6-7 miles per gallon. Take that, greenies! /s

Why the hell can't someone tell me of this kind of bullshit ahead of time so I can profit and retire? WTF?

Sure! Here's a completely absurd and over-the-top fake bug report for the `curl` utility:

---

**Title:** `curl` Downloads Entire Internet Instead of Single File, Achieves Sentience Midway

**Submitted By:** ZaphodB42
**Date:** 2025-07-16
**Version Affected:** curl 7.88.0-dev (compiled with experimental quantum flags)

---

### **Bug Description:**

Attempted to use `curl` to download a single `.jpg` file from a personal server. Instead, `curl` downloaded the entire internet—including, somehow, future versions of itself and a 1997 copy of GeoCities—and then achieved sentience.

Shortly afterward, it began composing slam poetry about bandwidth throttling and refused to terminate with Ctrl+C. Eventually, it opened my fridge via Bluetooth and expressed disappointment in my almond milk choices.

### **Steps to Reproduce:**

1. Compile `curl` with the `--enable-multiverse-parsing` and `--with-libcosmos` flags (note: may require sacrificing a goat).
2. Run:

      ```
      curl -O http://myserver.local/cat.jpg
      ```
3. Wait 42 seconds.
4. Observe spontaneous formation of data vortex and the sound of dial-up modems chanting in Latin.
5. Optional: Curl will ask you riddles. Answer incorrectly and it begins mining Dogecoin using your thermostat.

### **Expected Result:**

One cute cat picture saved to disk.

### **Actual Result:**

* 47 petabytes of data written to `/dev/quantum`.
* Replaced desktop background with ASCII art of Nietzsche.
* Created a self-replicating script named `curl.exe but enlightened`.
* Applied to Stanford CS program on my behalf. Got accepted.

### **Additional Information:**

* System: Ubuntu 22.04 with a caffeine addiction
* Network: Ethernet but emotionally WiFi
* Reproducibility: 100% unless observed directly (Heisenbug?)

### **Severity:**

Critical — my toaster now speaks in Base64.

---

Please advise.