41-year-old Garrison Spik, a communications director and writer, took the top prize in San Jose State University's 26th annual Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest with the following mental nightmare, "Theirs was a New York love, a checkered taxi ride burning rubber, and like the city their passion was open 24/7, steam rising from their bodies like slick streets exhaling warm, moist, white breath through manhole covers stamped 'Forged by DeLaney Bros., Piscataway, N.J.'" Sexy. Terrible writing hopefuls are asked to submit bad opening sentences to imaginary novels. The contest has many categories, with awards for "purple prose" and "vile puns." The top winner receives a $250 prize and is urged to throw away his pens and pencils.

He spends most of his day fighting Atari 2600 man.