Comment Re:This is based on conversations with people dati (Score 1) 130
>You got me...I'm married. I'm not short or ugly...but never the tallest or best looking in any room.
Ok, so that means you are probably pretty reasonable looking, and reasonably tall. All you need to be is top 20%, which it seems you are, or pretty close. This means that what most men are complaining about here isn't going to apply to you, you would have a relatively easy time dating in the current environment in the USA.
>I met my wife online in the early days of those apps, but seeing my single male friends, the ones who took the process seriously had many choices of women (late 30s to early 50s)
The apps have changed a lot since then. In the past (OK Cupid..etc), you could use your PC and search, filter on traits get a list of people to explore further. It was golden and easy to find and meet people. These days though, it is 'swipidy-swipidy-swipidy-swipe-swipe-swipe' apps only, and you can usually only use a phone for most of these apps, not a PC with a real keyboard, so this is not very conducive to writing more than 'hi' or 'whatsup' as an opener to a few women. A phone is a terrible interface for searching and interacting with people on a serious basis. As well, the app companies have gotten better at understanding psychology, and they want you addicted to that swiping, and not to find anyone suitable (which means you would use the app less, and see less ads which makes you less valuable to them). Nowadays, the apps are well designed to ensure that most people do not succeed, so they keep using the app.
As well, compared to the past before apps (especially the way they are now) because of those apps, the dating market is now extremely liquid compared to before. So this means the top 20% of guys get their inboxes utterly flooded with women without much effort, while the rest of the men don't get much of anything at all no matter what they do or how much effort they put in. Before, when there was less liquidity than now, guys who may not have been as physically attractive in their photo, could make some effort, and still attract reasonable women. That is not as true today because of apps the way they are now designed (very focused on one picture..etc).
>Men are definitely disadvantaged, but there are more women on the planet than men...
Well, yes, that is true, but it is because women live longer than men. Most of those 'extra' women are in their 80s so it doesn't really count.
>I am confident that if you have realistic expectations and have basic skills enough to be a good friend as well as reasonable effort into your appearance (like comb your hair, shower, and keep a healthy-ish weight), you'll find "a" woman with reasonable effort and probably find a good woman if you do things right.
You forgot the one major thing that men cannot control, namely height (short men, no matter how otherwise attractive they are or much of the above they do, have an extremely hard time dating in the USA, where the very minimum dating height for a white male to be even moderately successful is around 5'10 or 5'11). It is one of the most important criteria for women in dating besides extreme wealth. If you are a short white male and in the USA, there is not much you can really do except move to somewhere else where you are not one of the shortest men.
>and if you're white, you're at a huge advantage if you're open to other races....
Yes, this is absolutely true. White (especially American) men, even average men are very extremely highly desired everywhere in the world.. except in America. This is why 'passport bro' is a real thing and works. When I am in the USA, I get pretty much nothing on the apps. Though I am well educated, fun and a good time, I don't have 'tinder face', and I'm very short. So apps usually filter me out on the pic and the height filter, so don't work for me basically at all. When I am in Japan, Korea, Taiwan or Thailand though, my phone explodes with attractive women and they are easy to date.
So yes, apps are a very very big deal in what most men these days are complaining about, and dating is absolutely much much worse than it was in the past for most men as a result.