Journal subgeek's Journal: i wrote it. so i'm going to post it. 5

and i was talking to sam when he posted his last night.

x\\ spell your name backwards: tterb
x\\ have you ever had a song written about you: yes. more than once.
x\\ what song makes you cry: the sampling at the end of untold stories by meat beat manifesto makes me sad. "what is the world's most vicious animal?" ... "i wish they'd find some way to control the subjects a man studies. a maniac with a lot of knowledge is a threat." ... "but these are people. you don't handle them like animals!" ... "what is the world's most vicious animal?" beloved by VNV nation has made me cry.
x\\ what song makes you happy: acrid avid jam shred by aphex twin
x\\ what's your all time fav. song?: that is difficult to say. i'll choose monologue by haujobb.
x\\ what do you listen to before you go to sleep: it's always the same, and it's always different.
x\\ height: six feet. but only if you measure me first thing in the morning.
x\\ hair color: dark brown with an increasing amount of white. my beard has a lot of red in it.
x\\ piercings: no
x\\ tattoos: no

r i g h t _ n o w . . .
x\\ what color pants are you wearing: a deep muted ochre. most would probably call it khaki.
x\\ what song are you listening to: let it snow (the muzak version!) is playing over the PA at work. last thing i listened to on purpose was the paranoia mix of making me nervous by brad sucks
x\\ what taste is in your mouth?: pretzels
x\\ whats the weather like?: chilly and overcast. might be raining.
x\\ how are you?: i'm a little tired. that's standard fare.
x\\ get motion sickness?: no.
x\\ have a bad habit?: no. i have several. procrastination is probably the worst of them.
x\\ get along with your parents?: really well.
x\\ boyfriend/girlfriend: i married her
x\\ have a current crush: only in the appreciating sort of way. milla jovovich is usually on the list.
x\\ have a big regret: yes, but they've helped shape my life.

f a v o u r i t e . . .
x\\ tv show: aqua teen hunger force. (number one in the hood, g.)
x\\ conditioner: i usually just get the suave imitation of paul mitchell's "the conditioner," but i use whatever we have.
x\\ book: this is another tough one. i like der steppenwolf by hesse. i like the lord of the rings. first through third john are good. depends on mood.
x\\ non alchohol drink: ginger beer.
x\\ alchohol drink: i do not drink alcohol. my favorite one for cooking is rice wine, but it's not really alcoholic anymore by the time it's done.
x\\ things to do on the weekend: sleep in. clean up. go on a date with my wife. work on projects. visit family and friends.

h a v e _ you _ e v e r . . .
x\\ broken the law: yes. i've even had a police officer point a gun at me.
x\\ snuck out of the house: yes. skateboarding at about 4:30am when it isn't quite light out and everything is empty is a very ethereal experience. once i found that out, i had to do it more.
x\\ ever gone skinny dipping: yes
x\\ made a prank phone call: i don't remember it if i did. which means probably not.
x\\ tipped over a port-a-potty: no, i have not.
x\\ use your parents credit card: yes, but they knew about it.
x\\ skipped school: not until i was in college.
x\\ fell asleep in the shower/bath: fell asleep in the bath when i was little and had chicken pox.
x\\ been in a school play: only the ones where the whole class participates. those aren't really plays.
x\\ had a boyfriend/girlfriend: no/yes
x\\ had children: no
x\\ been in love: i fell in love constantly growing up. usually kept it to myself. so i suppose i've only been in love mutually four times.
x\\ have a hard time getting over someone: yes
x\\ been hurt?: i have never been emotionally hurt by anything. also, in over ten years of skateboarding i never sustained even one injury. i have never cut my finger on a ban saw. i have never drilled a small whole in my leg. i have never burned myself on an archwelder. i have never been hurt fencing or practicing martial arts. i have never been hurt doing any myriad of other things not mentioned here. of all of the sentences in this paragraph (including this one), only one is true.

seriously, what kind of stupid question is that?
x\\ gone out with someone you only knew for 3 days: yes. it started, lasted, and ended badly.

r a n d o m . . .
x\\ have a job: yes
x\\ your cd player has what in it right now: operation ivy
x\\ if you were a crayon, what color would you be?: i would be a burnt sienna conte crayon.
x\\ what makes you happy?: friends. love. music. art. children. a challenge. many other things.
x\\ the next CD you're going to buy: i don't know. i'll have to see if i get anything for christmas and then see what grabs my attention when i make it down to magnolia thunderpussy.

w h e n _ was _ t h e _ last _ t i m e . . .
x\\ you got a real letter: if a postcard counts, it's been about two weeks.
x\\ got an email: today.
x\\ thing you purchased: christmas presents for my wife.
x\\ Tv program you watched: ghost in the shell: stand alone complex
x\\ movie you saw in the theaters: the incredibles
x\\ kissed: last night
x\\ hugged: the same.
x\\ song heard: this thing has some serious attention deficit. i answered this. but time has passed so the answer is now sound system by operation ivy.
x\\ place you were [besides home]: work
x\\ phonecall: last night
x\\ you were depressed: haven't been depressed in a couple weeks
x\\ you were in the hospital: i've only ever been to hospitals to visit other people. last time was about four years ago when i was visiting a friend who was in detox.

w h a t _ comes _ t o _ mind . . .
x\\ car: motorcycle
x\\ murder: rage
x\\ cape: horn
x\\ penis: detachable
x\\ cell: shader
x\\ shoe: carpet
x\\ fun: sunshine
x\\ crush: can
x\\ music: sonar4
x\\ chalk: line

n u m b e r . . . :
x\\ of time you've been in love: the answer has not changed.
x\\ of girls you have kissed: like that? seven, i think
x\\ of boys you have kissed: like that? none. as a show of friendship/family members? many.
x\\ of times your name has appeared in a newspaper: i don't know. at least four.
x\\ of scars on your body: a very large number
x\\ of things in your past you regret: a not quite as large number

d o _ you _ t h i n k _ you _ a r e . . . :
x\\ pretty: sort of.
x\\ funny: i think i'm very funny. sometimes others agree.
x\\ hot: only once in a while
x\\ friendly: yes
x\\ ugly: occasionally
x\\ loveable: yes
x\\ caring: yes
x\\ sweet: yes
x\\ dorky: i'd be a liar for saying no.

f a v o u r i t e . . . :
x\\ actor/actress: don't really have favorites
x\\ least favorite day: monday. that's a no-brainer.
x\\ flower: lillies
x\\ jello flavor: orange
x\\ summer/winter: autumn. ok, if i have to pick one of those, it's summer.

p e r s o n _ who _ l a s t . . . :
x\\ slept in your bed: i did. wife gets up before i do.
x\\ saw you cry: wife.
x\\ sent you an email: my older sister

h a v e _ you _ e v e r
x\\ said i love you and meant it: more times than days i've walked this earth.
x\\ went out in public in pjs: probably.
x\\ kept a secret from everyone: yes.
x\\ been to new york: yes.
x\\ to california: yes.

w h e n _ was :
x\\ last cigarrete: high school. i smoked one to convince a friend to quit. told her i'd smoke one for every one she did. i have not considered this a cigarette a breach of my straight edgeness because of the intent. if someone else does, i'm still not ever going to become a smoker.
x\\ last cry: two or three weeks ago.
x\\ last book read: digital texturing and painting by owen demurs
x\\ last curse word uttered: i don't notice them when i say them. "fuck" or "fucking shit" would both be good guesses
x\\ last beverage drank: water
x\\ last food consumed: pretzels
x\\ last phone call: wrong number
x\\ showered: yesterday. today was just a "german bath" using a sink and a wash cloth.
x\\ last shoes worn: doc martens. still wearing them.
x\\ last cd played: fuck man. how many times do they want to ask this in how many ways? currently operation ivy. last disc played all the way through was i don't know what i'm doing + bunus tracks by brad sucks.
x\\ last thing written: fuck man. how many times do they want to ask this in how many ways? currently operation ivy. last disc played all the way through was i don't know what i'm doing + bonus tracks by brad sucks.
x\\ last word spoken: "funny"
x\\ last sleep: last night through this morning
x\\ last im: last night with sam the butcher.
x\\ sexual fantasy: earier today. they're frequent.
x\\ last ice cream eaten: rocky road.
x\\ last time wanting to die: only a little bit. i think it was a week or two ago. it's never serious anymore.