"The door refused to open. It said, 'Five cents, please.'"

You know you're living in the future when you can't direct your robotic vacuum cleaner to programmed areas due to a "cloud outage". After staring at the blank app for a couple of minutes I realize I'm lucky my brush and dustpan work fine without a needing to contact a service gateway.

I would like a cursor relocation device that turns my left nipple into a trackpoint interface.

Of course, this is not the same as Calcic Image Misplacement, another neat feature of calcium:

(skip to 2:45)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oRL9IVvuNl8

http://www.theonion.com/articles/aw-what-the-hell-heres-the-microwalkman-weve-been,17178/

I found out, many years ago, that opting out doesn't work. Of course not! How stupid could you be?
The _only_ thing that works (yes! actually works!) is if you forcefully whip out your credit card immediately upon receiving a spam and order one (1) of the items they are selling.
This seems to appease them, and they respectfully stop sending more E-mails.

Also, after sampling several hundreds of products, you might notice that your penis has become the second largest gravitational attractor in the solar system.

Good luck, and keep those planets orbiting!