I was going to say a KIM-II (6502, hex keypad input, 8-digit 7-segment display output) was my first computer, but your post reminded me that my parents got me a Geniac (or possibly its clone, a Braniac) for Christmas one year when I was in high school. I don't remember what I programmed it for.

xylophones not accordians, sorry.

"words not worlds, sorry."

I'll never understand the people that confuse "words" and "worlds", they are completely different accordians and aren't even pronounced the same. I've seen it in a slashdot summary a couple of days back too, that's pretty horrible.

Why do Christians balk when someone points out that Hitler was a Christian?

Hitler was not a Christian, although he may have let his subjects believe he was in order to gain/maintain power.
He was, however, a vegetarian (to get back on-topic (sort of)).

(Disclaimer: I am not a Christian, but I am a vegetarian (vegan, in fact), just like Hitler.
However, I have no interest in genocide or invading Poland.)

Another way of looking at it is as an analogy to potential and kinetic energy.
A black hole contains "potential" information that changes to "kinetic", or normal, information (in the form of Hawking radiation) as the black hole dissolves.

like counting how many angels dance on the head of a pin

The answer to that is easy: "One, for any sufficiently large angel (and sufficiently small pinhead)".
For smaller angels (or larger pinheads), the answer may depend on other factors (type of dance, whether the angels are wearing deodorant, etc.).

Just turn off all scripting.
Problem solved.

It appears that over 90% of browser attacks are caused by exploiting vulnerabilities (bugs) in scripting code.
Turn off scripting, and you're not vulnerable to those attacks.
Of course, with scripting turned off, there are some things you can't do (like meta-moderate slashdot, thank you very much), but, for the most part, you don't need scripting at all.

What if you used Linux with a BSD kernel? Is it still Linux?

No, it's BSD.
You can't "use Linux with a BSD kernel", because it's not Linux if it's not Linux.
Now, if you ask "If I replace Debian's Linux kernel with with s BSD kernel, is it still Debian?", the answer is, "Yes.".

Pascal:
itemCounts[ProductIdFromName(name)] := itemCounts[ProductIdFromName(name)] + 1;

Or

Inc(itemCounts[ProductIdFromName(name)])

(possibly followed by ";", depending on context).

*a++ += *b++;

Not when a and b are arrays.
Also, the lack of semicolons in his/her example indicate that his/her example language might not be C/C++/D/Objective C, etc., but some other language (I know not which).

To hear the sounds generated by this re-created instrument, reinforced me in my belief that extinct instruments are extinct with very good reasons.

Then explain why bagpipes are still around.

Except it wouldn't be a direct path, rather a curve, and we would have to aim for where it really is, instead of where it was 20 years ago.

Actually, you have to aim to where it will be when it gets there, not where it is now.

Actually actually, you have to take gravity, stellar wind, etc., into account, so you have to aim in some direction so that it will be where it will be when it gets there.

And then you have to make course corrections to avoid comets, asteroids, V'ger, Klingon battle cruisers, and so forth.
Rocket science is hard.

It's not like TVs kill puppies

You've obviously never dropped a TV on a puppy.
Not a big one, anyway.

sight, hearing, touch, feel, taste, comparison shop? This isn't a sixth sense, no matter how you spin it.

Actually, humans have quite a few senses other than the five commonly described; it's just that most of them are internal (sense of hunger, etc.).
One that is external, and sometimes called the "sixth sense", is the sense of balance.

I play games for fun, not to be screwed over by other players, and people wonder why EVE doesn't interest me enough

Wow, people wonder that?
That's amazing.
I can just picture them gathered around the water cooler, chatting.
One of them says, "You know, I wonder why EVE doesn't interest Larry enough.".
Another one replies, "Yes, I was discussing this with my inflatable girlfriend last night, and both of us were wondering why EVE doesn't interest Larry enough.".
And then a third person says, "Maybe it's because he plays games for fun, not to be screwed over by other players."

Yes, I can imagine people wondering why EVE doesn't interest you enough.
People who have even less of a life than people who take EVE seriously enough to submit lame articles about it to Slashdot.
Or Slashdot editors who post them.
Or people who anonymously comment about them.
Or respond to anonymous comments about them.