Journal nizo's Journal: Useful tips for functioning in society 10
I went to Walmart today and had a surreal experience. Like a scene straight out of The Truman Show, every single person around me did his or her damn best to block my cart while I tried to, well, just get my shopping done. However unlike the aforementioned movie I don't think it was intentional, so here are some tips for all those people to keep in mind:
- There are other people on this planet, and they are all trying to get somewhere before they die of old age. You know, those things that look kinda like you but wear weird hats and smell funny? Yeah those things, they are other people, and they probably are going somewhere, and very possibly don't want to stare at you the whole way. In fact, they might even be going somewhere else entirely.
- Doorways are for walking through. Seriously, if you stand in the doorway talking on your cellphone or staring up into space, people are going to start piling up around you, and eventually one will beat you senseless.
- Aisles are for walking down. Yes you have to stop to pile stuff into your cart, or talk on your cellphone, or stare aimlessly at the ceiling. But seriously all those other people around you? As much as they all may want to wait while you block the entire aisle while you pile twinkies into your cart or talk on your cellphone, chances are they may actually be going somewhere else too (see above).
- Kids (aka little smelly people who will take care of you when you get older). They are even more oblivious than you are, so make sure they are aware that shopping carts can KILL, and they should run away screaming when they see one coming. In fact if you train them right, they can learn to say, "Hey mom and dad, someone is trying to get through here" to remind you not to block the aisles.
Rules of engagement (Score:2)
I have learned that going to Wal-Mart is a place for open combat. I have developed my own rules for dealing with rude people there:
1. When walking down an aisle and someone is coming the opposite direction and they see you but pretend they don't so you'll have to move - simply stop and wait. They will either move around you or embarass themselves when they bump into you. You do not need to do anything useful, other than cease to move. I tend to look straight ahead.
2. If someone decides to back away from
Re: (Score:2)
ROFL (Score:2)
Kids, aka "Howler monkeys" (Score:2)
You really need to read Behind the Counter [blogspot.com]. It's a brilliant look at Walm*rt written by an anonymous author who work
Re: (Score:2)
Hey, why aren't you on Multiply?
preferred option: avoid WalMart (Score:2)
Go to http://opensecrets.org/indivs/ [opensecrets.org] and search for zip=72712, employer=Wal (or name=Wal), years=all, order=amount.
A suburban experiment (Score:2)
I thought I'd point out that this one isn't limited to W*lmart. Here's an experiment you can do in the comfort of your own city. Pick any department store with escalators (Macy's, Hudson Belk, Lord and Taylor, etc.) If you can find one where the escalator empties out into a visually ric
bingo (Score:1)
The only reason I hate going to Mal*wart is that the customers are almost as wide as the aisles.
Re: (Score:1)
I just walked on by thinking those must be some huge wings lady because there is no way two wings are going to fill up your pinky finger.
Wally's World (Score:2)