i'm in a position where if I just had a burger flipping job, I could go back to school.

Then you can go back to school, if it's what you want. Fill out a FAFSA. If last year's 1040 makes you look like Richie Rich, contact your Financial Aid office and explain that you are currently unemployed. Get Stafford loans. Look for work-study opportunities or part-time jobs on campus.

The number of financial breaks and opportunities given to people who want to go to college is simply immense.