Journal milquetoast811's Journal: the downward spiral 2

"anyone who falls in love is searching for the missing pieces of themselves. so anyone who's in love gets sad when they think of their lover. it's like stepping back inside a room you have fond memories of, one you haven't seen in a long time. it's just a natural feeling. you're not the person who discovered that feeling, so don't go trying to patent it, okay?"

-murakami, kafka on the shore

i feel like puking. a ghost of the past resurfaced, and me, glutton for punishment, could only gawk. now i can't erase the image from the screening room of my mind. is moving on the most difficult thing to fool yourself into doing? or does it only happen when you have found someone else to pour your affection on? is self-sufficiency merely an euphemism for loneliness? my cousin claims that all he needs to be happy is a tiny room, a bed, and his computer. sometimes i wish i didn't want to seek and find kindred spirits to flit about with. the search is not enough. it's like a gold miner who sifts through all that mud day in and day out for a speck of yellow. what is more insane: responding to the voices inside your head like it's someone else or having a conversation with yourself through your dog?

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