It is well known that if someone gets your hashed password, it is as good as cracked.

Say what now? My passwords are 32 characters long, contain upper case lower case numbers and symbols, and are easy to remember. That creates a search space of 1.86 x 10^65 possible passwords. Have fun with your measly 3.3x10^9 passwords per second. The article considers a 7 character password to be secure. It isn't. Every additional character increases the search space by a factor of 95. Length matters.

"All I want to know is who the man is that looked at a cow and said 'I think I drink from whatever comes out of those things when I squeeze them.'"

Kinda like the native amercans who first smoked weed. How many weeds did they have to smoke before they got the right one?