This scam is brilliant. Many people are saying it's the most brilliant scam they've ever seen.

See, we get the marks to buy a cheap phone at a huge profit because it's made of gold-colored plastic and has our branding.

When they're buying the phones, we get all their personal info. The marks are glad to give it to us.

Now, here's the kicker. We turn around and "accidentally" make the data available on the internet long enough for my friend's cousin Yakov to download it.

From there, it's all free money when we sell the data on the black market and open accounts in their names.

We're insulated from any problems because we can point fingers at the shell companies we've created.

Never give a sucker an even break.

Oh, ye of little faith. Just you watch...the company will have a dozen customers in two weeks.

Yeah. It's huge. Don't know the exact model/details, but it's definitely an old-school flat screen.

I don't watch much TV, but when I do I watch it on the 25-year-old flatscreen that we inherited from the in-laws or my 20" Sony Trinitron CRT. No way I'm buying a spamware-packed television that'll be a security risk with a lifespan dictated by the corporation's decisions about what is best for their bottom line.

Overpriced phone based on a wildly unpopular form factor isn't successful and is cancelled. Who'd a thunk it?

I'm in my 50's, clean driving record. Had to go to the BMV a few weeks ago to renew my license. They made me take an eye test. Explain to me again how we don't need eye tests for a license.

I assure you, it wasn't my choice. My boss has been drinking the Microsoft kool-aid and we all have to suffer as a result.

...because you fired all of the elves after we told you that AI could do the work more efficiently.

(I was in a Microsoft presentation earlier today in which they were demonstrating how to use AI for "vibe programming". They spent an hour trying to get a Rails-based "Hello World" app running. At the end of the hour, it still wasn't working. Even in their pre-arranged demonstrations to customers, they can't get this crap working.)

If they're anything like my aunt, they weren't given the choice to become nuns, but rather were informed in their very early teens that they were now nuns regardless of whether they wanted to be in the religious life, or not. My grandparents subscribed to the idea that the firstborn son would be a priest and the firstborn daughter would be a nun...all part of what "they owed" to the church. My father (the oldest son) saw what happened to his older sister -- she was ripped from the family and they weren't allowed to see her for the next 2-3 months, and after that they were permitted to see her but only under the strictest supervision -- and he decided that he wasn't going to be sold into religious slavery.

I went to my MD several months ago to see whether my vaccination against measles was still good. I got my shots back in the late 60's/early 70's. They did a blood test and confirmed that my immunity had lapsed, and I needed another shot.

If it's been a while since your vaccination, then do not assume that your immunity is still good. Get tested, and get a follow-up shot if needed.

My uncle's red Barchetta won't have acceleration limits.

“Fascism should more appropriately be called Corporatism because it is a merger of state and corporate power.”
-- Benito Mussolini

More along the lines of Eddie the Computer from the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

I buy CDs.

"Buy" access to a song on a streaming service that will go out of business and permanently revoke my access? No thanks.

Or, buy and download a song in an electronic format, which will then be lost if I have a disk crash? Again, no thanks.

Physical media is worth the cost, IMHO. I can rip it to .ogg files and listen to them, keeping the CD as a backup.

Nonsense. With the larger company, they'll be better positioned to provide more competitive offerings to their executives. Sure, prices will go up and quality of service will go into the crapper, but the important thing is that they'll be able to pay the staff in the executive suites more. Lear jets don't buy themselves, you know.