'"It could be a test-firing of an intercontinental ballistic missile from a submarine to demonstrate, mainly to Asia, that we can do that," speculated Ellsworth. '

What likely happened:

Obama: So, Mr. Ambassador, if you'll be so kind as to turn on CNN. Oh hey, look at that, we launched an ICBM. Rest assured, your enemies are our enemies."

#1.

  This wasn't a Chinese sub sitting off the coast of SF. Our military would've dropped a collective deuce. This is missile-waving to get someone's attention.

No, no. You're thinking of C#!

"This is OnStar. You appear to be traveling at a high rate of speed after stopping at a bank. Do you require police assistance?"