Journal bethanie's Journal: April Fools Nostalgia 17

Well, I haven't ever been on /. for an 1 April before, but I understand that there's a lot of tomfoolery that goes on. (Apparently it's even enough to drive George away for a whole day!!) Whatever. In one sense, it's no worse than playing wholeheartedly along with 19 September. In another, it's just one more excuse to indulge one's deepest, most puerile urges to pull pranks. If you care to avoid that sort of thing on the Front Page for today, then I offer you this JE as an alternative.

I've never been one for practical jokes. I tend to be *really* sensitive when they're played on me, so I make it a rule never to do it to other people. Well, except maybe my mom, and that's just because she's so damn gullible. Hmmm... which gives me a *great* idea for one to play on her tomorrow/later today!! Heh heh heh.

Anyway, the best I've ever done on April Fool's was to participate in Smith's annual April First spoof issue of our school paper. I was one of the editors, and I wrote the following column, which still stands today as a fairly accurate parody of our weekly (pathetic) attempt to be pithy and insightful, not to mention, *strictly* politically correct:

No Smithie is an Island

On the eve of publishing this issue of The Sophine, a very serious issue was brought to my attention at the Store 24. I snatched a malty ball from the serve-yourself candy bin without thinking twice about the implications of what I was doing. Naturally, I popped it into my mouth and started munching away. Thanks to the clerk, who, when I approached the counter with my purchases, reminded me of the unsanitariness of my action.

"Say you come along and you stick your hand in there, then some other guy comes along and sticks his hand in there," she posed hypothetically. "This guy comes along and he has no idea where your hands have been... Think about it."

Her example was so clear, so illuminating, that I saw her point immediately. So often we fail to consider the consequences of our actions and the repercussions they may have on those around us.

My lack of thought about the malty ball I was putting into my mouth could have seriously affected me in some way, just as some other thoughtless individual who stuck his or her hand in the malty balls after me would be affected somehow, possibly.

There could have been dirt or something on that malty ball I ate, dirt that come from someone else's hand. Perhaps I left some dirt on another malty ball, and it's just sitting there, waiting for some unsuspecting victim to pick it up and pop it into his or her mouth.

I see now the parallel between the Store 24 clerk and John Donne when he said, "No [person] is an island..." (etc.) She was illustrating for me my inextricable involvement with the rest of mankind, the entanglement of my fate with that of the rest of the earth's population. I pass on her message to you -- we are all customers in a big Store 24, popping possibly dirty malty balls into our mouths without thinking about it.

My point is, beware the next time you want to sneak a malty ball from the Store 24 bin -- I stuck my hand in there once, and you have no idea where it's been. As the clerk put it so profoundly: Think about it.

Believe it or not, until I discovered /. and started journalling here, that stood for over 10 years as *the* funniest thing I had ever written. *sigh* So you see, I'm just really not that funny. Dirty-minded, yes, but "funny," well, I don't really think so.

In any case, I didn't intend to talk about my sense of humor (or dearth thereof). What I wanted to know was: What is the best April Fool's joke you've even been party to, either as perpetrator or victim or witness? 'Cause ya know, it's really not so much about the moment of the joke itself (except for some rare occasions) as it is about the great stories you get to tell afterwards! :-)