Journal bethanie's Journal: I Hurt Myself Today 10

A couple of years ago for Christmas I burned my Dad a CD of songs that I knew he liked and that always make me think of him. Well, he *really* enjoyed it -- listened to it all the time, he said, and even called me up a couple times to tell me about it.

I made him another one this past Christmas, from a few requests that he had made, and several that I picked out myself. Again -- it was a hit.

One of our last conversations before he died was about several other songs he wanted me to burn for him, including "that new one by Johnny Cash."

I never got a chance to burn him another CD with the list he had given me, but in a fit of sentimentality the week after he died, I went and dug all the songs up on iTMS and downloaded them anyway. Listening to that Johnny cash song, I was struck by the familiarity of the lyrics, and something about the melody reminded me of something else I'd heard...

Then I realized it was Nine Inch Nails song. :-)

It would have been fun to burn the original onto the CD right next to the cover -- get to blow apart some of my dad's assumptions about all that crazy noisy crap that we wacky kids listen to nowadays. :-) But I know that he knows now, so it's not too much of a regret.

In any case, that song has been running through my head today, along with lots of thoughts of my dad. I didn't actually hurt myself *today* -- it was Tuesday that the damage was done -- I just didn't feel it until today.

The weather was so warm and lovely Tuesday afternoon that I resolved to buy a new table and chairs for my front porch, with the intention of setting it up so I could use my computer out there while I keep an eye on the kids as they play. So I did exactly that.

Well, getting it all home was something of an adventure -- but just because I can't manage to close all the doors of my vehicle securely AIN'T gonna stop me from getting my way.

And then getting it OUT of the car was another feat. See, that's a granite (and concrete) top on that table. I don't know how much it weighs, but it took two guys to put it in my car. Well, I got it out of the car, up my front steps, onto the porch, AND assembled ALL by myself. Never underestimate the strength and ingenuity of a woman determined to have patio furniture.

In any case, it all came together beautifully and I thoroughly enjoyed my afternoon on the front porch. Did the same yesterday, as well.

And it was as I was bringing in my box of Kleenex that it hit me -- Dad *loved* being outside. Whether at his home or mine, he regular station was out on the back deck at the table, with an ash tray, jug of ice water, a box of kleenex, the newspaper, and a trash can. Usually his laptop would work its way out there eventually through the course of the day.

And I honestly believe that Dad bequeathed his taste for corn to me. We had it for the first time since he died the other night -- and it's NEVER tasted that way (so good!) to me before. Corn was one of my dad's favorite foods. He had this little diatribe that he'd go on, and we'd mock him endlessly about it (because he could NEVER resist getting in one last word):

I love corn. I could eat corn with every meal for five years and not get tired of it. I could.

And that's when he'd chuckle and add in a, "It's true!" or "I do!" And then we'd all laugh hilariously. :-)

So life is carrying on... It has just struck me very recently how much of Dad that I'm carrying with me.