Love and obedience are components of a relationship. I love and obey my wife. She loves and obeys me. That is not to say that we give capricious, mean-spirited orders and expect each other to obey. That wouldn't be loving. Rather, as a partnership, we each make decisions with the best for both of us in mind and enacting one another's will is an expression of trust, respect, and faithfulness.
Regarding the notion of damnation, it is not an extrinsic, arbitrary punishment. It is an intrinsic punishment. If you choose separation from God, then you shouldn't be disappointed when he honours your choice. You might then say, why couldn't he elect to send you to a paradise-like place where he is not present? To the best of my understanding, that is oxymoronic. The suffering of damnation is not that hell is physically uncomfortable (although it might or might not be). It is the knowledge of eternal separation from God. A paradise-like place without God would nonetheless be hellish.