I've felt some of what you talk about (although I'm not sure who is lashing out against you), but never for as long as you seem to be enduring. I will pray for you (honesty = when I "manage" to do it for myself too).

Referring back, I am also moved by the poetry & poingnancy of many of Rich Mullin's songs; they often honestly speak of the groaning we go through here, but also the confident hope and joy we can and will have in our Deliverer. Don't forget about that part. Sometimes.... well, sometimes though, all we can do ask hold me - which He promised to do, even if we're hurting too badly to feel it at the time. (how many R.M. references can you find in this paragraph?!)

As Spun said, don't give up or "they" win. Someone said, we don't know the full power of God to fight temptation like Jesus experienced, because we give up before the peak of the storm. Er... kind of an oblique reference there, hope you get my point - do what's right and don't give up!

This reminded me of a book I read recently (finally). Philip Yancy's "Where is God When It Hurts" http://www.amazon.com/Where-When-Hurts-Philip-Yanc ey/dp/0310214378 If you've never read any of his books, I recommend you do so. (Only read a couple so far but they were facinating and helpful.)

He writes honestly about faith and doubts and hurt and pain... and hope - that of others and his own. In this book, he starts with a friend laying in cancer-induced agony of body AND soul. Talks about his own pain and confusion too, trying to understand and come to deal with pain as he investigates the source, characteristics, results and yes, even the purpose of pain. But also admitting that truly little, or even negative, "comfort" is usually offered to those in pain.

In the end, he offers sympathy and some small insights of why God could possibly allow "the gift of pain" (words of the leprosy doctor, Paul Brant) and encourages us to not give up.

And by the way, "irregardless" is not a word. At least not a good word :-P http://m-w.com/dictionary/Irregardless