
Journal TechnoLust's Journal: Epiphany or Explanation or something... 74
Yes, I believe the tenents of Christianity. An omnipresent, omnipotent, omniscient Creator who sacrified His Son for our sins. That still feels right.
As for the praying and all that... I'm not sure. If prayers really did change things, Boo and I would be planning our wedding right now, and preparing for her to move out of her parents house and in with me. If fasting and praying and crying on your knees for hours and hours got you what your heart desired above all else, I'd still be with her. When it started falling apart, I spent more hours praying than sleeping and eating. I held on for months. The de facto Christian answer is that "God answered your prayers, He just said no." So if that's true what's the use of praying? Again the standard Christian answer for this (I have all these memorized) is, "Prayer is supposed to change YOU, not God." Well, guess what? It didn't. I still wanted her as much the day I stopped praying for her to come back to me as I did the day I asked her to marry me. I don't feel the same way now, but that's not because of prayer. "Well, you must not have been doing it right!" Hmm... only been praying for about 2 decades now, you'd think I'd have it down.
I've tried to be selfless my whole life. I gave everything to God, to Boo, to the church. There was nothing left for me. I thought that was a good thing, but I'm not so sure now.
I'm changing... I change every day. I have since I was born. Every new experience molds me into a new person. Everytime someone loves me or hates me or is nice to me or mean, I process it and react. Every compliment, every insult, affects me. Saturday night was one of the best nights I've had since Holly. She was the best time I've had since Boo. I left some details out about Saturday night, because you don't need to know them. I wrote enough so that I will remember what happened. When I come back and read this in a few months or next year, I will remember that night and what it meant to me. Whether I'll be reading it alone, waiting for the next girl to come along, or whether I'll be with Jenn or even someone else, I don't know. It really doesn't matter. I know now that I will make the best of what I have. MAybe I am acting like a frat boy right now... that's ok, I AM a frat boy. Maybe I'll find a nice party girl and we'll party for the rest of our lives. Maybe I'll find a nice quiet girl and she'll "tame" me and I'll have stories to remember. Maybe I won't find anyone and I'll have a blast anyway. Who knows?
Here's what I know... all my life I was told that if I just followed God and did what was right, He would give me happiness. I tried... I wasn't perfect, but I did the best I could and far better than most. I wasn't happy. Oh, I had happy moments, but I wasn't happy. I pretended to be, because if you are a Christian and you are unhappy, then there must be something wrong with your faith or you aren't praying enough, or you need to be in another Bible study even though you are in one 4 nights a week already. Now, I'm still not perfectly happy, but I have happy moments still. I seem to have a lot more of them now. If work was going as well as it was before, I'd probably be happier now than I was then. One thing that turned me off about my church was someone saying, "It's not about your happiness..." Well, excuse me, but for me... it is. I want to be happy, and no one is going to hand that to me. Like anything else worth having, you have to work for it. That's what I'm doign now. Many of you think that because you wouldn't be happy going out drinking every weekend and kissing a bunch of different girls, that I must not be happy. Well, yeah, I am. Sorry. I'm having the time of my life. I'm only going to be in my 20s for 4 more years. I'll be damned if I'm going to let those 4 years go to waste. I'm going to go out and have fun while I'm still young enough to make it to work the following Monday. If that doesn't work for you, please don't do it, but don't try to tell me that I should be staying home reading my Bible, because right now, this is working for me.
No need to get defensive (Score:2)
Religion shouldn't swallow you whole. I wasn't judging you, just telling you how I've seen you change is all.
I don't want anyone to be unhappy. Just wanted to pick your brain (and, boy, was I successful)
Re:No need to get defensive (Score:2)
Re:No need to get defensive (Score:2)
Crack addicts can be happy, too.
Re:No need to get defensive (Score:1)
There's happy and there's content. They're 2 different things.
Happy is the hormonal/endorphin-driven thing; contentment requires being fulfilled.
TL, you're an angst-y 20something. That's about right. At least you're thinking about some of the big things while you're in this state.
Here I thought... (Score:2)
Not that I want to hit on religion too hard, it's certainly right for some.
My take is do what one needs to do to not have any regrets when they look back on their deathbed. Just don't hurt anybody on the way there. And if I'm wrong and we're not just so much compost at that point, hopefully the big guy in the sky realizes I've fully lived this in this wonderful world and in a good way a
Re:Here I thought... (Score:2)
TL, this is it right on the head.
This world doesn't really matter -- it's a relatively short path on the road to Heaven. Now, God likes us and is willing to change all sorts of things to help us out -- but He's not going to change someone's heart.
Free will is more important than answering prayers, and if you ever thought it wasn't then you missed the whole friggin point of our faith.
Short term v. long term (Score:2)
That said, I haven't seen a good formula for short term happiness, though there are plenty out there that will sell you an illusion of it. There are plenty of chemicals that will do that for you if you want. Somehow I don't think that long-term happiness (or salvation for that matter) is based on altering your mood by injesting things.
Maybe achieving a sense of peace and knowing God's love for you is mor
Re:Here I thought... (Score:2)
[Rant]
I [Agent Smith]hhhhhhate it[/Agent Smith] when people say this world doesn't matter. You're basing this on faith, not on fact; therefore, there's a huge chance you'll waste your life away with such thinking. I almost did. It leads to all sorts of ill effects and bad decisions ala "It's in God's hands." when it is, to all empirical data, NOT in anyone's hands but our own. It leads to people choosing the wrong person to marry, not because they love them or value the
Re:Here I thought... (Score:2)
Re:Here I thought... (Score:2)
Re:Here I thought... (Score:2)
jason
Re:Here I thought... (Score:2)
Counter-rant.
If you think that anything you do in this world will matter, you're deluding yourself. All of the empirical evidence we have suggests highly that, unless you acheive national fame in your lifetime, you will be forgotten within a hundred years.
Furthermore, if you think that marriage is a quest
Re:Here I thought... (Score:2)
Counter-counter-rant.
Ok, so it's better to do nothing because it doesn't matter? Having children remember you doesn't matter? Having a long line of descendents who you have a hand in shaping for generations to come doesn't matter? That's a VERY sad outlook. I often think about my great-great grandparents and the stories I know about them coming to this country. I've told Carolyn those stories, so now ANOTHER person
Re:Here I thought... (Score:2)
Re:Here I thought... (Score:2)
Like AIDS. Or other STDs. Or becoming an addict. Or guilt. Lots of guilt.
Oh, oh! And mental illness!
There are worse things than being on the straight and narrow. Think of it this way--you didn't miss a chance to party. You earned the right to truthfully tell your kids that you didn't ruin your life by partying.
Or not.
Oh, and I owe you a rant response:
[calm dialogue=ON]
We are coming at the same final stance from
prayer (Score:2)
I grew up in a Christian home. At 16 I felt called to ministry as a Pastor. My life from then until I was 25 was aimed at that goal. In the middle of it all I got married to a girl I knew from church. (there are lot's of details but this will be too long as it
Re:prayer (Score:2)
I am not trying to be contentious, but I'm curious what you see the worth of prayer being, since you say that you may or may not get it regardless?
I see your comparison to asking politely, but honestly I don't buy that as the whole value. Actually I don't see it as any value, but I understand how that can b
Re:prayer (Score:2)
I appreciate you pointing that out.
Re:prayer (Score:2)
I can see praying for guidance, all that other stuff, but I just don't understand why you would pray for things, even as a believer.
Re:prayer (Score:2)
Re:prayer (Score:2)
I guess I was being a bit flippant. However, it's worth pointing out 1) I did not ask Him for it and 2) for most of the last 10 years, it's been the best thing to happen to me, period, in very many ways. My 2 year old now tops that list, and my job is actually waning somewhat for other reasons ;-)
sorry to go on but it's hard to compress these things
I wouldn't have asked if I wasn't curious about how you thought about these things
Re:prayer (Score:1)
Re:prayer (Score:2)
I don't think we have to ask for anything to get it-- but that there may be even better things available if we do ask. Now I firmly believe that the best thing that God has to offer mankind is our purpose and the fulfillment and peace we have in living out that
Re:prayer (Score:2)
Re:prayer (Score:2)
Re:prayer (Score:2)
jason
Re:prayer (Score:2)
As an agnostic, my view of prayer deviates from the norm, probably even for agnostics. In the event someone prays, regardless of whether there's someone listening with supernatural powers to grant the request (although, not all prayers are requests, nor should they be in accordance with my understanding of the t
Advocate for Faith - of some kind. (Score:2)
It must be said - and you have it memorized already - you're just no longer regurgitating them in the right order: Everything you said above is correct because 'God helps those who help themselves'.
Praying and crying - and I don't know you very well, so I wouldn't know the circumstances - but what were you praying for, exactly?
If, to get what you wanted, another human being would have to be modified, then; were these prayers ignored, or merely invalid. Asking God for the strength to bring you thr
Re:Advocate for Faith - of some kind. (Score:2)
When I was even more immature than I am now, I prayed for a long time what basicly boiled down to "Make X love me".
When I finally realised the invalidity of such a prayer, I changed it to "make me the kind of person that X would love". He did, and as a result I also became the kind of person that Y would love, so I got over X, fell in love with Y and am now happily married.
Re:Advocate for Faith - of some kind. (Score:2)
The Lord helps those who help themselves (Score:2)
1)reducing yourself to nothing
2) making this goal one of the top priorities in your life
3) devising any scheme possible to make this happen (this is why step 1 is important; get your preconceived bullshit out of the way; get rid of your own road blocks).
4) DO IT.
Speaking of which, I need to get 8 hours of work done in the next 3.
Toodles!
Just a thought (Score:2)
You said that you believe in "An omnipresent, omnipotent, omniscient Creator." Possessing of the 3 aforementioned qualities then the Creator would know what was best. No matter how much you prayed that God give you something that you think you want, He would still know that it wasn't what was best for you.
God is like a parent. You could beg your parents all you wanted to give you nothing but icecream to eat when you were l
Re:Just a thought (Score:2)
Re:Just a thought (Score:2)
Re:Just a thought (Score:2)
I am ultra careful about electronics. Why? Cause when I was like 6, I put a key into a wall socket. Ouch.
Joey doesn't go near the stove. Why? Because he touched a hot pan when he wouldn't heed my warning.
Granted, I never let him get into a situation where he would seriously hurt himself, but just hearing "Joey, its hot and your gonna get burned!" simply didn't register to him until he actually touched it and figu
Re:Just a thought (Score:2)
Okay...this has nothin
Re:Just a thought (Score:2)
And I, personally, think Dogma is one of the funniest movies I've ever seen (having that Catholic background makes it EXTRA funny).
Re:Just a thought (Score:2)
Re:Just a thought (Score:2)
Another reason why God some times allows us to go crazy and make bad choices is for the future. Someone that is a great pastor and saint cannot feel the pain of a drug / sex a
Another angle on prayer (Score:2)
Re:Another angle on prayer (Score:1)
Re:Another angle on prayer (Score:2)
The point Jesus was making was that repeating a request in a prayer doesn't make it "work" any more than by saying it once. It is not a commandment to not repeat a prayer, but simply to not expect it to be answered any better than otherwise.
However, simple repetition is a proven method of self-hypnosis, meditating and relaxing, and is also used in many kinds of therapy such as autogenic training. Praying in this manner can thus bring enlightenment, but in a different way.
Cheers,
Ethel
Interesting, to say the least (Score:2)
first off (Score:1)
to me christianity is about growth, learning, and trying to do what is right. not in the sense of having a list of things you shouldn't do, but in the sense that people should try to be understanding of each other and be kind when possible. it's about overcoming fear and anger with love. n
Re:first off (Score:2)
Re:first off (Score:1)
But, some days I still don't know. Some, I think I enjoyed it while I had it, and have good memories from it. Others I feel like I wasted that time of my life. I don't think right now I am any worse for the experience
Re:first off (Score:2)
If you only had good experiences or bad experiences, you'd not be as knowledgable as you are today, right?
Re:first off (Score:1)
Re:first off (Score:2)
Re:first off (Score:1)
to quote neubauten, "destruction is not negative. you must destroy in order to build."
Re:first off (Score:1)
We have free will to make and choose our own way - prayer is a way to quiet the mind so as to hear the silence and in that silence we are able to hear something besides our own mind and look beyond our own wants.
The answers are not always to our liking and it is for us to grow and learn along
my take (Score:2)
okay... so praying. praying isn't like ordering DVD's from amazon. The Maker isn't a shipping clerk or a grocer. Praying isn't so much about asking for things. its about seeking enlightment and a small measure of comfort through the guidance of your godhead.
So... because you didn't get what you think you wanted in the time you think you wanted it doesn't mean prayer didn't work, or that the Ma
Re:my take (Score:2)
Man, that John the Baptist WAS a prophet!
Re:my take (Score:2)
Prayer. (Score:2)
You know what? I think it did change you. Very slowly. The main changes may not have been apparent until after you stepped away from your religion, but I think the constant praying for something that never eventuated set in motion s
I think you're growing up. (Score:2)
From my per
Re:I think you're growing up. (Score:2)
Re:I think you're growing up. (Score:2)
Re:I think you're growing up. (Score:2)
Chiming in... (Score:2)
The biggest question I pose to you is- what is your purpose in life? From a Christian perspective, the purpose in life is not to be happy (as many might believe), but following God generally leads to that. Jesus said that He came that we might live "abundant" lives through Him. Abundant doesn't necessarily mean happy, it means com
Re:Chiming in... (Score:2)
I felt I need to make a clarification - the prayer did not get you saved, Jesus Christ did- the prayer is just how you confess to Christ that you need Him to pay for your sins. (See for reference Romans 10:9)
Re:Chiming in... (Score:2)
Sol keeps telling me I shouldn't need to be with a girl to be happy. Maybe I shouldn't, but I do. I always have. Hell, I had a "girlfriend" in 1st grade. My first kiss was at 6 years old. I've always liked having a girlfriend, but I've also always been very picky about who I would date. (Kissing and getting in the hot tub is another story.)
Re:Chiming in... (Score:1)
Sol is more or less right; your happiness should not depend on having someone else in your life. You should learn to be happy with yourself (which you're starting to do) and then when the right person comes along, she should be mature enough to be her own person who happens to want to share her life with you -- not so she can be saved from her situation, but because she wants to be part of your life.
But that's obviously just my 2 cents. Your opinions may vary.
Re:Chiming in... (Score:2)
Technolust, when is the last time you have wanted to be with somebody who was not a damsel in distress? Is it really female companionship that you are looking for, or is it a desire to feel needed?
Boo needed to be saved from her parents...
Meghaan needed to be saved from her husband that was being difficult about granting a divorce...
Holly(?) needed to be saved from her controlling fiance...
Just a thought. (It's PsychoAnalyze Your TechnoLust Day!)
Re:Chiming in... (Score:2)
Sounds like you are so obsessed with finding another girl that you are shutting off other parts of your life.
Re:Chiming in... (Score:2)
Re:Chiming in... (Score:2)
I certainly can't argue with your personal experience.. But, I can argue the Bible
[5] I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing.
[6] If a man abide not in me, he is cast forth as a branch, and is withered; and men gather them, and cast them into the fire, and they are bur
Re:Chiming in... (Score:2)
Bible studies, youth groups, music groups, all sorts of churchy stuff and it does no-one any good - BUSY = Being Under Satan's Yoke.
Paul was the most religious dude before his conversion. A jew of jews, a great religious scholar, zealous for God, and he wrote that compared to just having a relationship with Jesus, those things were just dung. (Yes, in the KJV the word in Phillipians is translated as "dung", in a modern translation he might have written "I consider those
Faith and Desire (Score:2)
THY will be done (Score:2)
The whole "Blab and grab" theology that so permanates Christianity in America is a con game designed to maximize the collection plat
Not sure I have a lot to add here... (Score:2)
A few people here have mentioned that Christianity doesn't promise you happiness. Those people are absolutely right - about that. I've now read the entire Bible a few times in a few different versions, and although I can mention a few places where obedience is linked to a promise here or there, a guarantee of happiness isn't part of the text.
You mentioned that Sol has said that you should be happy without a girl, and you admitted that she might be right. She is right.
My $0.02 (Score:2)
That's the most important bit. If you can hold onto that the rest will fall into place - or not - it doesn't really matter.
If fasting and praying and crying on your knees for hours and hours got you what your heart desired above all else
I don't think it works like that. God's not a genie in a bottle. He has given me what my heart desires after givi
Re:My $0.02 (Score:1)