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Journal TechnoLust's Journal: "If you want a war, I'll give you a war." -Boo's Mom 39

Journal by TechnoLust
Since Boo and I aren't allowed to sit together, I usually stand in the back of the church now and they make her sit in the front with them. Well, we usually play 2 songs, then everyone goes around and shakes hands and says hello. Escept Boo and I don't do that anymore, because we aren't allowed near each other. So today, Boo's dad gets the bright idea that he should come back there and HUG ME. Like everything is cool and they don't wish I was out of their lives for good. You know... looks good in front of the church people. So I stand there like a statue and don't say a word or move. And he hugs me!

So I'm thinking, "Well if we're all such good friends again, I guess I can go talk to Boo." Well not really, but I was pissed off, so I was being "defiant". So after the service, I went up and hugged her and whispered, "I love you and I'm waiting for you." Her mom FREAKED OUT. She was yelling at me, like "WHAT ARE YOU DOING!? YOU AREN'T SUPPOSED TO BE TALKING TO HER!" I said, "I'm telling her I love her and I want to be with her." She said, "You can't! We talked about this." I said, "Then why does [Boo's dad] think he can come and hug me like everything is ok?" She said, "I don't know why he did, but the problem isn't between us, it's you and [Boo]." And I said, "No, the problem is you two, so if I can't be around her, you guys stay away from me, and don't be acting like everything is ok when it isn't." She said, "If you want a war, I'll give you a war." I said, "Fine then, bring it on." So she went and told the pastor on me. He was like, "What do you want ME to do?"

The best part is, Boo's mom started chewing Boo's dad out for coming back there before they even left the church. He had his head hung down and didn't say a word. He used to call and whine to me everytime she demasculated him. I wonder who he calls now.

So I don't know what they'll do. They can't really get a restraining order on me, because it was at church, and I haven't been calling them or anything. They've emailed me, but I haven't responded, so if anything, THEY are harassing ME.

It probably wasn't the smartest thing I've ever done, but I hate hypocrasy worse than anything, and for him to hug me in front of people after telling me I was a worthless liar in private, well, it just didn't sit to well.

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"If you want a war, I'll give you a war." -Boo's Mom More

"If you want a war, I'll give you a war." -Boo's Mom

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  • ...for Boo to never talk to her again once she moves out.
    • So what you are saying is just because her parents are over protective of her, she should cut off all relations with them once she's 18? That seems a little over the top to me. I don't think that her parents are purposely trying to make her life miserable. They probably just think that TL is using her, or doesn't actually lover her or something like that, and think that they still know what's best for her.
      • From what I've read in TL's journals, it doesn't seem like they truly care about her well being. They seem to care about themselves in that they just cut all the 'evils' out of her life so they don't have to worry about parenting her well to make good decisions on her own. They're doing her no good by handling these situations themselves, rather than giving Boo the experience. They certainly don't seem to care about her having any fun or freedom, rather they think she should be miserable just so they don't
        • To play devils advocate:
          You are only seeing one side of the story, and can't pass judgement on them until you hear their side.
          • Which is why I said "it seems" and "from what I've read."

            I find it hard to believe that her side is misrepresented too much, given my own experiences with overprotective parents. My parents pulled a lot of the crap that Boo's have, but they weren't the worst. I have a few friends who moved out upon graduating high school and did whatever it took to live on their own, even if they had to work 60 hours a week at a crappy job to live in a crappy apartment. Overprotective parents do not create a welcoming atmos

      • There is a line between overprotective and outright stupidity. They crossed that line years ago. To be perfectly honest, Boo had decided to cut them out of her lives years ago. She had planned on running away during their trip to Florida last December. She told me the reason she stayed was for me. (I told her I loved her in Nov.)

        They know that we are in love, they know we want to get married. The problem is, when that happens, Boo will not DEPEND on them, so they can not CONTROL her. They try to make

        • The problem is, when that happens, Boo will not DEPEND on them, so they can not CONTROL her. They try to make her dependant on them so she CAN'T leave.

          Bingo. Please pick your prize from the rack.

          These people sound just like my girlfriend's parents, they just use different mechanisms to exercise control. Basically, they appear to have some sort of inferiority complex where they feel the need to inflate their own percieved worth by abusing control of their daughter. To be quite honest, I never would've ta

  • I'll save all my church/hipocrasy comments, and just say
    1)I am proud that you did something
    2) this might make Boo's life worse, except
    3) I don't think its possible to make her life any worse, so I guess this in some ways makes it better!
    4) Sell that fucking boat and invest in a lawyer on retainer. Something tells me you'll need it... Oh, not (just) to defend yourself against the forthcoming wrongful accusation, but for a TRO (temporary restraining order).
    You deserve the freedom!
  • They can't REALLY do much else to make this more difficult. It's really unfortunate that they are being so pig headed about everything. I hope the boat is helping distracrt you, at least a little.
    -OZ
  • The worst thing she can do is cockblock you and she's already doing that.

    Ok, actually the worst thing she can do is have you actually get married and then insert herself into your lives and make them a living hell. Because that's the only way she can do anything; her only power exists in the sniping passive-aggressive bullshit that goes by the scientific designation of 'being a cunt'.

    Of course that only works if you are chained to her fucking mudflaps. Since I doubt you and your girl would be hanging ar
  • Well done TL. I was a bit surprised at your pastor's reaction though - surely he would/should have said something more than "What do you want ME to do?" Isn't he supposed to be providing you with spiritual guidance and support through this trying period in your life?

    What was Boo's reaction to your embrace? Hopefully it was positive and will give you the strength to get through the next few months...

    I may not agree 100% with you in this situation, but I do hope that it all works out in the end. I'd say you
    • I'm hoping that it will give Boo the strength to get through the next few months. I think hearing it from TL means more than her friend telling her that TL said he loves her and is waiting. Here's hoping...
      • That's one reason I did it. I have emails from her saying how much she just wanted me to hold her. So I did what I could. I know it scared her b/c she's afraid of what they'll do to me, but I hope she understands why I did it and that it means something that I'm willing to fight for her.
    • The pastor HAS tried talking to them. I found out later that the reason they let us date the first 3 months was because of him. THe thing is, they are so self-righteous that when the pastor says something they disagree with, they say, "Well, I hope God gets ahold of pastor and shows him that he's wrong." He knows this and he just listens and tells them he isn't going to "punish me". He didn't tell me everything that was said, but I'm sure they told him to ask me to stay away or to tell me to leave the chu
  • If somebody ever said "If you want a war, I'll give you a war." to me, I would probably do something like camp out by their house and then throw water balloons at them when I see them out in the open. Double points if you hit them in the head! You have to do something like that; if you just ignore them, then they will think that they won, and that you are a coward.

    Of course thats just me. And it probably explains why I don't have a gf of my own...
  • i like it considering the situation
  • Be not righteous over much; neither make thyself over wise: why shouldest thou destroy thyself?
    • I agree with leandrod. Win the war, forget the battles. Just be humble and sit back for a while.
      • Looks like everyone these days wanna learn Portuguese... is that Orkut fallout?
        • You would think that after living in Brazi for two years and then getting my minor in Portuguese at Stanford I would be a step beyond "wanna learn Portuguese", but if I were really that sure of my skills I wouldn't be responding in English, would I?
          • 'Wanna learn Portuguese' should fit someone who lived in Brazil and got a minor in Portuguese, shouldn't it? It is not derisory, to the contrary it's an unmixed good if the identification of monoglots and Anglophones is to cease.

            Now, are you Mormon? Looks like two-thirds of the US Portuguese speakers were Mormon missionaries...
            • I am a Mormon. I agree that it is rare for someone in the USA to learn Portuguese. They are much more likely to learn Spanish since it is used more widely here. The Spanish and Portuguses department at my university taught lots of large Spanish classes and a few small Portuguese classes. I didn't mind since it meant that I got to interact with the professors more.

              Still, it leads to an odd under-represenation of Brazil in any sort of Latin-American studies program. More than half of the population of S

              • >

                it leads to an odd under-represenation of Brazil in any sort of Latin-American studies program. More than half of the population of South America is Brazilian and Brazil occupies more than half of the continent, but you wouldn't know if from looking at the focus of studies of Latin-American in US universities.

                Brazil is bigger and thus more self-contained than Spanish American countries. Many of these countries tend to have better relations with the centers of power (first Europe, then the US and no

  • Who would win (and lose) a war (Score:3, Interesting)

    by Lumpish Scholar ( 17107 ) on Monday July 19, 2004 @10:49AM (#9737836) Homepage Journal
    You're missing the point in a big way. This is not about who's stronger.

    Understanding is not forgiveness, so take a minute to undertand them. They think -- or at least they act as if -- they're protecting her. Just as your love for her justifies what you're doing, so they think (or act as if) what they're doing is justified. I'm not saying it's so, I'm not defending them; I'm trying to help you understand the past and the present, so you can better understand the future.

    Imagine a situation where her parents say, in effect, "You do such-and-such or we'll hurt her." You don't want to see her hurt; but their position is that her having anything to do with you is hurting her, so any hurt they inflict would in their minds be the lesser of two evils. (The unjust know no shame?)

    Maybe you back down, you lose, they win. Maybe you don't, and you win and they lose ... in the sense that they then have to go with their idea of the lesser of two evils, and hurt her.

    Forget yourself, forget them. Either way, who gets hurt?

    I feel bad, because when you posted the "discussion" you were going to have with her dad, I knew exactly how it was going to go, and I almost let you know in advance, and I didn't. I don't know how much it would have helped you; I wish I had.

    You cannot successfully fight a war with them; the best you could hope for would be a Pyrrhic victory [reference.com]. A battle of wills will result in her pain.

    What can you do? Be patient. Let your love for her overwhelm and overcome your hatred (however justified) for them. As much as you can, protect her from all pain other than that of being far from you. Fight fire with water. Don't ever descend to their level.

    In short, be more adult than them.

    Good luck, and my prayers, to all of you.
    • This came up before. I told her I would back off because if I was around they would hurt her. She said, "They are going to hurt me anyway, if you back off, then it hurts worse."

      I think I've been pretty adult so far. Yesterday, I was slapped in the face (figuratively) in my own church. I didn't stand for it. There's only so much I can take. Maybe yesterday wasn't the best path, but I feel a lot better today than I have in months. I'm not depressed, I'm not extrememly angry. I still miss Boo, but I'm

  • if boo's dad really does like you. it seems that he might like you quite a bit, just not as much as he fears his wife. if she's so controlling, i wonder how things were manipulated back when they were courting during her first marriage.

    don't let them put you into the role of being child just because you're dating their daughter. if you're doing things you admit might not be the smartest just because you're angry and feeling defiant, they are putting you into that rôle somewhat. you can be a grown
    • I've tried to tell myself that. Boo kept saying, "I'm sorry, but he doesn't like you." I thought maybe he didn't tell her b/c he didn't want to "push her on me". The cold reality is, he's an opportunist. He hugged me because it made him look good in front of the church, and he thought I couldn't do anything except take it, so he felt all big.

      He's a sad pathetic little man, and he doesn't know WHAT he feels unless his wife tells him. I've never met anyone as two faced as he is. And if he really did li

  • They can't really get a restraining order on me

    Yes they can. All they have to do is file the correct paperwork showing cause and pay the fee... and VOILA you're no longer allowed within X feet/yards of Boo.
    • True... restraining orders are scary things. It takes virtually nothing to get one and the implications are quite disturbing. You see lots of horror stories... if someone gets a restraining order against you, in a lot of places, you have to turn in all your guns before you even get a chance to argue against the validity of the order.
  • Just scanned the comments, and didn't see any ACs. That's a pleasant change.

    Mekkab is right: get yourself someone on retainer. Don't have to sell the boat though, a consult and retainer should only be ~$200

    mad_poster is right. Always. And I stalk him, which is cool.

    Sielwolf, as always, is right.

    John Harrison is perhaps most right. Win the war, not the battles. This event didn't gain you anything except perhaps for a few minutes of having 'stuck it to them'. Everything you do to them will get filtered ba
    • There are references in the Bible 9I can research them if requested) where Christians are urged to take their disputes before the clergy before going to court (which is outside the church). The reasons? Try a godly man's wisdom before trying an ungodly man's wisdom.

      This is good advice and it would seem that the pastor has made his decision (by putting the question to the parents regarding what he should do).

      However, the fact that you hugged her and she did not seem to hug back is what could give the par
      • Wonder if that reference is in the Pentetuch (sp?) as I think that all of the children of Abraham are commanded to go to the clergy first.

        TL needs to be a bit concerned about that. Even if Boo's parents are persona non grata at the church, there could be a division. If someone doesn't like TL, or thinks his 'thing' with Boo is unseemly, they may be agin it, even if they don't like the parents.

        Gotta love church politics.

        BTW, what seems really sucky to me is that the 'protected' person has all the rights w

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