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Enlightenment

Journal TechnoLust's Journal: Epiphany on happiness/satisfaction 27

Journal by TechnoLust
I've always been very self-motivated and goal oriented. That's sounds like a good thing, and in some ways it is. In other ways, it's a freakin' downer. When I was in elementary school, I had a goal: to do well and graduate to high school. When I went to HS, I had a goal: to do well and graduate to college. When in college, my goal became to do well and graduate with a BS in Chemistry. When I did that, my goal became to get a job. (Why I went into IT is another story.) I did that. My goal became to advance in my job and make more money, and to find a nice Christian girl, settle down, marry her, and raise a family.

I have advanced in my job, and I'm content with where I'm at in it right now. But I'm not married and don't have a family. I'll have to admit, that at times, this has bothered me. Monday night, my friends Sarah and Cathy were telling me about Cathy's niece, who's going to college in Nashville. They are wanting to set me up with her. Normally I'd be all over the oportunity, but I just wasn't feeling into it.

Yesterday I had lunch with Ann, and she was asking me about LB. She said, "She's really cute... did you think she was cute?" I said, "Yes, she is, but I don't want to go out with her." Ann sighed and said, "Yeah, I knew you didn't." She sounded disappointed.

Last night, I met a very attractive girl, and talked to her. She used to be anorexic, and I think she's a dietician or something. She's written a book about her struggle with anorexia. I'd never seen her before and she hugged me 3 or 4 times over the course of the night. Normally I would have been thinking about asking her out, even if I didn't actually come out and ask her. Last night, I was just talking and enjoying the exchange of ideas, without thinking it might go further.

Before I talked to her, though, I had an epiphany. I realized that for most of my life I have been waiting on the next step, thinking that when I reached the next level, I'd be satisfied. It was always a feeling of, "this is ok for now, but in x years I want to be here". Last night I realized that I no longer feel that way. I feel good about my job, my church, and the ministries I'm involved in. I feel like I'm making a difference. I don't really have time for a girlfriend, and that doesn't bother me. I could live like this the rest of my life and find happiness in it. I'm being obedient to God, and learning more each day the nuances of His voice. I still would like to have a family, but I know that if that isn't what God has for me, I can be happy alone. He'll make sure of that. The funny thing is that now that I know I could be happy alone, I'm also fairly sure that He hasn't called me to live a single life forever.

This realization has helped me in several ways. I finally have 100% trust that God does have someone waiting for me, and I don't have to try and figure out who she is or how to be with her. He'll take care of the details. I can relax and enjoy my situation as it stands, and go out and have fun with girls and all that, but not worry about taking it to the next level. This is a good thing. I've always tried to be obedient, but I never really wanted to let Him have complete control. I had my own plans. He's shown me some things about my plans that don't line up with His plans. I started to write about them, but I can't without getting too personal. Some of you I wouldn't mind sharing this with, but there are certain people that would not understand what I was trying to say, and it would be counter-productive to try to explain it, so I'll omit that part.

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Epiphany on happiness/satisfaction More

Epiphany on happiness/satisfaction

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  • I've had to think about this a lot, now that lots of next steps are going to take a cane and some need a chair.

    Is my worth determined by what i attain?

    Career, degree, the fabled 'wife and kids'? (yes, i'm always going to use that term, because there's a distinct diference in our society by the role of 'wife and kids' and the role of 'husband and kids,' and i want that difference to be glaringly obvious to everyone, the way 'working father' and 'working mother' have totally different connotations.)

    Is w

    • I'm trying to reconcile myself to the fact that i don't seem to have a specific purpose or use.
      But you do have a purpose. God didn't put you in my life just for the fun of it... I can see many possible purposes for you, but it is not my place to tell you what those are. Half the point is finding that out.
      • first of all, that's not helpful (i have ideas and won't share them) and second, i'm NOT intending this as a slight, but i hope that my life's worth has to do with more than whether i'm in one person's life.

        sol

        • I wasn't meaning that you being in my life was your only purpose. I was simply trying to point out that you affect everyone you are around, and part of your purpose is your relationships with other people.

          As for the not sharing, I would be willing to talk to you about some of the things I think your purposes are, but only on phone or email, not /. But it will not mean as much to you if I tell you as if you came to it on your own. If someone had told me one of my purposes was to be working in a recover

  • But I'm not married and don't have a family. I'll have to admit, that at times, this has bothered me.

    How old are you? I do know if this is obvious but people who tend to have strong religious beliefs tend to worry about or desire marriage at a very early point in life, generally too early and unnecessarily. One quick example are Mormons, they take it to an extreme. I remember eating a TGI Fridays in Utah last spring and listening to an 19 yr old Mormon girl complain about not being married and how all

    • Having the same core set of beliefs/non-beliefs or at least being relatively close in what your beliefs are can reduce a lot of undo strife and aggrivation in a family/relationship. For example:

      My family is Christian and My Wife's family is Catholic, and there is a some level of aggrivation and stress between our families because of it.

      Im not saying that one should preclude potential partners because of different beliefs, its just that its nice to be able to persue Spiritual growth together which can b
    • Well, I could say something here on TL's behalf, about how you should marry someone you have the same values and goals as, and some other stuff, which is why he has to marry a Christian. But I won't. Instead, I shall cite some statistics (which are only slightly better than lies or darn lies....).

      In study after study, Barna Research Group and others, have found that nearly 100% of married couples who pray together have great marriages and great sex lives. The SD on these studies is insanely small. Ther
    • I'm 25. And yes, red5 pointed out some time ago that I thought about marriage sooner in a relationship than he did. Of couse, I'm a little older than he is. Right now, I'm cool with being single, and I'm not getting involved with girls I know are wanting something serious.

      She has to be Christian, because my faith teaches that you shouldn't marry someone who is "unequally yoked" or having a different level of faith than yourself. But even if you completely discount religion, think about how it would wor

      • and a non-Christian is not going to meet those.

        ... and now you know why we will never be in a hot tub together ^_^

        I can say that nicely and with a smile here because you seem like a genuinely nice person and I am well aware that faith is a huge part of who you are. But, in RL, I think you'd drive me up the wall.
        • I think you'd drive me up the wall.
          If we were trying to have a relationship... yes. If we were hanging out... probably not. Despite what everyone thinks, I can hang out with a girl and not want it to be anything more than friendship. If we were hanging out together, I would talk about dreams with you and video games and other things besides religion. That would be ok in a friendship, because I don't have the same expectations for friends as a mate. I don't force people to talk about religion if they
      • Comment removed based on user account deletion
  • ... that I can get a good deal on a hottub?
  • I kinda came at it from a different angle, but its a beautiful paradox: to be truly content with who you are and enjoy all that life has to offer you in the "Right Now", and yet to be a go-getter, a maker of plans, preparing for the future and taking chances and making sacrifices right now and leaving it up to chance.
    But it isn't so much of a paradox as it is a duality: they can co-exist. Same coin, different sides.

    • Comment removed based on user account deletion
      • actually- the bizz-e sched just ended. Infact, I thought I wrote a JE about it Tuesday night, however I have no JE. Now I have to write it again! See what over-work will do to you?!

        One of the worst/scariest things, is being content with reality, and then losing all forms of opinion and preference. Kinda like "Zen and the Art Of Motorcycle Maint." you can sit there in a warm puddle of your own urine and say "ya know, this really isn't that bad..."

        And when someone asks "What do you want for dinner?" you s
  • I went through basically the same thing...

    School -> High School -> College -> Wife -> House -> Black Belt -> ????

    I accomplished my last goal, and now I'm like "What's next?". I'm just starting to get my crap together and really think about it. I'm completely happy with everything so far. I have a good job, nice house and a wonderful wife. I often wonder if what I'm missing is kids. But I don't have that baby fever that I see a lot of would-be parents get. So I'm not sure what pat
  • When you're no longer "on the hunt" for a significant other, when you're relaxed with yourself and with the goals you set, that's when good things happen.

    Too many approach marriage as a sort of achievement, as if it were a check-list of some sort. But it shouldn't be.

    There is a form of self discovery we need to get going in ourselves which we need before we can build a solid foundation for a marriage. It's not enough to be religious and to have goals. You need to know WHY you choose to be religious and
    • Wow... that's pretty much me, right there. I've never really been lost in religion. In fact, I hate religion, and don't consider my self a religious person. I have a relationship with God. I have a great sense of humor, and great friends. The rest of it I read with an open mouth, because you hit the nail on the head.

      Do you let others care for you too?
      I do now. For many years (up until my Emmaus walk), I felt proud and I didn't want to admit I needed help. Now, I'm more open with my problems, and I

      • Another way I could have put it: If you're NOT religious, know why you aren't.

        This kind of self knowledge will become important if and when children emerge in to the picture. Children are always a context for bringing these issues to the fore.

        I'm not the kind of religious person who goes to worship every sabbath (be it on Friday, Saturday, or Sunday). I get very little from that sort of thing. However, I do study theological ideas from time to time. I know where I'm grounded (I'm Jewish), and I know t

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