well i'm no longer going to post here i don't particularly like all of the anonymous comments, now don't get me wrong i do like comments but i kinda want to know who they are. i know who some are but that is only because they leave me clues but thank you for those who listen

so i thank you for the people that commented before feel free to continue to do so...one trend i am noticing is, well, they are all anonymous so why is it that everyone doesn't want me to know their identity? can you not just say things to me in person so i know who you are? i find this interesting...i know i don't take critism well but its funny when i figure out who it is because i can tell how they speak...they are the only one that talks to me like that...so its obvious...anyways i got a c

sometimes i wonder why i try...i try and try so hard to be nice as much as i possibly can but she just seems to want to have me mad. she says she gave me a second chance but it never looks that way... bleh...sometimes i wonder where the good in all this is...right now there isn't... she isn't worth it to me at all...yet i still wish things were different...its not about getting over her at this point because i am... i really don't know what its about really anymore...i can just let her live her

its been a very long time since i've written anything in here...i've been more lazy than busy...but i'm getting over that...summers over and schools started again bleh already...my ex apologized to me for the bullshit she put me through this summer...i found it odd but i guess its still a nice gesture...when i think about it anymore all i want to do is sit down with her smoke a whole lot and just hang out...that seems to be the best thing to solve the shit between us becuase it's always worked i

its funny how some things just come together, karma controls everything i believe...i know i'm ruled by anger a lot and no one seems to understand that maybe because i've grown to be so good at hiding it. i know i can make many people believe things about me that aren't true i've done enough tests by now...and i've come to realize that it doesn't matter how close the person is to me i can make them believe something. i woul dneed more testing with that though because i've only tested so far li

so i feel as though my life is repeating itself and that my past sins are making me pay in ways that i just cannot bear. my girlfriend broke up with me on our 5th aniversery and all i did for 2 weeks was wallow in drugs and alcohol not even knowing what day it was when i looked at a calander. but after all of that was over and done with did i feel any better? not really...i actually think i felt worse after all of that. not about the fact that she broke up with me more the fact that i put my

so today i have discovered a few things...one my ex is getting kicked out of her house. another is that my true friends support me no matter what i decide. and finally that some people can not evolve past a certain point no matter how much you want them to. with the first thing i'm not happy about the fact that she was kicked out of her house i actually feel sad for her. i feel bad for her that she has to deal with the real world when she could have waited a little bit longer but it was her de

i'm not sure what i want to say tonite but i need to just spill. my girlfriend broke up with me over 2 weeks ago but since then i've had a debate in my head as to how i should be and what i should do...its not completely over yet but i have made some decisions i will wait to see if certain things happen before i revert to the next idea that i have and that gives me more time to prepare also...i hope its for nothing though because i am going back to a place that i haven't been since four years a

ok don't ask about the title first off i couldn't really think of one and the one i chose is redundant but nonetheless i was wrong about the previous weekend my girlfriend didn't break up with me like i thought she was going to do. there were hints the whole weekend that made me think that she was going to but she ended up not doing it. i may seem surprised by all of this and i partially am but i'm more happy about the fact that we are still together...i love her to death and not in the pyscho

so my girlfriend is coming up this weekend which i'm excited for and somewhat reluctant. two weeks ago we decided that i'm supposed to know something by this weekend. and i have learned some things but i don't think they were supposed to be what i learned and then the notion that maybe what i was supposed to figure out was nothing but then again sometimes i just am not sure...either way if the topic of this does get brought up i'll tell her what i know and just say that if its not what she was

yes it definately has been a while since i have written in this...19 days to be exact. a lot has change but really nothing has if you get that. i'm hanging on by a fingernail to the one thing i hold dear in life and i find myself wanting to eat a bullet but i'm not going to its not worth it. if its truly not meant to happen then i will move on and prove them wrong thats what i've done in the past and will always do. i do really hope that this is meant to be but it doesn't look good right now

well today was my first day back to work since spring break. Most people would be groggy or whatever but for me its a good thing. As much as i hate working there i like it too. i like the people there they are all cool including my boss who kisses my ass every chance he gets because my mom works there too and is higher up than him but thats ok because i don't mind some royal treatment. today wasn't that rough like i thought it was going to be on me. i'm somewhat sore but i think that had mor

Ok so its a saturday nite at midnite and where am i...on the computer...i find it sad because i'm 19 and should be out partying or something but nope my friends are dorks a lot and go to bed early when they should be going out when they don't have work the next day. Now dont get me wrong i can understand a person going home early if they have to wake up at 6am for work the next day but when you have nothing to do why not have a little fun? i dunno...sometimes i just think i need new friends bu

ok so i can tell right from the start this entry isn't going to be long because its 330 in the morning and i'm already drunk as hell drinking more...surprisingly things between my girlfriend and i have taken a 180 into the right direction and we're starting to communicate better. I'm not sure what the change is i know i haven't changed too much to cause this so i'm assuming that the change has come from her end but who really ever knows. i know she read my last entry which is a good feeling kno

Ok so this is my third or fourth online journal now and i don't remember the names and passwords for the other ones. Anyways, I've probably needed to write in one of these for a very long time now and just never have. Today my sister suggested to me that I should keep a journal and i thought about it and afterwardsI figured out that everytime something goes wrong in my life i always run to my friends. It's good in theory but they have their own problems to worry about and don't need mine too.