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Journal Some Woman's Journal: Hey, bethanie...I hear you're not sexually satisfied... 38

Journal by Some Woman

I read it on Slashdot, so it must be so. Idiot of the Day Award recipient.

The sentence in question is "Studies show that the most sexually satisfied women are those in evangelical Christian marriages." I just have a couple of questions that I fear the poster may not be willing to answer...

1. Studies? Yes. This "Studies" individual, from which esteemed educational institution did s/he matriculate?

2. Oh! I get it! Like research 'n' stuff. What was your..er...his/her sample size? Now, I don't mean to second guess the quality of your academic research, but...it wasn't on the order of, oh...say...one, was it?

3. But why I'm really here...is there hope for me? Should I just give up now on my path to eternal sexual satisfaction for fear of never finding the right god to worship in the proper manner with my appropriately faithful future spouse? Grim prospects indeed.

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Hey, bethanie...I hear you're not sexually satisfied... More

Hey, bethanie...I hear you're not sexually satisfied...

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  • I'm being sexually repressed!
  • Comment removed based on user account deletion
    • Good points concerning whether any such study could ever really be accurate. If there were any such study, I would seriously question their research methods.

      I was more concerned about whether or not there actually was a study, or if it was now acceptable to cite vague notions of research as fact.
  • 1. Studies? Yes. This "Studies" individual, from which esteemed educational institution did s/he matriculate?

    2. Oh! I get it! Like research 'n' stuff. What was your..er...his/her sample size? Now, I don't mean to second guess the quality of your academic research, but...it wasn't on the order of, oh...say...one, was it?

    Apparantly it wasn't an individual, but an organization. This Fellow [wcr.ab.ca] provides some better references, though none easy enough to investigate online for a /. comment.

    And on the other side
    • If you only have one sexual partner in your entire life, then you won't be making comparisons between your current partner and a rose-colored ideal of someone else, which in the absence of some sexually-chilling aspect of your relationship should lead to a more "statisfying" partnership than if you had each had multiple different partners of varying ability.

      Two problems with this argument:
      1. What if you marry the best you've ever had? (And BTW, SW, I *am* satisfied ;-) -- they didn't say that the *only* wo
      • What if you marry the best you've ever had?

        (me): Hey, good for you. Woo hoo!.

        (devil's advocate): Then you may find him lacking in other aspects of the relationship--experience, innocence, et al.

        (me again): Or, you could just train yourself not to make spoken or non-spoken comparisons with other lovers, which is a good idea anyway.

        If you only have one sexual partner your entire life, you may not have grounds for comparison but (based on experience!!) I would say that the speculative imagination is a m
    • And on the other side--can you note some polls that make the opposite claim, that fewer married women are less sexually satisfied than their unmarried "hedonistic" counterparts?

      First of all, the claim wasn't just those who are married, it was "Evangelical" married people. And to answer your question Yes. [ejhs.org] And that was the fruit of just a cursory search.
    • Nah. What you should do is find out who YOU are, and from there find out what face of the Divine you're going to worship, and with that knowledge go find yourself someone compatable.

      And if one chooses not to entertain this archaic fantasy, one can no find a compatible mate? Tosh!

      • And if one chooses not to entertain this archaic fantasy, one can no find a compatible mate? Tosh!

        "archaic fantasy?"

        Hmm...

        Oh, you're talking about religion. I see. If I decide to be an amoral hedonist, that's OK, but if I decide that I agree with the majority of the people alive today and believe in a divine being, I'm in a "fantasy."

        (And I won't even get started on the "archaic" part--you're just wrong there. We've had relgions essentially born in the last fifty years, in America.)

        Now, I could go
        • I've a somewhat different experience.

          So I'm going to tell you the bitter truth: EVERY PERSON I have ever met who espoused a belief that God does not exist is single. Bitterly single

          Not my boyfriend. Bitter? Possibly. But definitely not single. Among my friends and aquaintances, there doesn't seem to be any correlation between religious belief and partner-status. One of my atheist friends is engaged to a semi-devout Catholic. Whatever works, I say. My atheist lab partner is single, but not bitter.
          • Not my boyfriend. Bitter? Possibly. But definitely not single. Among my friends and aquaintances, there doesn't seem to be any correlation between religious belief and partner-status. One of my atheist friends is engaged to a semi-devout Catholic. Whatever works, I say. My atheist lab partner is single, but not bitter. I attribute both to his Everquest habit, though.

            Are your atheist friends Strong Athiests ("there is no God") or Weak Atheists ("I do not believe in God.")?

            It's nice to hear that the misery
            • The engaged-to-a-Catholic friend and my boyfriend are strong atheists. Everquest boy largely cares about nothing other than what his guild is doing this week, so weak atheist for him. I'm sure that I know more weak atheists, but it's difficult to tell because they, much like weak Christians, are less vocal about their beliefs.

        • Well, this would be rich territory if I were in the mood, but since I'm not, let's take one example:

          So I'm going to tell you the bitter truth: EVERY PERSON I have ever met who espoused a belief that God does not exist is single. Bitterly single. Horribly single. So single that their own left hand won't go out on a date with them.

          Maybe you shold get out more. I see this a lot: blinded by an over-reliance on anecdotal evidence. It's a very unstable approach that takes a lot of tortured thinking to mai

          • Maybe you shold get out more. I see this a lot: blinded by an over-reliance on anecdotal evidence. It's a very unstable approach that takes a lot of tortured thinking to maintain.

            Sheesh.

            I'm not going to get into a flamewar with a Strong Atheist Troll. I'm well aware that there are people who believe that God doesn't exist and yet live happy lives--Our Lord and Savior is cool like that; even if you don't care about Him, He cares about you.

            Peace be With you, regardless of if you have found God or not. :)
  • The reasons are simpler than you think. What is the secular view on sex and marriage today? Be loose, sleep with anyone, if a marriage is getting difficult, break up, etc. Right? After all, you should have sexual freedom! Umm... whatever.

    Anyway...

    In a Christian marriage, the husband and wife are more likely to be committed to one another. Through the good times and the bad. (Interestingly, the bad are far more important to the marriage than the good. It helps deepen your relationship.) Over the years, you
    • What is the secular view on sex and marriage today? Be loose, sleep with anyone, if a marriage is getting difficult, break up, etc. Right?

      Oh please.

      To say that there is one secular view on marriage is highly inaccurate -- just as it is to say that there is one Christian view on marriage. I'm not religious at all and the above statement certainly doesn't match my view, and I doubt I'm the only one who thinks that way.

      Furthermore, it's almost offensive the way you speak of the "Christian" marriage bein

      • I agree. I'm sure everyone knows Christians that are divorced, maybe even multiple times. I know some non-Christians that have been married for a VERY long time.
      • Gosh, I received a flame on slashdot instead of an intelligent response. Who 'da thunk? God forbid anyone actually try to respond to the actual content of my post instead of stating that I'm offending people and religions that aren't even mentioned in the subject, or that statistical generalizations always have exceptions, therefore I'm patently wrong.

        Statistics are 100% about generalizations. The sooner you decide to accept that fact, the sooner I can give you an intelligent response. Otherwise a response
        • It was hardly a flame. A flame would have been "You're a fucking wanker, you Christian freak." What daoine posted is typically refered to as a dissenting opinion.

          Daoine had two points in particular. I have helpfully provided the relevant parts of your post:

          What is the secular view on sex and marriage today?

          Daoine believes that there is not a single homogeneous secular view of marriage. She uses the rhetorical tool of simile to express her point.

          In a Christian marriage, the husband and wife are

          • Ah, good! Someone with an intelligent response.

            Daoine believes that there is not a single homogeneous secular view of marriage. She uses the rhetorical tool of simile to express her point.

            Rhetorical responses are used to "win" an argument or make a point about another's behavior. They are a very poor tool for a serious discussion.

            That being said, I'm speaking from generalizations. Just as statistics do. Consider the current divorce rate [divorcereform.org] of 43%-50% and the fact that "incompatibility" is listed as the n

    • The reasons are simpler than you think. What is the secular view on sex and marriage today? Be loose, sleep with anyone, if a marriage is getting difficult, break up, etc. Right? After all, you should have sexual freedom! Umm... whatever.

      Hardly. First, there is no "secular view". Second, I think you've seen to many Austin Powers movies. Monogamy (or at least serial monogamy) is an important aspect of our cultural milieu. Even when in my single days, I strove to remain faithful to whomever I was dating

      • Monogamy (or at least serial monogamy) is an important aspect of our cultural milieu. Even when in my single days, I strove to remain faithful to whomever I was dating, and this seems to me to be more or less the norm.

        Agreed. I'm not arguing that polygamy is currently the norm, but rather that there is often very little respect paid to the institutions of dating and marriage. Many people find it perfectly acceptable to dump a GF/BF on a whim, then pick up with someone else. As a result, many couples eith
        • Interestingly enough, people who are willing to make a commitment from day one and build strong relationships, tend to be the same people who become very successful in their chosen field.

          Got any literature on that? A "commitment from day 1" strikes me as lunacy.

          • Sorry, that should have said "my observations are". That part is 100% opinion. There may be studies on it, but I'm afraid I don't keep up with them.

            Got any literature on that? A "commitment from day 1" strikes me as lunacy.

            Why? Many people know the person as an acquaintance before they date. Is it unreasonable to expect that dating should lead to a deep relationship that will become a marriage? If you have the attitude, "let's date and see how it goes", is it really surprising when things "don't work o

            • Well, uh, it does appear. "Suddenly" is probably rare, but I wouldn't refuse to go to a movie with someone because I wasn't sure I wanted her to be the mother of my children.

              Besides, how can you make a commitment until you find out if the sexual chemistry is any good?

              • Well, uh, it does appear. "Suddenly" is probably rare, but I wouldn't refuse to go to a movie with someone because I wasn't sure I wanted her to be the mother of my children.

                But that's different from, "I'm dating this person for the express purpose of a marriage relationship." It may not work out. That's life. But many relationships fall apart as soon as they get hard because of lack of commitment. IMHO, strong relationships are defined by the bad times, not the good.

                Besides, how can you make a commi
    • Does that answer your question?

      It depends. What's the question? If the question is "How can you show that this is true?", then no. If the questions is "What reasons can you generate for this unsupported claim being true?" then maybe.

      The most unbiased research you can find on this kind of stuff is the General Social Survey. Let's just take it on faith that an organization that asks 60,000 people this many questions over 30 years doesn't have an agenda.

      Here's a link to play along: http://sda.berkeley.
  • Here is something I'm more liekly to trust [findarticles.com] than the heritage foundation. The intriguing point: those women who are sexual satisfied by their husbands are less likely to divorce.

    but the creme de la creme, THIS REPORT [ejhs.org] that says Swingers are generally more satisfied and happier than their non-swinging counterparts. BOOYAKKA! Eat some of that, heritage foundation!

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