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Journal SolemnDragon's Journal: an explanation 49

Journal by SolemnDragon

i'm not disabling comments. i'm also not -yet- really ready to talk about it. So it may be a long time before i come back to read. But here goes

my privacy isn't as sacrosanct as i thought (what matters more? my right to privacy AND the support of my friends, or your right to watch?)

this is going to hurt.

not you. Me.

sol took her night meds at a friend's house and no, not 'rape' exactly, but it VERY definitely qualifies as assault. No question. At least, we're 90% sure that it didn't happen that way. Eyewitness testimony argues against it and physical exam, though delayed considerably, showed no obvious signs. From my perspective, i'd rather be drowned than stabbed and drowned, but either way...

i don't know how to talk about this. i feel as if i am posting under duress. (You're not going to get all the details and specifics, so you'll have to go satisfy your sickness someplace else, AC.)

and i guess i need to post it here, because obviously plastering it up on the internet is the only way to make it acceptable that i'm not oke, that things are not right in solemnville.

And maybe, maybe it will help someone else who goes through it, i don't know.

i have the marks left on my body, and even the person's tearful discourse with me the next morning, to corroborate my disjointed memories.

i would like to ask 3 favours.

  1. please do not discuss the issue of pressing charges with me, because how i handle it from here is a painful process no matter what, and for me and the crisis counselors to deal with. I'm getting enough pressure from enough people. Don't add more.
  2. please don't ask me for more specifics, i'm NOT COMFORTABLE even posting this much (thank you AC, may the cornerstone of hell be your pillow forever.)
  3. please be patient with me, and understand that i DON'T routinely take my meds when not at home, i thought i was in a safe place. It's not like i changed my mind after the fact- i wasn't wholly THERE when it was happening. i woke up with bruises i don't remember getting. i didn't ask for this, and i can't just snap out of it or move on from this except slowly. I'm not all right. If you don't have anything nice to say, please say it when i am better. Not yet.
This discussion was created by SolemnDragon (593956) for no Foes, but now has been archived. No new comments can be posted.

an explanation More

an explanation

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  • All I can say is be well. Nothing else seems appropriate.
    • Some of us have the luck to know you more personally. They get more info. Those in the dark (like me and dead sun, pun intended) only can wish that you're okay.

      Sol, you've been there when I needed someone. I'll be there if you need me. That's a promise (and I think I speak for the whole circle)

      • and I think I speak for the whole circle

        Seems most likely. Certainly for me amongst the many who are at one or two removes...

      • I'm certainly willing to listen, and if I have anything intelligent or empathetic to say I'll do so as well, if the timing seems right. Right now all I feel is appropriate is to pass along my best wishes without strings attached or expectations either.

        Take care of yourself Sol, and know that any of us, even those that don't know you well, will willingly be an ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on, or a voice of support. Just do what you need to do.

  • I have been hesitant to try to communicate, for fear of saying the wrong thing, or putting the whole shoe store in my mouth or what have you, and as such I have been quiet here. Also, I do not know you as well as many of the others here, and I did not want to push.

    I'll say something now, though, and it's simply this: I am very, very sorry to hear about your difficulty. Been thinking about you all week and wondering if you're all right, fearing the worst and hoping for the best. If there's anything I can s

  • And are here to support you any way you need us to.
  • I'm so very sorry Sol. I was worried it was something like that. I can tell how lady-like and proper you really are, so I know it's hard for you to talk about.

    You know what? You DON'T have to ever talk about it with all of us, only your closest friends, IF you want to. You aren't obligated whatsoever, except, hopefully, to let us know you're ok from time to time. Ok being: breathing, eating, drinking, and surviving for right now.

    I'm throwing so much care and concern your way it's ridiculous. I'm very
  • Good luck on your recovery. You have our support.
  • I *heart* you!

    I wish there was something I could say to make it better. Take your time to truely heal. You do not have to always put on a brave face for the world, it is ok to say you are hurt and ask for support.

    If there's anything I can do, IM me or email. If you've lost my info, TL can give it to you.

  • Be well. Be safe. Speak only of what you are comfortable.

    The nay-sayers and taunters will always be moronic, but we like our Sol to be exactly who she needs to be.

    Even if she needs to be away.

    We your friends understand. Those who don't understand are uncordially invited to catch bricks with their faces.
    • I further would like to say that I read only the first four sentences, and posted then.

      I choose not to read it, as it makes you uncomfortable to post it. Hopefully, that at least makes you feel a little better. =)
  • Gosh, I'm so sorry for what you're going through.

    Take a virtual -HUG- and if you need anything (legs broken, bodies quietly disposed of, a shoulder to cry on), I'm ready to help.

  • One of the hats I have worn on my balding size 8 head in my life is volunteer rape crisis counselor. You may be wondering what to do about our friend, I'd like to share some of my strength, experience and hope.

    Most importantly: handle your own feelings. If you find yourself wanting a bunch of answers to questions about what happened, please understand that this is your problem, not sol's. Your anxiety and curiosity arise out your own fears about how it is the the bubble of safety we all imagine arou
  • you need to worry about you, not us. you need to take care of you, not us. be well, be safe, be warm and be happy.

    if you like horrifying violence can befall anyone of your choosing. anyone. say the word.

  • .. take as much time as you need. You owe only one person - yourself - anything, and that's to get through this and move along with your life.

  • Take as much time out as you need, dear Dragon. I'm sure we'll be able to amuse ourselves while we await the return of the Mighty Mistress of Burnination.

    -MT.
  • and know that there are plenty of people here thinking about you and wellwishing/praying only for the best for you. I know I have.
  • Comment removed based on user account deletion
  • and we're all here to guard the mouth of your cave so our favorite dragon has the time and space needed to heal.
  • Had I a hundred lifetimes of wit and lore I could not find words in any tongue sufficient to express what should be expressed. Had I a thousand selves of undying fortitude, I could not do enough to put right what went wrong.

    Please do whatever you must and take howeverlong you need; this ethereal medium is not but a fleeting fancy, shared among distant friends as it may be.
  • The only other thing I could add is that you have my info. If you choose to use it, that's oke, if not, that's oke too.

    My thoughts and prayers to help your healing.

    ^_^

  • Here is wishing you well, like everyone else in this thread. Take the time and space you need.

    Ashtead

  • Its saddens me that people will still do things like that in our supposedly "modern" society...
  • I can't say any more than everyone else here has. Best wishes as you work your way through this.
  • ...wanting just as badly to help in any way possible.

    Be well, and bless you.

    Cheers,

    Ethelred

  • ... are getting perilously close to establishing mens rea or conspiracy. If something should happen to the perp, their lives could become more interesting than they wanted them to be.

    Which is not to say that I wouldn't mind reading about Evil and Wicked's adventures with branding irons, hot wax and a certain person who is and shall remain nameless. Oh, and a skid full of bricks.

  • If you need anything, please let me know. I'm far too far away to be of any help any way I can think of, but you may think of something.

    Please know that I care about you, my brave and fragile Dragon friend.

  • Yeah (Score:2)

    by ryanr ( 30917 ) *
    That's what I was afraid of. I'm mostly just writing to point out that I'm not writing anything. Really, that I, like the whole rest of the group, am aware of your trouble. But I don't have anything useful to say.

    I wish I could do something to help. I know there isn't anything, so I don't offer. There are much more appropriate people for you to call, write, see. I hope you know that if you needed anything from me, I'd do what I could. If you wanted a pony, I'd do my best to arrange it.

    I wish you a
  • I really was hoping that this wouldn't be the case at all.

    Words fail to properly explain how sad I am that this has happened. Please take as much time for yourself as you need. We will all be here awaiting your return. I can't speak for all of us, but I know that we will keep our community going along in your absence. Attempt to not worry about us; focus on yourself.

    I also noticed that you want the AC posting, hairy palmed, knuckle dragging troglodyte to have his own cornerstone in hell as a pillow. T
  • What I said before still stands. I'm sorry this happened to you; I'm sorry that your trust was betrayed. Mostly, I'm sorry that you're hurting. I wish you well in getting through this.

  • I already sent you the picture of the cutest puppy in the world. I just want you to get better. I think that's the message all of us have. We care about you, get better.

    My longwinded 'get better' speech was in pythorlh's JE.

    Feel the love, because all of your friends are sending it your way.

  • You know, you watch the occasional TV show where anything like this happens, and you scream at the people who avoid going to the police or are "too afraid" to testify.

    But damn... I'm likely one of the least "involved" people in sol's journalling world (I just read it often). And my carefully considered position went straight out the window.

    Sol, I'm *so* glad that you're involving other people. As in crisis counsellors and close friends, not the unwashed masses like myself and the AC. I can't imagine th
  • Sol, you are a good person, and I admire you a lot... I do so hope that you get better soon!
  • Get well. Get whole.
    While things fall apart, everything that rises must converge.

    I'm finding all of this late in the game (nice case of H.U.A.S. == Head Up Ass Syndrome), but I'm sorry for your pain.

    You let me know if you need anything. Anything.
  • On a desk, in a small room, in a second-story apartment, in a small town, in Maine, for you a candle is lit.
    --
    I wish well-being for you.
    I hope for your peace.

    I wrote [slashdot.org] for you.
  • ::hug::
  • Saying that I am sorry to hear what has happened doesn't seem to cover it.

    Lots of mental hugs and good thoughts in headed your way.

    Just take care of yourself, we'll be here when you come back around.
  • Stone

    Go inside a stone
    That would be my way.
    Let somebody else become a dove
    Or gnash with a tiger's tooth.
    I am happy to be a stone.

    From the outside the stone is a riddle:
    No one knows how to answer it.
    Yet within, it must be cool and quiet
    Even though a cow steps on it full weight,
    Even though a child throws it in a river;
    The stone sinks, slow, unperturbed
    To the river bottom
    Where the fishes come to knock on it
    And listen.

    I have seen sparks fly out
    When two stones are rubbed,
    So perhaps it is not dark inside after
  • I just wanted to send a virtual HUG.
  • I can't say anything more than what has been already said. I'll just send some positive karma your way...
  • I can tell you from personal experience that you will get through this. It will take time, but you will feel good again. Hang in there.
  • Shit, I was afraid it might be something like this, even though I was hoping it wasn't.

    Well, a dumptruck load of bricks for the person who assulted you and another one for the AC troll for not realizing there are real people with real lives behind these names.

    Do whatever you need to do to heal from this. I will second the advice of several others here and reccomend that you speak to someone who is an experienced rape crisis councilor.
  • It's all so sad.

    Sol, don't tell us anymore. You've already shared more than you need to. Don't get me wrong. If it helps you to share it with us, then do so, but don't do it just for our sakes. Most of us don't need so much information, so burdening yourself just to satisfy us isn't a good thing. We've got the gist of it. That's all that we need. Focus on you now.

    Take care.
  • I can only imagine how difficult it was to write that.

    Thank you, for caring so much about all of us, that you would put that JE out there. I think it may have been a costly sacrifice, and I honor you for it.

    I know that you know that we love you in a million ways - but it can't hurt to hear it just one more time. We love and cherish you, and we will all go to the ends of the earth to help you, support you, keep you grounded, if we can figure out that you need it, and we can provide it, we will. We also u
  • ... that you're going to be okay. ... and if there's anything we can do for you.
    You're not okay now, obviously - who would be?

    Know that a lot of people really really like you.
    Wishing you all the best.
    Yuri.
  • I'm a bit late... don't visit here much on the weekends... but we love you Sol. If there's anything you need, let us know... we are all here for you. If it helps you to talk about it, by all means, talk about it. If it does not, then don't feel like you owe anyone here anything-- the most important thing is for you to deal with things however you need to, and remember that those of us who love you will support you in that, no matter how it is you need to deal with it.

  • So that is what I will whish for you.

    You say we're supposed to be educated, to know that such behavior is simply not-done. And in my opinion, it IS not done. But my point is, how many of us people are truely educated? How many of us simply accept rules of society and just hold themselves back because society doesn't accept it otherwise? How many of us grown ups can be tricked into childishness and simply wrong behavior. So many poeple contain so many good intentions, but throw a carrot in front of the

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