Journal SolemnDragon's Journal: Dragon in the kitchen stories 13

It has been noted that a certain someone missed the dragon in the kitchen stories...

So here are some more past things that i have learned about cooking for the holidays.

-Cranberry sauce should never be substituted by scarlet o'haras (southern comfort and cranberry juice) unless you're oke with everyone at the table being blitzed before the end of the main course.

-Instant mashed potatoes CAN be used to thicken gravy. This should be done by mixing some of the powder with some water or milk, and slowly adding this liquid to the gravy. It should NOT be done by allowing a semi-inebriated friend to dump half a box in and wonder why it looks like dumplings.

-should this happen, pour off the remaining gravy, add a little water and put it in the blender. present the mashed potatoes as mashed potatoes with gravy.

-Pineapple can be used to glaze a ham. Pineapple can be used to glaze a tin of spam. Mad poster, this is the spam in a can, not on your computer, and you have to remove it from the tin first. Pineapple can be used to make a pina colada. These activities need to never come in contact with one another.

-peanut butter and chopped peanut garnish are not the same.

-tictacs don't crush well enough to be used on a turkey, but the mint ones aren't bad on a ham.

-Takeout chinese is a perfectly acceptable thanksgiving dinner. In fact, the pilgrims would have ordered it, given half a chance. They were HUNGRY.

-Anyone found attempting to pour alcohol into a pie is required to explain to the other guests what they have done.

-DO NOT attempt to set fire to brandy unless you are the cook. If you are the cook, don't abuse the brandy-incendiary privileges. Do not offer to set fire to people's drinks for a fee. Do not offer to set fire to other dishes for a fee. Yes, the turkey will catch fire if you coat it in alcohol, what exactly did you expect?

-wood grain alcohol burns brightly. Do not attempt to use on food. "Night of the flaming ham," while a great band name and a memorable experience, is not likely to go on the iron chef menu this week.

-Don't use sparklers on food. In particular, don't use sparklers on holiday puddings or fruitcakes or around drinks.

-the flaming ham or turkey should not be used to cook shiskebabs made by impaling parts of other dishes on a skewer.

-pasta is an acceptable quick dish for after the flaming main course has been extinguished, if the chinese place isn't open and nobody wants pizza.

THIS year, i am not doing the cooking, which is good, as i'm now having a much more restricted diet. Frank the chef and i are heading for mum's, where everyone will be on their best behaviour.

more as the situation warrants.

sol