Normally I would troll you, but, frankly, you people are such enormous cowards it's not worth it. It's not that you're scared that disgusts me, it's that you're scared of the boogeyman the government created rather than the boogeyman the government is.

If freedom and courage go hand in hand like they always say, then so do slavery and fear. Do you really like the bars you sealed yourself in with, or do you think maybe it's time you did something to cut them down?

No, I kid. Rap is awesome. What kind of white, suburban kid riding around in his mom's Explorer, looking for a way to fight the oppressive system wouldn't want to rock out to the glorified street fantasies of multi-millionaire superstars wearing expensive knock-offs of low quality Wal-Mart gear?

Million Dollar Rap Stars: SERIOUS BUSINESS

A man and his housemate were arrested in the U.S. after authorities found a 9 year old girl in filthy diapers weighing only 42 pounds.

The real news story, however, is that Ray Lafountain, the "man", is actually a woman. According to the caption under "his" name:

Ray LaFountain's gender classification was changed to female following a strip search.

Here's the story: http://edition.cnn.com/2006/LAW/08/03/starved.girl.ap/index.html. Hit "next" under the photos to see Ray.

Claim to fame, baby. You're on the Internets now.

Ants in yer pants. Would that tickle or burn? And if it tickled, and you enjoyed it, would that be wrong? And what does that say about the old childhood game that Milton Bradley sells?

This story has been submitted for consideration due to its summery content.

Instructions
With the recent upswing of violence in the middle east, many people have been caught off guard. Israelis have been shocked by an unexpected show of power from Hezbollah militants, while the Lebanese have been displaced by huge, sudden waves of violence as the two factions war in the midst of their daily lives.

However, I think we can all agree that those who suffer the most in this type of conflict, regardless of time and place, are the ideologues who did not properly prepare their talking points before hand. As they are left behind in the dust by those who forsaw, or who at least prepared for, this level of violence, I think it is time we step up to the plate and help them in their time of need.

To use one of the pre-approved talking points below, you simply need to identify a discussion, argument, news posting, or endless rehash of the current situation. Once this is accomplished, you can merely copy and paste your position into the next open discussion slot and assure yourself of your supreme victory in the face of more than a half century of diplomatic and military failure.

To begin, simply choose the appropriate ideology below, and go wild (see below for a list of reccommended discussion forums in which these can be most appropriately applied):

Liberalised Ideology
The fact of the matter is that Zionist occupation of free Arab lands has led to a struggle in which aggressive Western powers have backed an occupying force, and Arab fighters have resorted to the only valid, useable tactics they have to defend their lands.

If it were not for European imperialism in the pre-World War II middle eastern theatre, we would not have an Israeli state and the current struggle for dominion over land rights in the region. If it were not for current American imperialism, the West would not be as embroiled in the conflict as it is now, and a resolution could be had.

Conservative Ideology
Although Zionism has compromised some core values of traditional Judaism, this is not justification for the long-standing guerilla war against innocent civilians in the land of Israel. Terrorism is never a valid means to obtain a particular end, and that some Arab elements have so fully embraced it justifies the costs of war.

Though the Israelis must again respond with a measured hand, their very lives depend on the success of their deployment into Lebanese territory. The costs of war can sometimes be great, but as in any war, each side must fend for itself and hold defense of its homeland as the prime objective. Any reasonable military will then make aiding the innocent casualties of that war a secondary objective, and must be allowed to undertake these compassionate actions of their own will and good conscience.

Neocon Ideology
HAAAAA HAAHAHAHAHAA! BURN THEIR VILLAGES TO THE GROUND! ROAST THE WOMEN AND CHILDREN IN THEIR SLEEP, SMASH THE ORPHANAGES, AND UPROOT AND SALT THE EARTH! THE ONLY SALVATION TO BE HAD IS FOR THE GLORIOUS ISRAELI HOLY WARRIORS TO DESTROY THE LANDS OF AGGRESSION AND BUTCHER THE ENEMIES OF WHITENESS IN THEIR HOMES! REPENT SINNERS FOR THE WEST HAS COME TO FREE YOU OF THE OPPRESSION OF LIFE AND RELEIVE YOUR OF THE BURDONESOME TOIL OF YOUR VERY EXISTANCE! MWAAAA HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA!

Reccommended Posting Locations
Generally speaking, it is a good idea to avoid areas that may attract so-called "experts" who may demand they know better than you because they have spent years or decades "studying" or even "living" the trouble you are so cleanly resolving with your insight and tact. Areas where you are likely to never encounter anyone with any knowledge or experience of the issue are scattered all over the web, but prime locations include sites such as Little Green Footballs, Free Republic, Powerline Blog, Daily KOS, Democratic Underground, and random forums that allow for boards involving politics or "open" discussions.

Above all, remember that you are supremely blessed with insight into this issue because you are posting on the Internet, and don't ever let anybody tell you otherwise.

Another site linked with no mirror
BSDs doom, infinitely nearer
Now Mike is gone
He went bye and none too soon
Isn't that the way
Nobody was sad when he got his last pay

I know what nobody knows
With each post I still miss Krow
I know it's another dupe again
But I'm big now, my first post is in

Half my life has been spent emerging linux
Posting here about the M$ menace
You know its true
Even trolls, need karma too

Post quickly, the mod's almost here
Post it if it's funny, post it if it's Fear
Uncertain, Doubt is always near
Maybe tomorrow the astroturfing will be gone

Post on, Post on
Dream a Linux dream come true
Flame on, Pie's Song
Post until your karma's gone
Dream on, dream on, dream on...

Post quickly, the mod's almost here
Post it if it's funny, post it if it's Fear
Uncertain, Doubt is always near
Maybe tomorrow the astroturfing will be gone

The RIAA isn't abusing hardly anybody. Artists who don't make money choose to sign into contracts with them and people choose to buy overpriced music from them.

Evolution really does happen, and there's no amount of lying you can do to change that fact. Even if you did manage to make everybody else as stupid as you, it would still happen.

There aren't any useable WMDs in Iraq (in fact, since we like to get all pedantic about the term "lie" as in "Was the president a filthy lying scumbag out to murder soldiers and innocent civilians when he lied about the threat posed by Iraq", there aren't ANY WMDs in Iraq, because the useless remnants that were found were weapons only in the sense that you could drop them on somebody and crush them, and had the capability for no massive destructions. So, being a pedantic ass about it (e.g. - being a Bush supporter), there were no WMDs in Iraq when we invaded in 2003.

Nobody but you cares about how "smart" your kid is. In fact, if you have to constantly point out how "smart" your kid is, chances are pretty good your kid is an idiot and you're just trying to desperately highlight the occasional peaks in his limited cognition because you don't want to believe your child is too stupid to be successful, but not stupid enough to be a social case.

You have to pay your taxes because they have bigger guns than you. Get over it. There are bigger injustices in the world to deal with first.

The U.S.A. deserves its negative image.

If centuries of legal scholars and professionals can't discern the meaning of the second amendment, neither can you or Charlton Heston. That said, if it doesn't mean what they say it means, it really should.

Linux is not better than Windows. Linux is an inferior to UNIX, and it has a different design goal than Windows. So, basically, it's just a lame UNIX variant, and if you actually cared about the "best" system, you'd use an appropriate BSD-derived OS where you need UNIX, and you'd use Windows if you needed an easy office workstation.

Arrested Development was canceled because most people didn't find it funny, and humor isn't a function of intelligence. We did not understand Arrested Development on a higher level than all our "idiot" countrymen, we just find different things funny than they do, and we don't hold the majority of cash.

Likewise, nerdy shows like Firefly and Farscape were canceled because our tastes are in the minority, not because our IQs are.

Nobody worth worrying about cares if you foe them. Foe me, I don't care. You'll appear to me in icon form like a small, round turd. Congratulations.

You don't deserve free TV. You pay the cable company a fee for the service of collecting and retransmitting a large number of TV signals. You don't pay that for the shows you watch, commercials pay for the shows you watch. By skipping them, you're effectively cheating the station out of not just its fairly earned profit (if it wasn't fair, you wouldn't see enough value in the proposition to tune in) but also the money it needs to make more shows.

You're not really smarter than the people who's computers you fix, you're just not smart enough to explain things to them in a way that is conducive to learning, so they don't understand what you're talking about.

HBI is gonna send the death squads after me! Oh noes! I should run and join Witness Protection straight away. I've been threatened with death squads over the Internet! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

In a press release on its website Friday, AMD (down .23 to .021 per share) announced a new partnership with the Direct Marketing Association.

In the statement the world's leading potato chip maker made mention of upcoming DRM initiatives and suggested that the DMA would play a critical role in establishing a Digital Rights Management foothold on the AMD consumer platform.

"By infecting direct marketing pieces with intelligent nanobots, we can utilize standard bulk mailing techniques to efficiently distribute modifications to AMD products, allowing content providers - or any other malicious individual - to seize cconsumer machines and demand exhorbitant ransom monies".

It was unclear what, specifically, AMD plans to use to make the necessary wafer-level changes, or what the ultimate goal of this intiative is, although a marketing piece leaked later in the day may give an indication of where AMD plans to take this technology.

Civil rights advocates, speaking from their Free Speech Zones in Guantanemo Bay, Cuba, were quick to respond, although rubber bullets fired by U.S. Freedom Forces quickly silenced their complaining.

Company Profile
AMD is an international processor of styrofoam packing peanuts. Founded in 1773, AMD initially gained its footing selling mechanized body armor to Northern troops in the Civil War, effectively turning the tide against Hitler's invading army.

To this day, AMD is the widely recognized leader of foam-based processors and endless, largely factless press releases on their slashdot accounts.

These people are cowards and buffoons, and the stink of a million ages is easily overpowered by the disgusting stench of moral and intellectual failure rising from their yellow bones.

How's your day goin'?

Given the variable x:
 
Let x = .9! (.9 repeating)
10x = 9.9!
10x - x = 9
  10x - x == 9x
 
Therefore 9x = 9
 
Solving by division gives:
x= 1
 
Therefore, 1 = .9!

This is just one of many logical, mathematical and procedural paradoxes which liberals use to trick "uneducated" people into listening to their rhetoric when they discuss sciences as if they are facts, rather than estimations. If science cannot even define a number system sufficient to resolve such simplistic paradoxes as this, how can it be assumed that science can provide us with more complicated notions like "The Big Bang" with any sort of accuracy?

Please post this to your friends, relatives, and on message boards. Science has done much good for the world, but it's time that it be taken back from the secularists who would use it to deny the will of God at work in our world with such snake-oil trickery.