Dearest friends,

This "research" is nothing more than a cleverly-disguised plot to play God and create life. I must remind you all that God has given every one of you a unique soul which defines who you are...these self-healing machines have no such thing. The engineers who made this should consider the implications the technology will have on them in the next life, and halt the production of this anti-God and anti-Christian technology.

Sincerely,
Jake

My Christian Comrades,

The Lord tells us that wives should submit to their husbands, and He granted men their greater ability to do math and science to help enforce this view. All of the neo-Nazi bra-burning feminists who wish to bridge this so-called "gap" are merely trying to undermine the Christian values of our nation. This is the way things are supposed to be, so there is no "gap."

Sincerely,
Jake

My fellow-believer,

Despite the less-than-Christian wording of the title of your comment, I must agree with your overall sentiment. It pains me that during the season of Christ's birth, consumers are complaining of a shortage of a material luxury when there are so many people who lost loved-ones and the basic necessities they need to survive because of the flooding. My prayers go out to those affected and those who wanted Santa to bring them that extra 10TB RAID 0+1 array; may the Lord provide the former with what they need, and may the latter be cured of their addiction to pornography.

Your respectful peer,
Jake

My friends in the Word,

These atheist-backed scientists have surely fabricated these so-called "sleeping mats," as it is clearly outlined in the Bible that God created Adam and Eve 5,000 years ago. Note that I am not questioning the existence of these mats, as these could have possibly BEEN used by Adam or one of his descendants after being thrown out of Eden, I am questioning the "evidence" of their age from the so-called "carbon-dating" process. I wish these scientists well with their work and pray that they will break free from the yoke of grants from godless individuals and governments.

Your friend,
Jake

Friends,

I don't understand these companies' hesitance when deciding to do business with US-based companies. Sure, the data may need to be seen by the government, but we aren't China; the data will be kept safe while our researchers are doing God's work by looking for pedophiles, rapists, and terrorists. Perhaps they could even insert biblical references into the cloud, in order to spread the Word to those who would not otherwise hear it.

Your Friend,
Jake

My fellow prayer-warriors,

While God granted us stewardship over the Earth and all of its creatures, we must prioritize what gets our attention. The economic mess in Europe and our most blessed USA is taking our attention away from what is most important in life--devotion to God! We must devote ourselves to saving the everlasting souls of those who do not know Him; after all, Hellfire and damnation is eternal!

Your Shepherd,
Jake

Comrades in Christ,

I object to the term 'everlasting' as used in any form other than describing God Himself. When we interject powerful, all-reaching words such as this into casual, everyday conversation, we dilute the meaning so that our minds can no longer comprehend the intended meaning. Everlasting should mean forever, not 400,000. God is everlasting; these batteries, however, are not.

Your friend,
Jake

My Brothers and Sisters in Christ,

This man is working to remove software which can be used to identify pedophiles, rapists, and other ungodly characters which are plaguing this nation. He should be brought to justice for undermining our government's attempt to keep our land free and Christian. I propose that we take this software a step further, and have it display a random Bible verse on bootup of the device, in order to spread Christ's message to the unsaved.

God bless,
Jake

Friends,

Our children are being exposed to the trash on the internet at younger and younger ages, and it is time to stop. Their bodies grow to unhealthy weights while their moral compasses shrivel. We must restrict their access to technology until they are old enough to handle it. Thankfully, our dual-party system has come together to propose government filtering of the internet in the form of SOPA. This will help parents who are too tech-illiterate to shield their kids from the dangers of the internet.

Your Brother,
Jake

With all the Godless people running around our country doing terrible things, we shouldn't be putting our focus on reaching the heavens--it was tried before with the Tower of Babel and God smited those who tried to reach him! Clearly, He wants us to put our focus here on Earch to do His will.
NASA's budget last year was $17 BILLION! IMAGINE what we could do in our country if we repurposed it for our churches! The Good Will which would be spread would undoubtedly end all crime, poverty, and infidelity in our most blessed US of A.
Your Brother in Christ,
Jake

This doesn't surprise me at all. God chooses for us what we can and can't remember, and it is through His will that our memories come to us in the time we need them most. Yours in Christ, Jake