I had a ham & cheese sandwich and a salad (again) for lunch yesterday; I had 6 cookies as well. My ass has decided that ~5:30am is pooping time. This morning's poop took some work to get going. This turd was odd in the fact that it wasn't cylinder shaped, but like a ribbon. It was flattened and about 6" long and looked fiberous. The turd was a medium brown and had a healthy earth smell to it. Clean up took a few extra passes and it flushed easily. I rate it an 8.

The binding effects of the Percocets has passed. (pun not intended) Yesterday, I had a ham and cheese sandwich on rye bread and a small salad. I also had a craving for milk and drank a half gallon after work. I was awoken at 5am by my cat meowing by my head. I woke up, rolled over and started to let a 'Good Morning' fart. I felt a gurgling and welling up in my gut. "That's no fart", I thought to myself as I hopped up and staggered into the bathroom half awake. Everything seems to have

There is something up with a muscle in my upper leg; the pain is like a punishment from God. My doc perscribed Percocet for me; they tend to bind me up. I hadn't pooped for almost 2 days and this morning the pain in my gut was unbearable. In the past days I had eaten the buffet at Charlie Chang's, a roll-up from Harris Teeter's, 2 cheeseburgers from McD's, and 2-3 pounds of red, seedless grapes. This sat in my gut, like a lead weight. Sitting on the can was painful as the muscle is very

Yesterday, I had blue crabs and steamed, spiced shrimp from the DC Wharf. I had a bit of tea this morning and that got my ass in gear, as it were. I also had a craving for milk for some reason, I must have drank a gallon of it yesterday. Anyway, this mornings turd started w/o any assistance, but there was a bit of pushing towards the middle. It went quick and there was no gas. I have a touch of a cold, so I can't give a good report on the smell. the turd itself was very loose, but not d

Many of my fans and friends have asked me various questions during my stint as The Turd Report. I would like to take some time and answer those questions. The fisrt qusetion I would like to answer is: "What is the correct way to wipe?"

Wiping is a critical part of the excremeditation ritual that is performed every day. Having the correct wiping style helps you to have a clean and odor-free butt.