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Television

Journal GMontag's Journal: The Daytona 500 if covered by ABC News 2

See this for the real story

Charles Gibson: Welcome to Daytona Florida, home of miles and miles of trailer parks and the Daytona 500! Chewing tobacco is much easier to find here than a Manhattan Martini, but we have been enduring these hardships to bring you the Daytona 500 LIVE!

This is a first for this network, so we will try to bring you the most informative and thrilling coverage this race has ever had.

The 49th running of this race has been fraught with sorrow for Michael Waltrip and Toyota Racing. For the first time in the history of NASCAR penalties have been imposed at the implication of . . . CHEATING!

Once known as the cleanest sport on earth, the Japanese newcomer to this sport, Toyota, has been docked with a 100 driver point fine, 100 owner point fine, a suspended crew chief and even more expected to follow. It is no surprise that when the foreigners arrived from the orient, the inspectors arrived in spades.

Now Toyota is the 1919 Chicago Black Sox of racing and Waltrip is the Sammy Sousa of NASCAR.

Dick Button, how are things going in the pits?

Dick Button here, hello NASCAR fans! We are still trying to find the shed, don't they call these places sheds? Anyway, we are trying to find Jeff Gordon and his people. Our friends in Washington, DC at the Eagle affectionately call Jeff Gordon the Michelle Kwan of NASCAR. He certainly has the most colorful outfit. Do they get points for that too? We are looking forward to seeing him.

This is a new experience for us. It is amazing how a racing track has sprung up around this giant trailer park! I really don't see what the big deal is of watching cars drive in circles, but to each his own . . .

[Gibson interrupts] Dick, don't you cover speed skating too?

Only when they tickle me with a feather! HEHEHE!

Just between you and me, I think that the racing people have packed this area with "ringers" as it were. So many have the most perfect teeth! Many jokesters here too. I was asking one of them who his favorite driver was and he said Dick Trickle! Can you believe it! HAHAHA! I had no idea that this bunch would recognize a figure skating reporter like me and know an inside joke too, but there you have it!

Gibson: Thank you for that splendid report from the infield, Dick.

[Continue for six hours and interrupt the last lap of the race for an update on the Hillary Clinton fundraiser]

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The Daytona 500 if covered by ABC News

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