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Lord of the Rings

Journal FirstNoel's Journal: Thanks, and I mean it too.. 8

Journal by FirstNoel

It's now Sunday, 1:42 PM according to the Waste Management Clock on the wall. (Free clock night at the Senators game couple years ago).

Things for me are healing, but I'm the Dad, I suspected they would heal faster. I'm getting through the day with less crying and more living. Amy is a rougher, she questioning everything, did we do the right thing, did the doctors do all the could, why we didn't do anything last week...hindsight is 20/20. I keep trying to convince her that it's not her fault. I'm quickly realizing, a father's logic is no match for a mother's guilt.

There's a bereavement group in at the Hospital, right now I think we maybe the only one who will be going. But maybe if we do, others with losses will show up too. Here's me being objective again.

There's also a counselor (spelling) we used to see, I'm going to try for an appointment with him as well. She needs to speak to more people than me, and I need to know what to say when it's just us. I'm a comp Sci major, she was the psychology major. Knowing the Big O time of a Quicksort ain't helping.

I should wrap this up for now. I let her rest for a while, I should doing some checking.

Sean

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Thanks, and I mean it too.. More

Thanks, and I mean it too..

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  • Remember this, women are feelers, men are fixers. When she says she feels bad, your first instinct is to try to fix it. That's not what she's looking for. Likely she wants to hear, "I know honey, I hurt too." She wants her feelings validated. Sure, make sure she knows it was not her fault, but make sure she knows you feel the same way about this as she does. From what you've said, you are doing this already, so just keep it up. Only time can heal this, you just have to make sure she knows more than e
    • Good words from the TL man. I also wanted to quote the Bible (I think its in Daniel... back me up TL or anyone else who is a bible thumper) that says something to the tune of 'I knew you while you were in the womb.'

      Death is an unfortunate part of life. Usually when death occurs, the best thing to do is cherish the life and reflect on it. Although, your son didn't have much time, he definately touched two people very deeply even before he met them...

      I can't even imagine what you are going through, so
  • Such a loss is not only a loss to you and your wife, but to the world as well. As we are each unique, we touch others in unique ways. When I look at who I am/who I have become, I see the many influences of others, unbeknownst to them, that I've admired and took to incorporating into me, or that have just made an indelible impression on me. It's a loss to the many that now will never get a chance to cross paths with him. In this life, at least.

    My pastor spoke about passing, a few Sundays ago. Why did God tak
  • Talking is key.

    My sister-in-law lost her baby after 40 weeks + 2 days. Emily Grace. We planted a tree for her.

    Unfortunately, she doesn't think she needs a support group, coupled with her previous split with her family. She's basically little more than a hate-filled ball of anger right now and my wife is tired of trying to call her to draw her out.

    Worse, I don't think (in fact I know) her 'man' is not up to the task.

    OTOH, regardless of your 'major', you and Amy will be fine. You don't need to be a psych
  • My son died nearly 4 years ago. I'm sorry to say the pain never goes away completely. I also know that nothing anyone can say will make it suck any less. You have my permission to ignore and/or punch anyone who uses the phrase "move on" or begins a sentence with "at least...".

    Take care of yourself and your wife. You'll be in our thoughts and prayers.
  • I keep trying to convince her that it's not her fault. I'm quickly realizing, a father's logic is no match for a mother's guilt.

    You got that right :-)

    My wife had a lot of issues (may still, but they don't get discussed so much now) about "how could my body do this to my baby", because it was a uterine rupture. We both occasionally look at each other and shake our heads about how hard we tried NOT to go into early labor (so that she would not be risked out of the alternate birthing rooms with the tub etc),

  • This is not my native language, and even if it were, I wouldn't find the right words anyway. I'm with you in my thoughts.

    I don't remember where I heard that, but it went like "A child that loses its parents is an orphan. But what do you call parents who lose their child? Maybe there isn't a word for it because there are things that are so horribly bad you can't even find a word for them."

    I'm a father of two myself. Niklas, my first child, my first son, was born dead and revived. We were lucky. But I'll neve

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