Paravirtualization Is...
10) The chute that would have saved you if you were skydiving in a videogame instead of real life
9) The thing that safely brings a soldier from the aircraft to the ground after freefall, if we were in a pretend war
8) The feeling you get when you're dreaming about your last vacation to Tahoe in the summer when you were attached to a large kite being pulled through the air by a boat
7) An error in the space-time continuum that will ultimately lead to the end of all virtual life as we know it
6) When someone's health is improved by, not an emergency medic, but a mirror image of one that appears when the server goes down
5) When you can't even afford to speak to an attorney's assistant, so you consult a virtual one instead
4) When someone dies and comes back to haunt you in virtual realities
3) Virtualization without the use of its legs
2) The psychological investigation into the phenomena that is Tron

And Number One in the Paravirtualization Countdown is...
1) When a vicious website (unnamed) attaches itself to a host and sucks the life out of it

"If elected, I will demand that my credability remain untouchable, especially when I am stubbornly unflappable and clearly against the grain. And furthermore, you will agree to re-elect me even if I deserved to be impeached in the first term for violating the rights of our blindly patriotic citizens. Once re-elected I promise to continue to make the wrong choices and do the exact opposite that anyone with an inkling of intelligence would do. You will elect me solely on my boyish charm and average, 'everyman' qualities."

-Jeff for President!

"Sometimes I feel like terrorists are in my backyard trying to kill my family, but when I look out the window I do not see them. Now as we all know, just because you can't see something doesn't mean it isn't there. So, my approach is to close my eyes and imagine that I'm in the middle of the action in Iraq. And even though I've never had military training in reality, I'm a freakin' Army Commando in my mind and I know what the enemy is thinking because I'm practically the God of War. So I've been camping out in my backyard, shooting at the invisible enemy beyond the fences. And occassionally I've slipped into the enemy's domain while they were away and I've stolen their phone records and checked their computer logs. I've discovered that the enemy is in fact my opponent in the candidacy for President! Shocking, I know! But as the official Army Commando of my own backyard, I legally obtained damning evidence that my opponent not only visits porn sites, but he also has something that roughly resembles a weapon of mass destruction designed in the shape of a satellite dish behind his house."

-Jeff for President!

"I'll do what I can while I am able to do so, but when the lifetime of that opportunity has passed I shall not waiver in my ability to move on and decidedly no longer do what I can no longer do. And let me make perfectly clear, allowing no room for misinterpretation, that in declaring this I am not saying at the point I am no longer able to do something that I am thereby 'disabled', but rather I will merely be incapacitated in that small, minute, insignificant way - even though I shall still claim 'disability' with the state, as to make sure that I am, by definition, justly compensated for my lack of ability in that respect."

-Jeff for President!

"At night I pee on the side of the bowl as to not wake anyone up. The necessary side-effect is a wet toilet seat waiting for my wife's next visit."

-Jeff for President!