I'll just say up front that I am avidly anti-death penalty. I find the practice barbaric, expensive, unnecessary and hypocritical. It disgusts me to hear "christian conservatives" talk about how important the death penalty is in deterring crime and in the next sentence discuss the sanctity of life. If you are going to use biblical ideology as the basis of an argument, please don't twist it. Thou shalt not kill doesn't have a disclaimer at the end saying "Thou shalt not kill unless thou are a government agency."

There. That said, take a look at this:

Particularly, this quote: "At no point are we not going to value the sanctity of life," said prison spokesman Vernell Crittendon. "We would resuscitate him," then execute him.

This is in reference to Mr. Allen requesting to not be resuscitated were he to have another heart attack.

I see that the "then execute him" is not in quotes and was likely added by CNN for effect, however it's the same thing. They "value the sanctity of life" enough to resuscitate a dying man, rather than let him die of natural causes. They "value the sanctity of life" enough to kill him by their own hands.

I sometimes find myself asking where God is, and why He doesn't show himself in more obvious ways to the sick, sad lost people here.

Today is Trmj's 22nd birthday. To celebrate him, below is a list of 22 awesome things about him. This list is by no means complete, as I can think of a thousand reasons why he is amazing. It's just the first 22 that came to my head.

-The dimple on his right cheek when he smiles.

-The way he's always right, even when he's completely and obviously wrong.

-The fact that we've been together for 5 months, and I've only heard him yell once... and I've deserved it way more than that.

-He stands up for people who need to be stood up for because they're too afraid or think they're too weak to stand up for themselves.

-He protects me in subtle and sometimes not so subtle ways.

-The way he walks with an almost undetectable limp... it looks like a saunter, and is absolutely awesome.

-He actually CAN kick my ass at almost any available video game.

-He teaches others as he learns.

-He's not afraid to learn and grow.

-Every day is an adventure.

-He almost always knows the right thing to say.

-I've never once been afraid to tell him what I'm thinking.

-He listens, rather than waiting for his turn to speak.

-He's completely oblivious to social nuances, and as such doesn't get sucked into other people's games.

-He's loyal. Incredibly so. This cannot be stressed enough.

-BEST HUGGER EVAR.

-Rather than feeling sorry for me for being unhealthy, he plays an active role in trying to get me healthy.

-He CARES. About every one of you, more than any of you probably realize.

-He has hopes and dreams, and he doesn't mind sharing them with me.

-He knows how to enjoy silence.

-He likes potato chips and ice cream for dinner.

-He's the single most honest and sincere person I've ever known.

Happy Birthday, Trmj. Hearts.

I got a nice surprise from my mom yesterday... two plane tickets home! So Trmj and I will be paying a visit to the much warmer climate of the Southern Outer Banks of NC from Feb 6th to the 11th. Hooray!

I had intended to sit down and write a year in review type of post, looking back at 2005 and recapping events. However, I decided not to do so, as everything that happened is now in the past and is no longer pertinent. Instead, I welcome 2006, and look forward to a year of growth, happiness and love. I love my friends. I'm growing faster every day now than I ever have before. I have actual glimmers of happiness now... I've never had any before. 2006 is looking promising. Here's to a painless year! Also, today was day 1 of no smoking. Go me!

Yesterday was one of those increasingly rare (for me) days where I was just sad and angry for no reason. I went through the list of things going on, but could find nothing that was really bothering me. I'm concerned about something, but it's not that big of a deal, and it wasn't what had me all emo yesterday. Tom said sometimes you just have emo days, and that it's ok.

But I'm sad today. And I don't know why. I'm hurting inside for no apparant reason. Go me.

Dear Creepy Subway Guy,

I figure I should introduce myself, since I got to know you in ways I never wanted to today. I'm Pezstar. Hi! How's it going?

We first met at Downtown Crossing. I was transferring from the Red Line. You were looking for a cute girl who was all alone and in a hurry. It must have been fate! You bumped into me and smiled with your creepy subway guy eyes. I mumbled something about it being ok and continued to my usual bench. You stood a few feet away and hummed a song. How sweet! You serenaded me at our first meeting!

When the train came, I got on before you. The train was empty, with only about 10 people on it. But that didn't mean it had to be the end of our meeting... no way! Rather than sit all alone in one of the many empty seats (there were even end seats available!), you chose to sit right next to me. Not only did you sit next to me, you pushed yourself up against me, crowding me tight against the little metal divider thing next to the door. Thanks!

In the roughly 40 seconds between Downtown Crossing and State, you "accidentally" brushed your hands against my breasts three times. Unless you have Parkinson's Disease, you are one talented man. Go you, creepy subway guy.

I just want to apologize for elbowing you in the stomach after your third accidental brushing of my breasts. Like I said, I'm sure it was an accident, and I can still feel your arm on my left tit, and it's been an hour and a half, so eww. The good news, though, is that when I elbowed you, I glanced over at your lap. Boy am I glad I did that because, as every girl knows, you can never see too many penises.

I got off the train at State because, quite frankly, you were creeping me the hell out, and I was having a bit of a panic attack. But that wasn't the end of our encounter, creepy subway guy... you got off with me! You had me in your sights for a few minutes, but I fooled you, and when the next train came, I got on one car and you got on another. Oh well. Game over.

Until we meet again,

Freaked out subway girl

They say there's one in every family. In mine, there are 4.

My brother hasn't had the best adult life. When he was 19, he had consentual sex with a 15 year old. It was one of the rare statutory rape cases that was prosecuted, and he spent 19 months in prison for it. The catch is that he waited a year and a half for a trial, and during that time, he started dating Stephani, married her, and pregnancy ensued.

Stephani is a very, very good person. She stood by my brother Steven. She took the baby to the prison on Sundays to visit. She worked her ass off for 19 months to support herself, pay the mortgage, pay everything in a really affluent, expensive town that just so happens to be filled with rednecks. She is better than that... she always has been. She somehow had the misfortune to fall in love with my brother.

Steven got out of prison last January. Things were great with he and Steph until about June. He stopped working and wouldn't hold a job for more than a month. Steph was again paying for everything. Steven kicked his drinking up a notch. He slept with Stephani's little sister.

Steph insisted that they see a counselor. He agreed, and they worked through that one. Steph found out she was pregnant, and had a second baby this June. Sarah is her name, and I can't wait to meet her. Unfortunately, http://www.jacksonvilledailynews.com/SiteProcessor.cfm?Template=/GlobalTemplates/Details.cfm&StoryID=34254&Section=News Happened. Stephani was cleared of everything, the baby was not taken away, and the courts ruled that she was extremely stressed out and ordered counselling. She still goes.

Enter Tuesday Night. My brother went out and got drunk. Steph came to pick him up and take him home. Steven got violent, and dragged her 150 feet from the car to the house by her hair. He punched her in the face hard enough to break her cheek bone, and his hand. Basically, he beat the shit out of her.

She left. Thank god. Took the babies and went to her parents house and is vowing to never go back. She filed charges and a restraining order. Nothing will happen until Jan. 3rd, when the judges get back, as they are all on vacation. She was told that she can't get the order until then. Steven was told by a policeman friend not to turn himself in until then because there is no one to issue bail. (My dad took him in last night... if Steph can't get an order until then, my family did the right thing and made sure that Steven didn't have a way to get near her.)

Basically, I come from a family of hicks. Until yesterday, I mourned this, hid from it and pretended it didn't exist. But I've changed my mind! Instead, I'm going to celebrate it, and laugh my ass off at it, because at this point, these people don't want to help themselves anymore, and let's face it... rednecks are funny.

My sister- Jessica. 22 Years old. 7 DUIs at this point, 5 of them before her 21st birthday. She hasn't had a car or license for years, so she drives around collecting DUIs on her moped. Mannish lesbian. That's no problem for me, by the way, just part of who she is being described. Tattoo sleeves all the way up her arms. Thinks she looks like Eminem: http://www.royb.org/~pezstar/jess.jpg .

Brother #2- Greg. A bit on the slow side. Married a white trash skank named Brandy, had 2 kids. Kid number one is not his, per the paternity test taken a few months back. Actual father of kid #1 is Greg's STEPFATHER. Yes. His wife slept with her father in law, got pregnant, and now Greg's son is his brother.

So there ya go. Meet my family.

All things considered, I'm in a pretty darn good mood today. I've been feeling good lately as a whole!

I'm proud of myself. I'm actively working toward bettering myself, and the added bonus that I didn't expect is that my self-esteem is rising at the same time. I've lost 20 pounds since about Sept. I have a job, and will *gasp* get a paycheck tomorrow. Holy crap, money that I earned! I'm a productive member of society!

I have a solid list of goals and I plan to check them off, one by one. I have a boyfriend who is also my best friend. It doesn't get any better than that. (Did I ever tell you how awesome trmj is? Because he's awesome. Really awesome.)

Basically, this entry was fluff. But hey. I feel pretty good.

It has been a really good day! Disclaimer: By day I mean 2 days. /disclaimer.

Last night Tom and I went and saw Tally Hall. This was one of the best shows I've ever been to, and they're coming BACK! Mid January, they will be in Cambridge. We are definitely going. We also got free swag! We each got one t-shirt, and they tried to give us each an additional one, but I declined the second. Tom didn't and he got a clever shirt reading "Don't not listen to Tally Hall." I felt bad for taking their swag for free... I know that bands playing in small bar venues don't make more than a pittance... their money comes from merchandise. Had we more money, we would have actually bought stuff. Oh, and we got in for free too! YAY TALLY HALL!

Enter today! I went to work. That was neat. I got off early, and Tom met me in Central Square so I could get boots! I keep missing the shuttle bus to work and having to walk a mile. I don't really mind the walk, as I'm not a morning person and it tends to wake me up, but I DO mind that it's in the snow in an area where the sidewalks have not been salted. Neither have the roads for that matter.

So my shoes get full of cold and wet and it's a less than ideal situation. I also slipped on the ice twice today and scraped up one of my knees pretty well. I was wearing my brace so my wrist is fine. So now I have boots! They're not as awesome as, say, a pair of Docs, but they will do. Honestly, I'm really grateful to have them. After the last couple of mornings, I'm able to appreciate them.

Things with my family are going a bit better. My mom got over being devastated that we can't really afford the trip home for Christmas and offered to pay for it. I thought about the offer for awhile and opted to decline it, and stay here instead. Tom and I could both really use the few extra days of work right now. We should be much better off in a month, so we are going to try to do it at the end of January. I'm pretty sad about the whole thing... I miss my mom a lot. I still call her every day, and we're quite close. But soon enough.

She is having surgery tomorrow. She has some sort of mass in her uterus. It's apparantly benign, but still... she didn't tell me about it until Sunday. She found out three weeks ago. I'll grant her that I am a notorious worrier and that is a valid excuse, but if I didn't tell her about something that major with my body, she'd be livid.

Nonetheless, I will try my best to make the most out of Christmas up here away from my family. Tom pointed out that a family is a group of people you love and that blood doesn't mean much, and that I more or less have a family up here, whether I realize it or not. Perhaps he's right, but I still miss my mommy.

I called Breyer's this morning to inquire as to whether or not their extra creamy vanilla ice cream contained gluten. They REFUSED to tell me, stating that for liability reasons, in case the ingredients changed, they can't discuss which products do or do not contain gluten, but by reading the label ingredients, I should be able to ascertain that myself if I've had Celiac's Disease for more than a few weeks.

Excuse me?

I fired off a rather angry email to their customer service people and asked how I can be expected to just psychic-ally know whether the annatto coloring they use contains gluten or not, as not all do.

Grr. It's my understanding that very shortly companies will be required by federal law to state on their labels whether a product contains gluten or not. But the attitude of Breyer's just pisses me off.

Who plans to be in the greater Boston area for Christmas and would possibly be interested in having a bit of a get together?

Once financial stability is regained and useless gadgetry can again be purchased, this is at the top of my list:

http://www.pezmp3.com/

Man, do ever want that. Talk about awesome. For those who don't know, I'm an absolute Pez freak. I even have a pez tattoo. Picture here: http://www.royb.org/~pezstar/Pict0012.JPG .

It's the weekend! Next week looks promising, and as long as Trmj and I both work every day next week (also looks promising) we will be able to afford to go home to NC for Christmas. If not, then we can't, but I refuse to even entertain that thought, and I deserve to see my family, so the world isn't allowed to be cruel this time. I declare it illegal.

How're you all?

It's my fault, Tom and I'm sorry. Look over at me. It's 1:30 in the afternoon, and instead of being at work, I'm sitting here. I can give you a thousand reasons why I'm not at work, but when it all comes down to it, I could have walked into a job at a shitty burger factory and at least brought home SOMETHING. So I'm sorry. I really am. I love you, and I'm really sorry. I look back at my life... I've been self-sufficient since I was 16. I haven't been for about 2 months now and it's shitty, and ultimately, it's my own fault. Now it's the 6th of the month and rent was due 6 days ago, and we're a little on the fucked side. I'll disappear back to my old house with my old roommates and stop destroying your life now. I'm so, so, sorry.

Dear Self, Grow the hell up. Your issues mean nothing in the grand scope of things. -Jenn

On our way out of town on Wednesday, Tom and I saw what I was certain was a crazy girl standing in Central Square, wearing next to nothing, holding a sign reading "Need $ for boob job". We figured it was a dare or a sorority prank.

I'm an avid farker. I check fark about 6,000 times a day. Fark gave me my answer.

http://www-tech.mit.edu/V125/N57/DM0557.html

In other news, for the last several days, I've changed my philosophy from "Say what you want, when you want" to "WWSD". WWSD stands for What Would Solemn Do. It started when Tom's mother expressed disgust at the sweater I intended to wear to Thanksgiving dinner and picked out and purchased a new one for me. My first instinct was to be offended and bitchy about it. But just before I let loose, I thought "Hmm. That's never gotten me anywhere. What would Solemn do?" I smiled, thanked her graciously, and wore the sweater to thanksgiving dinner. Instead of having my boyfriend's mother hate me for being rude, she likes me, and I have a pretty new sweater. All I had to do to get the pretty sweater was smile and wear it.

The same philosophy works well with other things. Instead of being angry that I can't have sticky buns, I can learn to make my OWN sticky buns. Instead of being an outright bitch to the plethora of girls in Doylestown, PA who made it blatantly clear over the Thanksgiving holiday that they want my boyfriend and are not happy to meet me, I smiled, took his hand and held my head up high. With a particularly determined girl, i just reached over and played with Tom's hair while conversing with her about Universities in North Carolina in a natural tone of voice. It is quite possible to say "MY BOYFRIEND" without being confrontational. The added bonus of this is that no one can say "Tom, your girlfriend is a bitch," because I wasn't!

So yes. I think WWSD is a fine philosophy to keep my big mouth from getting me in trouble, and maybe a little healthier too. So thanks, Solemn!

The family visiting for Thanksgiving isn't going to happen. Trmj's boss royally SCREWED him on his last paycheck, and there's just no way. Honestly, at this point even rent is questionable, much less a trip. Christmas is probably not going to happen either. I am not going to cry. I swear.