Alrighty... Got myself a livejournal last night, which I've been hoping to get my hands on for a while. I've got a good friend who gave me an livejournal number to use, yay! :)

Thinking of just using my livejournal from hereon, but not sure... I mean, it's hard enough to push myself to write in ONE journal... Well, not hard, I just never think to write in it, once I start it's no worries... I've just never been that kind of person, that's all.

Feeling a lot better today... My boss decided to come good around lunchtime yesterday... I guess it's just because I'm good friends with him too, I don't want to let him down... especially with stupidity on a forklift :P

Well... Apparantly I have a date tomorrow, with this really cool chick too... Haven't met her yet, but we've been talking for a coupla months, and she's fucken rad with a capital K. K-Rad. Indeed. I dunno, she's just hell fun hey... Helps keep my mind off crap at work, and a bloody laugh too... We're silly together, and it's fun. :)

It's kinda funny, I've been hanging around with all these female's lately, yet, nothing is going anywhere, relationship-wise... Not that I want it to or anything, I'm really unsure at this stage, but it just feels weird for me because it's something I'm not used to. It's good though... I'm finally learning more about myself and finding out who I am... After all, if I can't do that, who can..? What's really good about all this is how many rad new friends I'm making :)

Ok, well, I am at work, so I'd better go look busy... or something. ;)

- T.

P.S. Oh yeah, if I end up using my livejournal, I'll post the link here... Just in case anyone is really interested in reading all about what goes on in my life and my head. :P

Ok, so it's been a little while since my last entry... Shit has been up and down as usual... I never have a stable day. Aaaaah, stability... Wish I knew what that was like.

So I finally got my baby back, in all her glory. She's all resprayed, the panel beater was pretty cool too... Apart from the fact that my interior was all wet, but that's all fixed up now. Kinda happy to have her back after so long... Just need the engine looked at now.

My new job is pretty kick arse... And I've got more work with them next week! Heaps better than this hellhole (Yeah, I'm back here for a few days). Fuck it. Rant time. See, I was left here last night to load up a truck... Mind you, I don't have a forklift license or anything and at no other place would I be expected to stay back and do this, because I'm not qualified to be on that fucking thing. But you see, I'm a nice bloke, so I decide to hang back for everyone, truck is running late. Right. Everyone can go home, AK will stay back for an hour while he waits for this damn truck. Truck shows up, and I go to load him up. Now, the roll-a-door isn't high enough, and the forklift gives it a good whack, not too bad, but bad enough. Ok, right... Here I am, pissed off enough with myself for doing it and knowing I'll cop a spray for it. I come in the next morning, which is now, and boss gets cut about it. Fair enough, that I can understand. Then I get told that the repairs are coming out of my wage. Like, fuck that... I swear people just think I can afford anything... Even people who know what money problems are like, and it really aint fair... Not when I'm struggling this bad...

Sometimes drugs feel like the only way out you know... It's just so damn easy to live in a fantasy world... And I could live in that fantasy world forever, I really could... Imagine a place where you couldn't get hurt... Imagine a place where noone places judgement on you for who you are... A place where everyone can just sit back and be happy.

I want more drugs dammit. (Bet you'd never hear me say that... ha. right.)

We'll never have a happy place like that... We call it utopia. But without bad how can we have good? Someone's gotta be the shit-sponge, right?

I just wish it'd stop being me.

- T.

<rant>
God damn, god damn. No car yet. "WTF is going on?" I ask myself. GHA! I WANT MY CAR!
Apparantly it's almost done, and it should be done tomorrow or Monday, but geez... It's been like, 7 weeks already!!! AAAAGHR!!!
</rant>

For fucks sake. Sure. I got the IT job. But for some people that just aint good enough. Apparantly my uncle went ahead and told my cousin who helped get me the interview that "I have a drug problem"

I mean for crying out loud, this has been happening for way too fucking long... Really... It just simply feels like noone can trust me to make my own decisions. I'm 21 now, but you'd swear I was 2.1. It's like everyone has to hold my hand with absolutely everything... Drug and Alcohol intake, the way I drive, when I should or shouldn't be doing certain things... Far out, people were even telling me what i should do in my job interview before I had it. Like, if I wanted peoples opinions on things like this I'd ask... In the meantime I just wish someone would give me a chance so I could show them...

I know people care about me and want to see me get ahead in life and all, and they don't want to see me hurt myself... But I'm not the only one like this. There are plenty more people out there who do what I do, and they get left alone about it. Probably because they're not so fucking honest with anyone. I just feel like screaming "People, this is who I am, and this is the way I'll always be... Like it or lump it because I'm not prepared to change for anyone!"; Really... If I wouldn't change for someone I loved so dearly a little while ago, what makes anyone think I'll change for anyone else..?

Maybe one day someone will realise that if they leave me alone for a couple of weeks I might surprise them. Then I can finally feel like I've done something and made a decision FOR myself, BY myself. As it is now, it just feels like people keep holding my hand.

- T.

Ok, here we go... My first entry.

Came up to Sydney on the 5th of October, 2003... Job interviews. Rad. New job? Yeah, I got it... Absoloutely bloody rapt. Doing IT Support Victoria wide now. Crikey, I can't believe it... Pretty much what I've always wanted to do, too.
On top of that, I fly home tonight at 1915, arrive home at 2055 apparantly... Actually, the flight could leave at 1945. Hmm... I don't care, I just wanna get home to my Garage and my own bed.
And to top THAT off, I finally get my car back tomorrow after 7 weeks of it being in the panel beaters and me not being able to do a damn thing about it... It sucked... Insurance wanted to investigate my story. Now all I gotta do is get money together for my excess, and I'm away!! w00t! :P
Ok... This was pretty much my first day of 'work' here, had to call stores and set internet settings and such. Brought back lots of memories from Netspace... I Hate Netspace. Sucky place. But this place is cool. The guys here are pretty cool too. Hope I get to work with them more in Victoria... But that'll probably only happen for next week... Who knows? Waiting for my 'contract' or payment details and stuff, and then I should be set. Anyhow, I'd better boot now, people need this PC... I'll write again soon and shit. :D

- T.