Idle Stories for 2016

Store Adds Donald Trump's Picture To $150,000 Gold-Encased iPhones 186
FBI Relents, Confirms Previously-Denied UFO Investigation 85
The FBI Spent Two Years Investigating An Online Cult That Didn't Exist 134
Canonical Names Ubuntu Linux 17.04 'Zesty Zapus' 67
Dilbert Creator Scott Adams Endorses Gary Johnson For President 523
The Ig Nobel Awards Celebrate Their 26th First Annual Awards Ceremony 37
Woman Sues Sex Toy App For Secretly Capturing Sensitive Information 211
Fugitive Arrested After Using 'Wanted' Poster As His Facebook Profile Pic 89
What Jonathan Coulton Learned From The Technology Industry 88
'Longest Living Human' Says He Is Ready For Death At 145 314
Hacked Hobbit Pinball Machine Joins IoT, Broadcasts Itself Over Twitch 45
Star Wars Actor Kenny Baker Dies at Age 81 51
How The Navy Tried To Turn Sharks into Torpedos 60
Wild Abuse Allegations Taint Indiegogo Helmet Maker Skully 84
Star Trek Convention Celebrates The Show's 50th Anniversary 25
Mysterious, Ice-Buried Cold War Military Base May Be Unearthed By Climate Change 108
British Newspaper Fooled By Online Harry Potter/Pokemon Go Hoax 36
Star Trek's 50th Anniversary Celebrated at Comic-Con 106
New Zealand Crowdfunds $1.7 Million To Buy A Private Beach 124
The Freeware Hall of Fame Enters Its 20th Year 41
Red Hat Exec Marries A Couple At Red Hat Summit 62
Is The Future Of Television Watching on Fast-Forward? 296
A New 'Quake' Episode Appears 20 Years Later 36
IBM Engineer Builds a Harry Potter Sorting Hat Using 'Watson' AI 117
Mattel Sells Out Of 'Game Developer Barbie' 224
Political Party's Videoconference System Hacked, Allowed Spying On Demand 32
Real-World Pong Created by Amateur Builders 39
The NSA's Delightfully D&D-inspired Guide To the Internet 43
Fake Facebook Event Draws Police, Spawns New Meme 92
History Buffs Discover Inaccuracies In Battlefield 1 Trailer 74
Original 'Doom' Level Remade in the New 'Doom' 46
New "Perfect Game" Donkey Kong Record May Be Unbeatable 77
Siri Voice Actress Doesn't Use Siri 82
RIP Kuro5hin 264
Online Voters Name British Vessel 'Boaty McBoatface' 221
Flying Jet-Powered Hoverboard Now a Reality 93
Underwater Sonar Robot Discovers A Real Loch Ness Monster (Prop) 62
Worshipping the Flying Spaghetti Monster Isn't a Real Religion, Court Rules 527
Free Lightsaber Event Now Battling Lucasfilm's Lawyers 198
Amateur Scientist Builds Thermite Grenade Cannon 97
Slashdot Asks: What's Your Favorite Easter Egg? 165
33,000 Sign Online Petition Promoting Guns At Republican Convention 663
Feds: Brink's Employee Makes Off With $196,000 In Quarters 142
Pharma Bro Martin Shkreli Threatens Ghostface Killah 108
Filmmaker Forces Censors To Watch 10-Hour Movie of Paint Drying 255
The Most Popular Bad Passwords of 2015 165
New Jersey Rejects Request For Dolphin Necropsy Results, Cites "Medical Privacy" 228

Maybe you can't buy happiness, but these days you can certainly charge it.